My apologies

emar129 · September 2014

I realize I may have offended a big chunk of you reading another thread. I do want to make it known that I acknowledge this. I feel horrible about it. I am truly sorry. I know those who were hurt cannot "unsee" what I said, but I will be much more mindful in the future. Thank you to those who helped me understand and self reflect. Again, I apologize and am very sorry. Anyone who would like to discuss anything further, feel free to PM me.

RondackHiker · September 2014

Thank you for the apology.

I haven't experienced a loss myself and I'm furious, just so you know that people can avoid being that fucking clueless and nasty without experiencing a loss themselves.

How dare you. How dare you say "it was meant to be". That's gross and it's been explained on here again and again why. How dare you treat the loss of a child as an opportunity. How dare you joke about a loss.

I don't get how you can be a mother yourself and not show more empathy.

And there is no "may". You did. You said something fucking heartless.

emar129 · September 2014

I was not trying to joke about the loss itself. I am sorry it came across like that.

emar129 · September 2014

I'm not going to try to reword it. I just mean that I did not think losing a child was or is funny

RondackHiker · September 2014

TyrannosaurusLex said:

elissarump said:
I was not trying to joke about the loss itself. I am sorry it came across like that.
Oh.

So you were (only joking) about....not the loss? I'm not sure I follow.

You were joking in a loss thread.
About the reason a loss was okay.

iwubrory · September 2014

@elissarump YGPM

Missy0483 · September 2014

Sometimes when you don't "mean it that way", those are the comments that hurt the most. I missed the comment, but I get the gist (sp?) of it.

TessyMessy · September 2014

*sigh*. @elissarump‌ I'm glad you have never experienced loss and truly hope you never will. I can only speak for myself when I say there aren't enough words to explain how miserable, depressing, lonely, guilt-ridden having a loss can be. I believe your poorly chosen words did not come from a bad place. Yet they hurt just the same. I don't think I will ever truly get over the losses we have suffered.
Thank you for apologizing.

JackieP1023 · September 2014

I am glad I missed the original comment.

As @greenbunny79 said, so few people know how to properly address a loss. My parents lost my brother at 21 weeks gestation. I lost our firstborn at 20 weeks. My parents told us over and over 'be prepared-people will say some of the dumbest things'.

It is amazing to me how 30 years can go by, and nothing changes. That piece of advice was something we really clung to.

That said, it is no excuse. It's ridiculous that people can be so heartless and unfeeling.

KatM84 · September 2014

@elissarump‌ I didn't see your original comment, and I'm sure you didn't have any malicious intent behind it, but to you and others who have been lucky enough not to experience a loss, please remember that this is a LOST CHILD. I was 10 weeks along when I found out I had a blighted ovum. I was astounded by how many times I was told it was "meant to be". I actually had someone say "there wasn't a baby ever there anyway." There's no way to accurately describe the pain of a loss. Or the confusion. Or whatever emotion the mother feels. Just please use this as a training in sensitivity.

ETA: I think its wonderful you were quick to apologize and not try to defend what was said.

becausemom · September 2014

I missed this shit last night. My blood is boiling. This is not ok. Apology or not.

Unknown · September 2014

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breadpudding · September 2014

I've opened this thread a dozen times to write a comment for this, and I just can't.

I just can't with this shit. This makes me so sad.

KatM84 · September 2014

Madisonpenny said:

KatM84 said:

@elissarump‌ I didn't see your original comment, and I'm sure you didn't have any malicious intent behind it, but to you and others who have been lucky enough not to experience a loss, please remember that this is a LOST CHILD. I was 10 weeks along when I found out I had a blighted ovum. I was astounded by how many times I was told it was "meant to be". I actually had someone say "there wasn't a baby ever there anyway." There's no way to accurately describe the pain of a loss. Or the confusion. Or whatever emotion the mother feels. Just please use this as a training in sensitivity.

ETA: I think its wonderful you were quick to apologize and not try to defend what was said.

I had the same thing said to me when I experienced my blighted ovum, including the "there wasn't a child there anyway".....from my doctor! But another that takes the prize was 'well at least now you don't have to worry about your dogs being jealous" :-S

I also agree with KatM's ETA about quickly apologizing. I think you realized how awful it was and you didn't try to defend or cover it up with 'buts'. I'm not defending what was said in any regard. Tbh, I missed the original comment but have gotten the gist of it. But it is nice to see someone own their mistake.

I'm so sorry you went through that as well.

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