Things you never thought you'd say to your kids!

juniper75 · September 2014

Post 'em here!

juniper75 · September 2014

Ok so my 2 year old has a happy face beach ball she calls Mr. Happy. He has a leak. She is always asking me to blow him back up. I was in the middle of something and then this came out of my mouth:

Just a minute sweetie, Mommy is busy but I will blow Mr. Happy when I am done.

AmberLiz99 · September 2014

"Please don't lick your sister"

"The dog's penis is not a toy"

"Use a tissue please, not your sister's hair"

"Don't stick your penis in the bath letters, it might get stuck"

(I have a 3 year old, can you tell?)

pbandjmom · September 2014

Joy! You're eating your beaver.

...because some cruel toymaker made the dangly toy on her mat a beaver. Of all animals...

juniper75 · September 2014

I hear you - for awhile my oldests favorite toy was a purple beaver bath squirter. It was non stop beaver tales here for awhile.

Don't forget your beaver...

Is that a nice beaver...

And the worst:

Don't squirt your sister with your beaver...

BrittanyAmundson · September 2014

These are all great! I don't have any to add yet but keep them coming!

Ashleypixie · September 2014

I can't think of anything off the top of my head but random kind of related story: today my daughter was singing "happiness in your face" over and OVER. No idea what that song even is but all I could hear was "hapPENiS in you face." Penis. In your face.

misskristina21 · September 2014

"Please don't sniff the dog food"

"Lilah, please stop touching your boobers and pinching them"

"No, we do not get naked at Target."

"Please don't try to kiss your sister's butt"

juniper75 · September 2014

Ashleypixie said:
I can't think of anything off the top of my head but random kind of related story: today my daughter was singing "happiness in your face" over and OVER. No idea what that song even is but all I could hear was "hapPENiS in you face." Penis. In your face.

My toddler decoder says she was singing her own version of the Pharrell Williams song Happy....

AmberLiz99 · September 2014

Oh yah, last week it was "we don't pee on the Washington monument"

juniper75 · September 2014

Lol - makes me think of that fake kids book called: Mommy drinks because you cry

MamaFantastic · September 2014

Take your penis off the table.

Your finger does not go in your bum.

Jodash24 · September 2014

mamrotu73 said:
Things I say to both my dog and baby:
"Please be quiet."
"Roll over!"
"Good boy."

This is me with 8 year old with asd!

Sit!
Stay!

Also...

Don't lick the floor
Do you need to touch your penis
Don't climb in the fridge

Many many others I can't think of right now

ricekez · September 2014

"Don't lick your brother on his mouth. Ok, you can lick his head or arm, just not his mouth."

If someone told me I'd be saying "don't lick your brother", I'd believe that. I never thought I'd hear myself say "lick him on the head, not the mouth."

Teresa1896 · September 2014

"Stop peeing in the yard!"

(I also have a 3-yr-old.)

SoulTermination · September 2014

These are making me look forward to when A's a couple years older. Wonder what's gonna come out of my mouth! XD

BabyBsMommy · September 2014

Teresa1896 said:
"Stop peeing in the yard!"

(I also have a 3-yr-old.)

Mine is "we do not poop in the yard!"

Camping has made things confusing...

AmberLiz99 · September 2014

Teresa1896 said:
"Stop peeing in the yard!"

(I also have a 3-yr-old.)

I have to say this very often

lokimau · September 2014

Stop licking the cat

ksulli · September 2014

^^^. I've done this. I think she had constipated, and was scare of pooping again.

My 'what is coming out of my mouth' lines:
-Sure, you can pee in the shower (now she does every time. Maybe I should have mommied-up and brought her to the potty that first time)
-No peeing in the pool, we only do that in the ocean.
-just wipe it on your pajamas (in response to needing a tissue for the millionth time after picking her nose in bed)

cnbean · September 2014

So far the strangest thing I've said was "Don't put your foot in your ketchup". My 2 yo likes to put his feet on the table at mealtimes, which degenerated to putting feet into food.