MIL Rant

Ncountrygal · September 2014

My DH and I are so pissed off at his mom. We told his parents the good news today and not only doesn't she congratulate us ("oh. I thought you'd wait longer."), but she tells my sister-in-law after we specifically told her we were waiting a couple weeks to tell anyone else. My DH asked her about it and first she lied, then pretended she didn't know we cared! Um, wtf? My FIL has bad hearing and he definitely heard us and respected our wishes. It's going to be seven more months of fun and a lot of boundary issues for us :-P

Anyone else get a crappy reaction and want to vent? I'm all ears.

jackieanddan1989 · September 2014

Wow, sorry that happened!

My MIL made a couple offhand comments about "thinking we would wait longer" but she came around and started to act happy for us once it sunk in for her. Maybe that gives you some hope?

When we got engaged it was way worse, she was so pissed we were getting married "so young" (we were 23 and 24, but she got married at 35 and had her first baby at 37 so maybe she has a different perspective) that she didn't congratulate us at all but sulked for months, and at the wedding. So it has gotten better overall.

Maybe she needs time for it to sink in. Idk you know her better. But in my book, if you ask someone to tell you a secret and they blab, they are out of "circle of trust" (to quote Robert DeNiro). So next time you have big news, maybe she can just find out when everyone else does!

shoeflypie · September 2014

Ugh sorry she rained on your parade. It's never fun when mils have a poor reaction.

Mine was thrilled with dd. Then talked trash to SIL, her DIL as well. SIL has been struggling with IF for a long time and we did things right in telling them. SIL was more than happy to spill the beans on MILs trash talking about my mom and family. This time around... We got a, 'congratulations, congratulations Cecelia.' (DD)

We were pretty upset. So we sent a pic of dd in her big sister shirt to the rest of our family. (Minus SIL, it was their anniversary and we didn't want to upset them during a great weekend) Everyone was elated and it made up for it.

My advice: keep bringing your MILs oversteps to her attention. Don't let anything slide. DH took care of a few things and I wish I would have...

Eta: exhaustion makes English hard

aliciafirewife · September 2014

So sorry, MIL are the worst. We had a big family blow out a few weeks before we knew we officially knew we were pregnant (just did IVF transfer) we waited till we saw the hb to officially announce to the parents. Her response? "whatever"!!!!!! She was still upset about the blow out that she caused and didn't apologize then she said she was upset we didn't tell her a play by play that we did with SIL who went through the IVF as well. She still hardly talks to us and it's been 5weeks. Don't stress much, go with it and let her come to you.

redneckmomma25 · September 2014

Sorry! That sucks.

I hit the MIL jackpot. She is great and we have a great relationship. Makes me sad so many struggle with their MIL ' S.

Ncountrygal · September 2014

Don't get me wrong, she can be just as great as she can be awful. She'll be thrilled to be a grandparent again and I'm not worried about the long term in that sense.

But, can I say ugh again? My poor DH just got a lecture from her that she is his mom and she can share her good news with whomever she wants. Just. Wow. Not sure where to even start with that!

redneckmomma25 · September 2014

MIL and I do have our differences but in general she is very respectful and understanding even if she doesn't feel the same way.

FIL did start telling our news early. It was kinda so cute though. We were at the county fair and this is the first year he didn't have any cows there so he was talking to all the local farmers that he knew. And with each one he would show how he had all 3 of his grand kids here and a 4th on the way since I was with them. He was just so proud to have all his grand babies with him. I couldn't be mad.

jk3610 · September 2014

that's awful. my relationship with my MIL (all my in-laws actually) used to be a bit rocky, and it is definitely not easy. hopefully, she can understand why you're upset and things can improve. we haven't told my in-laws yet. (we are on the 24th) it's my MIL's first grandchild, so i'm kind of worried that she'll be so excited that she'll have a panic attack or something lol. that being said, i am definitely also worried that she will blab!

kmerkle1 · September 2014

HER news!? Wtf! That's so rude. It's your news! And nobody will be more excited than you and your SO.
Ugh I love my MIL and I know she will be so excited. But, she lives 3 hrs away and never visits even when she is invited. She has no job and claims she is "sooo busy." ??
So, when my BIL & SIL announced their baby news, she started crying-like, really crying-and told them "not to exclude her from this baby's life." We (and they) make efforts to visit the in laws every month, but she is a hoarder and her 3 bedroom 2 full bath house is now a 1-bedroom, 1- bath. Now that SIL and I are both expecting, we have decided to lay down the law and tell her we will NOT be toting infants 3 hrs away for the 6 of us (and the dogs) to sleep on her TINY living room floor on an air mattress. She's gonna have to give up the family holidays and come up here where we live. If the 2 extra bedrooms weren't full of shit and the 2nd bathroom was functional, we will reconsider.
End rant. I'm sorry. It feels good to let it out.

cwiceangel · September 2014

Ncountrygal said:

But, can I say ugh again? My poor DH just got a lecture from her that she is his mom and she can share her good news with whomever she wants. Just. Wow. Not sure where to even start with that!

I'd be telling her, "Well next time you'll just find out good news with the rest of the world instead of finding out earlier." And stick to it.

Ncountrygal · September 2014

@jk3610 and @redneckmomma25‌

It's a totally different story when they get excited and tell strangers. That's just cute!!!! And no, we're not holding our breaths for an apology. She is never wrong and she'll never forget that time we made her feel bad about being a grandparent...

SayAnything84 · September 2014

Lesson learned don't ever tell her anything early again. I am spiteful so I would make sure she is the last person to know babies gender and name

jk3610 · September 2014

hope your situation improves

trlricha · September 2014

Ugh! OP, I would be so mad, too. Sorry she did that!

My MIL had a good reaction and we get along pretty well. But sometimes she just says things that annoy me. The day after we told her our news she told me that I needed to be sure to get an epidural sooner this time because my labor was so hard on DH last time and it would have been better for him if I had given in sooner...I just rolled my eyes.

Ncountrygal · September 2014

@trlricha‌
Hahaha! Because labor is definitely all about your husband! Heehee! No seriously, that would annoy the heck out of me. You get to birth that baby any way you want! While being continually massaged, held upsidedown by your husband (who wisely took an Advil in advance), whatever! Unless she is suggesting she'd like give birth for you....

scarneae · September 2014

@Ncountrygal‌ I feel your pain. I am dreading telling my MIL. She is horrible and completely selfish so I am delaying as long as possible. When my dad died last month, she called my husband based on seeing him change his profile picture to a picture of my dad. When she found out she didn't say to tell me anything, then she immediately called the entire family bc she loved having news to share with everyone. Then about 3 hours later after the entire family knew, she texted me "sorry about your dad, sorry we can't be there". Mind you they couldn't come to calling hours or the funeral because they went on vaca to FL. This is just her most recent selfish annoying act. If it were up to me she would find out 3 minutes before it became FB official so she can't ruin our news like I know she will.

missjess89 · September 2014

My MIL always has the 'best intentions' but is notorious for spilling secrets and gossip so we have chosen to wait a little longer to tell family, my mother will be more of an issue because my parents are separated and everything is a completion, it will all be about whether I told her or my dad first! You hope these happy times would be greeted with excitement and joy straight off the bat but sometimes it's just not to way! I think the sink in time is required haha

trlricha · September 2014

Ncountrygal said:
@trlricha‌
Hahaha! Because labor is definitely all about your husband! Heehee! No seriously, that would annoy the heck out of me. You get to birth that baby any way you want! While being continually massaged, held upsidedown by your husband (who wisely took an Advil in advance), whatever! Unless she is suggesting she'd like give birth for you....

I know, right? He was the LEAST of my concerns. And what's funnier is that HE really didn't want me to get an epidural either (he was scared of it, I think).

somewheresublime86 · September 2014

We've been lucky - both sets of parents are behaving beautifully, though my mom has whined a few times about how unfair and crazy it is that she can't tell anyone. I told her that as soon as we have our NT scan/first us at the end of the month, she can go nuts and scream the good news from the rooftops.

I got very lucky with my in-laws. My FIL is a retired research librarian who brews beer and wears converse and a bowtie. My MIL (actually a step-MIL, my hubby's mom was killed by a drunk driver when he was little) is super excited, and aside from driving me crazy by being totally disorganized and drinking a couple of glasses of Pinot Gris too many at family events, pretty perfect. The relative I need to be worried about is my grandma... She's a handful.

Every family has one. At least your MIL is excited... In addition to having some serious issues with boundaries!

Denise91980 · September 2014

I feel the MIL pain. She knows the difficulty we had considering we had four losses and always had inappropriate or hurtful things to say. H told her after my 8 wk appointment because I felt so awful that he wanted to share the news with his family but he also knows they overshare (ie. my SIL announced her and our niece's pregnancy on FB). So H called MIL and told her. She called me a week later and said, " I wanted to call you after I found out but didn't know what to say." I thought to myself....ummm, congratulations is usually what you say. She them proceeded to say,"I just heard the other really great news." That sounded to me that I should be aware of what she was about to say but, nope, I did not. She said that BIL is going to propose to his girlfriend. H hasn't talked to his brother in over two years. H made a few efforts but his brother has not. Way to overshadow our news with news that hasn't even happened yet!

mrsalvidrez · September 2014

I'm sorry this happened! I have an awesome MIL but my mother does not and I've seen it affect our family and her marriage for my entire life. Hopefully you guys can move past this and she can learn to respect you!

4N6s · September 2014

I guess next time you wait longer to tell her. Ha..

fartsandcrafts · September 2014

While I feel thankful for a great set of in laws (and I'm sure I'll be chanting this to keep me from doing anything irrational in the next 7 months), I'm feeling your pain tonight. We announced to both of our families tonight with a sweet surprise while out to dinner for my bday which was wonderful until...

My MIL proceeded to email her entire family and office before we could get out the words "We would like to keep it close and not tell anyone else for several weeks". She also kissed my belly several times while I had to restrain myself from giving her a palm to the forehead. The in laws also proceeded to announce that we are never allowed to move out of this state (which is already loosely planned for after the bean is born) and offered up name suggestions. Tough night. Dreaming of wine haha. End rant.

Edit: I also feel the need to mention this is not their first grandchild.. and we waited until after 10 weeks and an ultrasound. Should have kept waiting...

mrsbb515 · September 2014

I previously posted about my MIL trying to tell me I was off by 2 weeks because that's what the internet told her ...... My husband brought this up to her in an effort to start setting boundaries and letting her know where she needs to butt out. That day I get a call from her crying and denying that she was insinuating that we don't know what we're doing. Always all about her !! Also, what's the point of appologizing if you're still denying the behavior ?

Duffgurl · September 2014

Awww I am sorry her reaction was so negative.

We haven't told anyone yet. Not until 2nd trimester.

Ncountrygal · September 2014

Next time, I'll seriously consider telling the inlaws when we tell the extended family. No guilt about telling my folks first! They'll be thrilled and keep it quiet anyway!

ally3242 · September 2014

redneckmomma25 said:
Sorry! That sucks.

I hit the MIL jackpot. She is great and we have a great relationship. Makes me sad so many struggle with their MIL ' S.

I love my MIL too. She's pretty amazing.

jessattaway · September 2014

My MIL likes to call me and tell me how proud of herself she is for not telling anyone. My normal response is well that is good bc H and I will tell everyone when we are ready. We are waiting until after my BIL and future SIL are married which is right when I start in the second tri. She has also said things like it's good that I'm waiting until after their wedding to tell anyone bc people may ask me at the wedding if it's still in there.... Who says crap like that! The most recent comment was "I can't wait to tell everyone the news right after their wedding!" I told her once again that she is not to tell anyone bc it's not her news to tell and that H and I will tell everyone. I have stopped answering my phone a lot bc I can't deal with the stress of repeatedly telling her to keep her mouth shut.. .

Ncountrygal · September 2014

@jessattaway‌
It sounds like she's super excited and can't think about anything else. Yes, that's annoying! If she can just keep keeping her mouth shut, right?

jessattaway · September 2014

@Ncountrygal‌ I know she is excited but she has this way of making everything all about her. She cuts my family out a lot and it's frustrating. She did it with my wedding. It gets to where I just want to be like yes keep your mouth shut you are a grown adult! Respect our wishes!

Also, the references to mc she sometimes makes upsets me. She doesn't think before she speaks most of the time and I'm too hormonal to handle comments like that, lol

She does have her good moments but she can be really tough.

KayDeeKay81 · September 2014

DH hit the jack pot with his MIL

I was not so lucky

justyouraveragemama · September 2014

Both my MIL and FIL have told their entire side of the family when we asked them not to. I didn't want to tell them right away and told DH that but DH can't keep a secret either and told them -_- and now my MIL and FIL are acting like they're pregnant and this is their baby. It makes me so mad!

ElizabethSwann · September 2014

My MIL and i were literally best friends until my son came. Shit kinda hit the fan after his birth. WE are better now, but it took some time.

TwilightEdge · September 2014

Sorry that happened to you OP, it's hard when the MIL isn't supportive, especially when there's good news to share.

I was pregnant earlier this year and ended up miscarrying.

My parents and friends were very supportive but my MIL and FIL didn't even say anything to me. It was pretty hurtful. My husband's FIL only said sorry to him and his mom didn't say anything to either of us.

We waited a longer time to tell them this time but I'm not sure if I'll be ever to forget that any time soon.

AFrye0726 · September 2014

Luckily everyone is excited for us, because right before the wedding they were already asking. But We had someone spill the beans early for us too, because some little kid overheard and told his Grandma, now I'm pretty sure most of the world knows. I'm really hoping this ultrasound next week goes ok, because it is going to be a lot of people to tell bad news to

Ncountrygal · September 2014

Wow, what a lot of crap our families come up with! It's good to vent a little. Ladies with the awesome MILs, thanks for sharing! It's nice to know they exist. Do you think one would adopt my DH?

kitc101 · September 2014

Do we have the same family? Seriously. My MIL decided to announce we aren't ready for kids (uh...too late...) and then just said okay when we told her. No congrats. DH and I have been together for 9 years, married for 3, have steady jobs, own our home, and are in our upper 20s. Not sure why she thinks we aren't ready. And dreading telling SIL bc she's a very self centered person. She announced her 3rd pregnancy at our wedding. She was 5 weeks along... DH said it's been like that his whole life. Sorry that you're going through this but you Def aren't alone!!

ieles0531 · September 2014

My MIL told my DH right in front of me that she wouldn't have anything to do with the pregnancy or baby until a paternity test was done.

ewilson74 · September 2014

Wow. Just reading about MILs gets my stress levels up. I typically have to mentally prepare days in advance to her visiting, and now I can't drink to take the edge off. I have no intention of telling her until well into second trimester. A few years ago we were all going camping and I decided to bring along my pregnant sister as a buffer. I figured that would keep my MIL on her best behaviour. They had never met, and literally the first thing my MIL says to my 38yo sister (who had struggled for a couple years to get pg) is, "So, based on your age, will you terminate the pregnancy if you find out the baby is ...." She did in fact fill in that blank an inappropriate term. My sister and I then had one of those eye exchanges "Yes, she really is BSC, you weren't joking."

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