What do you think/how to handle this...

belmont1785 · September 2014

My husband has a good job as a semi truck driver (in town route- not over the road) with a national company. He has worked there for about 1 year and he really enjoys it.

My husband told his supervisors we were expecting our first baby around the same time we told everyone else (around 3 months). We wanted to make sure to tell them early since we are due on Thanksgiving Day, and didn't know how busy they would be during that time, and wanted them to know with plenty of time to plan for him being gone a few days (and because I am high risk and the Drs were anticipating a potentially difficult pregnancy). He does not get paid time off for the birth but plans on taking 1 week off (because that's all we can afford) when the baby is born. Right away they were fine with him taking the time off, they even told him it was typically a slower part of the season for them and it wouldn't be a problem.

Since then he has been going through all of his required new hire training. (As a driver with this company, it takes almost a full year to complete your FULL training- which isn't too uncommon for driving positions). He is almost finished with it but they told him last Thursday that the last part of his training involved a 4 day trip to Dallas (we live in Minneapolis). They are going to fly him down there for the final leg of training. Potential problem is that the training is November 4th-7th. We are due Nov 27th (but are having a scheduled induction one week early.) So this training will be 2 weeks before baby comes.

My husband reminded them that it was extremely close to our due date, and they told him it was MANDATORY, and that there was zero chance of getting out of going. They basically told him no matter what he had to go.

Part of me is super angry, because that is cutting it VERY close for my comfort. Part of me is totally comfortable with it realizing that chances are high that everything will be totally fine. This pregnancy has been 100% perfectly healthy up until this point and my Dr is actually surprised I haven't had any of the problems she anticipated (although we are VERY grateful.) But I just don't really want the added stress of knowing my husband will be well over 1000 miles away from my side, that close to the end of our pregnancy. I have a lot of close family and support here in town but would be so furious if he had to miss the birth because of this work training.

How would you handle this? Thoughts?

2ndGeneration · September 2014

I think your timing will be ok. It's close but I think you will stay pregnant while he's gone. Good luck!

FishyMom · September 2014

I don't have any advice, but it will say that I'm in the same position. DH travels a lot for work and has to travel a week before our due date. And about 2 weeks after our due date but for a couple nights each. On top of that they have told him he will be gone majority of the month of Jan.. Ugh..

I just wants you to know your not alone. Hopefully it will be fine since it's 2 weeks and the fact that you have an induction date.

wallygirl · September 2014

I completely understand why you would be anxious, but I agree with @FhSTAR81‌. If it's mandatory I don't see many options. If you haven't had any complications I would hope you would be fine. I would definitely talk to your ob about your timing fears and try not to stress about it. Although I know that is much easier said than done.

Kristy774 · September 2014

I agree with @FhSTAR81‌ there doesn't really seem to be a choice. My husband travels a ton for work too.

belmont1785 · September 2014

I figured as much. But it's reassuring to hear the positive thoughts.

I feel like I would probably be more prepared for it, but my husband DOESN'T hardly ever travel and has a very predictable schedule. So I am not used to him being gone even under normal circumstances.

I am a planner (which I realize not much about babies can be planned) but I get really nervous when things are out of my control and I am trying to work on that.

KMW08 · September 2014

I agree with PP's that there doesn't seem to be any choice, especially if there isn't an earlier training date he could attend.

AnnieRoo13 · September 2014

That's frustrating, but as others have said it doesn't sound like something he could get out of.

Luckily it's only a few days and your pregnancy sounds like it's been going better than anticipated, so hopefully that's a sign that LO will continue to bake until your DH gets back.

absolutelymaybe · September 2014

belmont1785 said:
My husband has a good job as a semi truck driver (in town route- not over the road) with a national company. He has worked there for about 1 year and he really enjoys it.

My husband told his supervisors we were expecting our first baby around the same time we told everyone else (around 3 months). We wanted to make sure to tell them early since we are due on Thanksgiving Day, and didn't know how busy they would be during that time, and wanted them to know with plenty of time to plan for him being gone a few days (and because I am high risk and the Drs were anticipating a potentially difficult pregnancy). He does not get paid time off for the birth but plans on taking 1 week off (because that's all we can afford) when the baby is born. Right away they were fine with him taking the time off, they even told him it was typically a slower part of the season for them and it wouldn't be a problem.

Since then he has been going through all of his required new hire training. (As a driver with this company, it takes almost a full year to complete your FULL training- which isn't too uncommon for driving positions). He is almost finished with it but they told him last Thursday that the last part of his training involved a 4 day trip to Dallas (we live in Minneapolis). They are going to fly him down there for the final leg of training. Potential problem is that the training is November 4th-7th. We are due Nov 27th (but are having a scheduled induction one week early.) So this training will be 2 weeks before baby comes.

My husband reminded them that it was extremely close to our due date, and they told him it was MANDATORY, and that there was zero chance of getting out of going. They basically told him no matter what he had to go.

Part of me is super angry, because that is cutting it VERY close for my comfort. Part of me is totally comfortable with it realizing that chances are high that everything will be totally fine. This pregnancy has been 100% perfectly healthy up until this point and my Dr is actually surprised I haven't had any of the problems she anticipated (although we are VERY grateful.) But I just don't really want the added stress of knowing my husband will be well over 1000 miles away from my side, that close to the end of our pregnancy. I have a lot of close family and support here in town but would be so furious if he had to miss the birth because of this work training.

How would you handle this? Thoughts?

I would put my big girl panties on and deal with it. I know it sucks, but it is mandatory and being upset about it is just going to stress you out. At least they aren't telling him he has to be out of town when you're scheduled to be induced.

silverwings72 · September 2014

Dang, that's a toughie. I am a planner and a worrier. This would also make me have a small freak out, but it is what it is. He needs the job, he's got to go, you have to get in a good space about this. Sounds like you will be cutting it close to csection date but at least he is not missing the birth. Gather some of your friends and family to support you the week he is gone. This will also help ease some of the anxiety. Plus, us bumpies will also entertain you until he gets back!

ColtiersMom · September 2014

The likelhood of her being born on one of those three days is very unlikely, sounds like u are overreacting little bit.
My husband works a week about 1000 miles away then is home for a week and does this all year round so maybe that's why I think you are overreacting :-)

kimberly_ann81 · September 2014

I'd let him go, but I'm really laid back about things in general. The baby still isn't due for two weeks at that point and your chances of a spontaneous labor at that point is still less then 5% I believe. I'd be more worried if it was the week before or the week of.

wildflower75 · September 2014

Just make sure he can hop on a plane at a moment's notice and you should be fine!

ssstephanie214 · September 2014

wildflower75 said:

Just make sure he can hop on a plane at a moment's notice and you should be fine!

this one. knowing that you have a backup plan, even though you know you'll never use it, should help you relax.

also, maybe a family member or close friend could come stay with you while he's gone for those few days.

howin23 · September 2014

Don't fight this battle until, and unless, you need to. You're still a ways out from the training so wait and see how you're doing come late October. If at that point you're having complications, or anything suggests early labor, then have your husband push. Otherwise, let him go and don't stress about it.

Chances are your husband will be back in plenty of time, and that's probably what the company is thinking. Don't make a big fuss until there's really a reason, and then if there is, you'll at least have something to back it up.

musicalmommy3 · September 2014

Chances are you will be fine. If it's mandatory, I think that's your answer. Have someone on back up when he is away, and take it easy when he's gone.

Loopyseven · September 2014

I don't know that there's anything you can really do about it. My H was in Houston (we are in CO) for 4 weeks at the end of my first pregnancy for training (~33-37 weeks give or take a few days). My brother is local, so he was on standby as my "person" if I needed him to come get me to the hospital, basically, I just told him, if I called him in the middle of the day or night, he damn well better answer the phone while H was gone

. And H pretty much memorized the non-stop flight options between Houston and Denver on multiple airlines so he'd be prepared if he needed to try to get a last minute flight home in a hurry. I ended up being induced at 40 weeks so it was a non-issue in the long run, but come up with a plan B/support plan in case something happens suddenly while he's gone and hope you don't need it. For four days, the odds of something happening during exactly those 4 days is pretty slim so I don't think I'd lose a ton of sleep over it.

erinwithtwins · September 2014

I feel your pain and totally understand your freaking out.

My DH has to be away for the first time during my pregnancy right at 34weeks. He's an hr flight away and will be gone for three days. I too am freaking out. With twins I know there's a likelihood of us going into labor at anytime.
Our contingency plan is for him to have a couple flights a day booked (fully refundable). We are seeing our OB the morning he leaves to get a cervix check to see what the likelihood is and my BFF is staying with me while he's gone. That's all we can do.

Try to figure out what will make you the most comfortable while dealing with the reality of the situation.
Hope this helps!

belmont1785 · September 2014

Thanks everyone. I feel way better already just reading this!

mb314 · September 2014

That's a hard situation. But to make you feel better, my DH will be traveling up until I'm 38 weeks, 3 days. I'm nervous about it, but there's nothing I can do, so I'm just hoping DS2 doesn't come early. We've hired a doula because our families are 5+ hours away, and I will need the support if I do happen to go into labor when he is out of town.

You're a FTM? You're more likely to go late, and you're more likely to have a longer labor, giving DH time to return home. With family nearby, I wouldn't stress too much about it. Chances are your DH will be back in plenty of time. Good luck! And know that you're not alone!

aa98 · September 2014

Like the others have said, if it's mandatory, there isn't much you can do and as it is a new job, I would let it go unless/until it becomes an issue (there are indications you will go early). I do sympathize, my DH will be traveling at week 36 and week 38. The week 38 trip is to Chicago and we live in the northeast so snow storms could be a factor too. DH's family is closest, a 4 hour drive away. Still, so many unlucky things would have to happen for him to miss the birth.

Have a detailed plan in place for when he is gone: who you will call, how you will get to the hospital, who will be your support person in the hospital, the airline change fees and flight schedule to get your DH back ASAP, and alternatives to keep him involved in case he can't get back in time (pics, Skype, etc). Having all this worked out well in advance may help you to feel more in control of the situation. FX that your little one will continue baking until your induction date!

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