bus trouble

meldoo2002 · September 2014

Today I got the first "please talk to the boys about bus behavior" from the bus driver. I asked if he could separate them, they are separated in school this year, and I think it's the only way for them to be successful. He said yes. That was all we really talked about … I live on a very busy street. The bus driver told the teachers this morning that the boys were being "fresh" and talking back which was an email I got from Nathan's teacher earlier today. I know the bus is going to be hard for them. It was the part of school I honestly dreaded the most. Sitting still is really really hard for them. They've going from 5 point harness booster seats to no seat belts, a bus full of kindergarteners, and no monitor. I feel so bad because I know it's not the drivers job to be reprimanding them, but I don't know how to get them to follow the rules if I'm not there to enforce them. We talked a lot about it tonight because they really want to ride the bus and I told them they may not get to because they have to be safe, blah blah.

Also we do a sticker for each day they have a good day at school, after 10 stickers they get a prize - ice cream treat, toy from Five Below, trip to Chuck E Cheese, that kind of thing. Today was their 10th day, but I didn't give them the sticker because of the bus problem. Now I assume their behavior on the bus hadn't been great either (and I just had no idea), but he was giving them a learning curve and now that's up.

So what do I do? We had issues in PreK with attention, focusing, and sitting still. We continue to have this issue.. throw in some impulsivity. We are seeing a psychologist for trying to tease out some of their behavior issues… we both feel like we're looking at ADHD diagnoses, but she really thinks giving them some time in K separated possibly up til 1st grade before it's definite. We did fill out a rating scale at the pedi that put them in an at-risk category, but still within limits for their age (like they do sleep amazing and are in bed by 7pm, sleeping 5 min. later, and they can sit once focused and complete school work with minimal if not any errors). Do I give them some more time re-emphasizing the rules? Throw in the towel and drive them? The psych and I were kind of at the point of waiting for them to fail in school and then saying "ok what are you going to do about it?" Because testing wise I know they'll test just fine … maybe low in social/emotional, but my district would give 2 shi** about that. Suggestions?

macchiatto · September 2014

Sorry; that does sound like a tough situation since it's such minimal supervision. Hopefully separating them will help. One other idea: Could they get one sticker for school behavior and one for bus behavior? (Or possibly a separate reward system for each.)

thefuturemrskudla · September 2014

I would get a bus monitor added to the IEP. Also, why can't they have 5 point harness seats on the bus?

meghans30 · September 2014

Have you considered a mini-bus? My son has similar issues and transportation via a van or mini-bus was included in his IEP. He has similar issues with impulsivity and sensitivity to sound. A bus can be very chaotic and difficult for kids to handle. A monitor would be a must.

funchicken · September 2014

I like Auntie's idea about taking turns with one on the bus and one being driven as a way of learning more about how they behave separately. Is there a difference in their behavior on the way to school vs. the bus ride home? Is it the same driver in the morning and afternoon? DD1 (1st grade) has told me that the afternoon bus is much louder than the morning bus.

If they were still misbehaving even when separated, I would tell them they'd lost the privilege of riding the bus until they could show that they could follow the rules.

meldoo2002 · September 2014

Thanks all. They are just still "at risk" yes Auntie. They don't have IEPs or 504s yet. The psychologist did think that they may the be children that have to "fail" in school first before anything will be set in place as even if I request an eval they will do fine on it at this point. In the near future we may be able to get a 504 under ADHD or maybe even neurological because they both have epilepsy (though seizures are controlled and not affecting their development).

I had a long talk with the boys about their bus behavior and then talked to the principal. Apparently if the issue truly warrants it the bus company will contact the principal. He has not been contacted about my children's behavior. The principal indicated there are many children having difficulty on the bus and on many different buses to the point that they are holding a "bus safety" day next week where each class will be taken on the to the bus, taught safety rules, and assigned seats. I kind of think this should have happened last week at the beginning of school when you sent a bunch of 5 year olds on to a bus alone… but anyway. So he said he'd keep me informed if he heard any reports on the boys and vice versa.

I talked to the bus driver today and after reviewing bus safety on my own with them the other day plus having the bus driver have them sit separately he said they've been really good the last two days. Yesterday he had to pull over and explain to everyone again they aren't to touch the emergency window handles or doors, but it wasn't my boys that were doing it.

I agree with you Auntie that just driving them to me seems like avoiding the issue. I really feel like we're at a point that the school needs to see their attention and behavior as it is and if it is affecting their ability to be successful some interventions will need to be put in place.

It is the same bus driver both ways… and I don't think they spend an inordinate amount of time on the bus, well I guess it's close to 40 min. on the way in, but only 25 on the way home. I also gave them assignments - one day to count the number of buses they saw on the way to school.. I think just sitting there for 40 min. unsecured definitely prompts them to find something to entertain themselves.

macchiatto · September 2014

Total side note, but I love the idea of the Las Vegas style of parenting. I've wrestled at times with how to handle those issues.

@meldoo, I'm glad things have been going better.

I know it's tough to be in the camp of needing to let them fail before you can get them the help they need.

Keep us posted on how your boys do as the school year goes on!

funchicken · September 2014

Whoa, 40 minutes seems like a pretty long bus ride to me. I hope the assigned seating helps. The school should definitely be working on bus safety and behavior.

funchicken · September 2014

-auntie- said:

funchicken said:

Whoa, 40 minutes seems like a pretty long bus ride to me. I hope the assigned seating helps. The school should definitely be working on bus safety and behavior.

Depends.

In some rural areas where children travel a distance and are picked up at the ends of their driveways, 40 minutes would be pretty typical. Most states have a mandate about how long a bus run can be to a child's districted school.

My son has never attended a public school that was more than 2 1/2 miles away. LOL, I can hear the buses called from the elementary if it's a humid day. Even the community college is less than 2 miles away. When he was in the indie school, his bus ride home for kindie was about 45 minutes and he had to change buses midway until we moved. Then it was a straight 50 minutes. It is a long time for a little one and they sometimes get into trouble. He got strangled by an aggressive 8th grader once and another time he and another little kid gave each other haircuts.

There are some rural areas in our county where the bus riders are on the bus for 90 minutes (way too long IMO). The schools are trying to get more buses so the kids don't have to be on the bus for so long. Of course the county keeps cutting the school transportation budget. I think it's awful--I would gladly pay more in taxes so these kids could have shorter bus rides. In the winter it's still dark out when DD goes to her bus stop--and she has a five minute ride. These kids must be catching the bus at zero dark thirty.

meldoo2002 · September 2014

Our law is 1 hour… we aren't far from the school just a few miles, but I think they are 1st ones on and 1st ones off… well close to the 1st anyway.. maybe 4th. And yes in kindergarten the bus stops at each driveway so I'm sure it adds to the route. They get picked up at 8:12 though lately it's been more like 8:20 and school starts at 9. School ends at 3:30 and they are home at 3:49… though last week the bus broke down and they didn't get home til 4:35 after changing buses.

funchicken · September 2014

I can see how it would take a lot longer if kids get picked at their homes. Our bus only has to make two stops because each bus stop has so many kids to pick up.

macchiatto · September 2014

-auntie- said:

macchiatto said:
I know it's tough to be in the camp of needing to let them fail before you can get them the help they need. Keep us posted on how your boys do as the school year goes on!

It's hard as hell, especially when there's an academic impact- like the ADHD middle school kid who would carry a 4.0 GPA if he'd just be able to manage tracking his homework. If you act as his frontal lobe, the school won't see the problem ad won't help fix it. Of course, if he fails, he gets to feel badly about it and it could impact the courses available to him for high school and beyond.

Las Vegas is empowering. Teachers I know hate this stance, but their ilk have driven me to it. A really great example of this was when DS was in 7th grade. There was a math teacher with dreams of becoming an administrator in charge of attendence. She called to inform me that my son was routinely late to home room and "what was I going to do about it?"

DS hates to be late. He's one of those people who likes some time to settle into school or work. Given a choice, he's early. (he works 9-6 today; he's showered, in uniform and ready to go 45 minutes before he needs to) DS had already bitched about being on a bus that is often late to school or arrives leaving him no time to get to his locker before homeroom. So I unloaded on the administrator "The bus is late for its scheduled pickup which leaves little time to get to lockers before the start of homeroom and going after is not allowed. The way I see it- I've gotten my kid up on time, fed and medicated him, seen that he's showered and dressed and gotten him to the bus stop on time. I've done my job. LOL, she offered me a van. I declined citing a van not being LRE for my son. I told her the "way I see it, you could address the late bus with the transportation company or you could allow students to visit their lockers during homeroom once they've checked in with the teacher, but this is for you to fix."

Yeah, we are in that camp with X and it was frustrating having him go into K that way when we had already gone through so much to get his eval last year. I've been uneasy about it since his IEP meeting in March. So far though, he seems to be doing well in K; I know it's early but glad at least that he's off to a good start and his teacher doesn't have concerns yet.

Your philosophy makes a lot of sense to me. I like how you handled that.

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