PgAL when to tell family

mlbrooks619 · September 2014

I had an MC at 9 weeks but didn't find out until 10 week U/S. Was the Friday before Mother's Day and planned to tell our parents on Mother's Day. We had elaborate plans of how to tell them so I was BEYOND excited. Also our parents didn't even know we were trying because I wanted it to be a huge surprise. My mom has been asking for grand kids for years. So we ended up breaking bad news instead that weekend because I was going to have a D&C.

So my question is should we tell earlier this time or wait again? Is it easier one way or the other? What is everyone's opinion on this?

vballgirl78 · September 2014

I told my parents right away this time. They were a HUGE support to me when I went through my loss last August and they know how stressful that was for me. I know if anything happens this time around I'll want them to be there for me and in the meantime, its nice to have their support. Its a personal decision and what's right for one person might not be right for another. Do what feels right to you.

I hate that any of us have to go through a loss ever- it certainly messes with your brain though. Hang in there!

mara005 · September 2014

We are choosing not to tell family until Thanksgiving (praying so hard we get there), I will be 15 weeks. I will tell them if anything happens but I really don't want to put them through the stress and the constant asking if I'm feeling ok , etc.

RedCherry1109 · September 2014

I've told my parents/grandparents/siblings and a few friends that would be there in case something happen. As far as everybody else, we will tell them around thanksgiving.

mpiemont · September 2014

As a AL momma, I am struggling with this BIG TIME. It was so hard to tell my mom I was pregnant, and now I'm not all in one breath. No one really knew last time (just a few close friends I see almost daily) so it was hard to break the bad news when people didn't even know we were expecting. But, for some reason this time around, I am really really protective of the news. I have actually told less people (just DH and 2 very close friends know). My mother didn't think we should have even been having a 3rd baby yet (she made this clear before she even knew about my loss baby) and after my D&C she was very open with her strong opinion that we should wait a while to try again, so that plays into it as well (it's hard to share the news when #1 I know she isn't fully supportive and #2 I'm just so terrified every day). I think I would like to wait until God-willing I know we have a healthy baby, ideally after 1st trimester. It's such a personal decision. Only you can decide what is best for you. Hugs. I hate that any of us have to struggle with this...

heathersf11 · September 2014

I told my parents almost immediately the first time. This time I waited until after I saw a heartbeat on the ultrasound (around six weeks). I would want them to know if something were to happen. I just hope they can keep it to themselves. We don't want to tell anyone else until after Halloween. At that point it would still be just close friends and extended family. The rest of the world can find out when I can't hide it anymore.

ash413 · September 2014

Only a couple of my friends know. We were going to wait to tell the grandparents until at least the 7wks. However, i uhltimatly had to explain to them why i could not commit to a big family vacation next june.
We still have not told DH parents and honestly we may wait till 14 weeks (MILESTONE is so overbearing I just don't want to deal with it). We will not be "FB" announcing until the beginning of the 2nd trimester.

kbruce77 · September 2014

I have an ultrasound Wednesday and if i see a baby and a heartbeat I think I'll feel ok to tell people. Last time was a blighted ovum only the sac developed no baby. So if I see a baby I think I'll feel more comforted but idk. I'm so anxious and scared for my appointment. And my husband slipped with his parents so they already know and his dad is totally doing the call
Every other day asking me how I'm feeling...

Ndracer · September 2014

We haven't told anyone yet. I'm in a constant debate about telling my parents. I've experienced early kids when they knew and when they didn't and honestly I think it was easier when they knew. But I'm so afraid of telling them and that somehow I'll jinx it. I know that's ridiculous but you know m/c makes you a bit superstitious. Another factor for me us my mom had a stroke earlier this year. She has made great strides in her recovery but I'm afraid thinking what if she has another or if something else horrible happens and they never get to know I'm expecting. I know morbid thoughts but after going through a few M/C I guess I know that those things you think will never happen can actually happen.
Sorry I can't be of more help. It's just a personal decision for us all. Personally I think I'm going to tell soon. Sorry you are going through all the struggles we all go through after a loss. Hugs.

mlbrooks619 · September 2014

I think after our 7 week U/S this week if everything is progressing like it should we will tell at least my mom. I just need to tell my mom and I will feel better I think. I share everything with my mom so it's hard not to talk to her about everything.

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