This is rough- a vent/whine of sorts

JMC11511 · September 2014

DH is still in TX since his Uncle passed away. They are having an informal memorial there with his friends/coworkers and we will do a small memorial here when they all return. They also have to deal with a bunch of legal stuff with his estate. Unfortunately, there was no will so it will be a long process. I am struggling not having DH home. I know he needs to be there for his cousin/Aunt, but DS and I are having a really hard time. I have spent some time with BIL and DH's Uncle, but I feel like I'm intruding. My Mom has been busy with my Dad being in the hospital and he will probably be there for another week. DH is trying to convince his cousin and Aunt to plan on coming home either Tuesday or Wednesday next week, but they are hesitant to make any decisions as far as travel until they meet with the lawyer on Monday. I feel totally selfish wanting DH to come home. There is no point to this other than to get it all out because I don't really have anyone to talk to about all of it. A friend offered to bring ice cream and a movie tonight, I think I may take her up on that offer. Thanks for letting me vent.

JMC11511 · September 2014

iheartthe80s said:
Are you stressed about being alone with LO? Or are you hdbibg this hard if a time with your husband's uncle's passing?

Both. LO is having a hard time with DH being gone, I never sleep well when DH is gone. And then DH's uncle passing is really difficult for all of us. He was such a great person and this was all extremely sudden and unexpected. And then I also want to be able to comfort my husband while he goes through the grieving process. It's just difficult to be separated during such a sad time for our family.

likeanoldtimemovie · September 2014

I'm so sorry. I agree with the others about inviting your friend over. It's so nice to have company as a distraction during difficult times.

Thinking of you and your family!

bumpuser8448316 · September 2014

JMC11511 said:

Are you stressed about being alone with LO? Or are you hdbibg this hard if a time with your husband's uncle's passing?
Both. LO is having a hard time with DH being gone, I never sleep well when DH is gone. And then DH's uncle passing is really difficult for all of us. He was such a great person and this was all extremely sudden and unexpected. And then I also want to be able to comfort my husband while he goes through the grieving process. It's just difficult to be separated during such a sad time for our family.

I'm so sorry you are grieving and feeling alone. This is one of those situations though where you have to chin up and make the best of it. Yo can FaceTime or Skype with DH while he is gone and that will help. When DH's dad and stepmom died it was really really difficult for,us. But life can't stop, you have to keep moving. I didn't realize to had a BIL nearby, thought it was DH's cousin. Any chance DH can come home and BIL can go be with his aunt?

Andrewsgal · September 2014

Why can't your DH come home? Why does he have to wait for them?

JMC11511 · September 2014

Andrewsgal said:
Why can't your DH come home? Why does he have to wait for them?

It's a situation where he is torn. He wants to come home. They want him there. It's a horrible spot to be in.They meet with the lawyer on Monday afternoon. DH has a background in law/legal stuff so would like to be there for that meeting. But he is of the opinion that they would possibly be able to come home once that ball starts rolling. DH's cousin is like a sister to him. I usually refer to her as SIL. So to make things less complicated I referred to her husband as BIL instead of "DH's cousin's husband." He can't go out there because he has two little ones. We have had a couple meals together and will continue to do so. I'm not trying to paint DH in a bad light at all. He is torn being away from us. I'm sure his cousin and Aunt are as well. The Uncle that passed away did not have family other than all of us. So everything that needs to be done falls on their shoulders. It's a mess and extremely sad. I am trying to keep doing normal things as much as possible.

Andrewsgal · September 2014

I am so confused. So the person you keep calling BIL is actually DHs cousin's husband?

bumpuser8448316 · September 2014

His family is going through a hard time. As his wife, it's your job to support him. If wha h needs to do is be in Texas then it's your job to say "we love you, we'll miss you but we'll hold down the fort while you're gone." Don't make his family's oss be about you being lonely

Arnegard · September 2014

((Hugs.))

When my FIL passed away, DH went to take care of the services and I stayed home with the girls. There was no point in dragging 3 kids to a strange house (to be with like 8 other people) for a week. We drove up the afternoon of the family service and came home the morning after the funeral while DH stayed an extra day to finish things.

I understand not sleeping well as my DH rotates shifts and works half days and half nights. Hopefully you can do something with DS or your friend to help take your mind off of all of it.

lexusolsen · September 2014

JMC11511 said:

iheartthe80s said:
Are you stressed about being alone with LO? Or are you hdbibg this hard if a time with your husband's uncle's passing?
Both. LO is having a hard time with DH being gone, I never sleep well when DH is gone. And then DH's uncle passing is really difficult for all of us. He was such a great person and this was all extremely sudden and unexpected. And then I also want to be able to comfort my husband while he goes through the grieving process. It's just difficult to be separated during such a sad time for our family.

I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like the best way for you to comfort and support your dh is to assure him that you can take care of things at home while he is gone. Adding to his stress by telling him how awfully things are at home isn't going to help him. It will just make him feel more torn about his various responsibilities.

If you need more time to yourself, take it. Ask friends for help or hire a babysitter or mother's helper. Heck, even just paying someone to clean your house so you can focus on yourself and your son. I understand there's a lot going on in both of your families but you need to keep it together.

In times like these, I think you dip into savings a little or put a little on a credit card so you can get through it. If that means hiring help or eating out more then so be it.

Hang in there!

raraavis28 · September 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the rough time you're having. I'm sure it doesn't help w/ your sense of closure either, being that far away from your DH and almost everyone involved.

Hang in there. Definitely hang out w/ your friend and just take it a day at a time til your H gets back. It'll be ok, hugs!

JMC11511 · September 2014

Andrewsgal said:

I am so confused. So the person you keep calling BIL is actually DHs cousin's husband?

I can see why you are confused. DH's biological siblings are all kinds of crazy. His cousin does not have any siblings. I have referred to them on this board a few other times as BIL/SIL. We are close with them, they live behind us. So yes, the BIL I referred to twice is DH's cousin's husband. Since I referred to them as BIL/SIL before, I used it to save time. Which has obviously backfired since I had to explain it anyway.

Sorry if that's weird or confusing.

chelseymat · September 2014

DH missed DDs first birthday party because of a death in his family. It was too late to reschedule. You will be fine. Please listen to everyone and do not put more pressure on your DH by complaining while he's gone. If he needs to be gone he needs to be gone. I get missing him….Trust me I get it. But it is your job to support him right now.

JMC11511 · September 2014

amy052006 said:

I hate being alone too. It sucks. But file this under "for better or worse, good times and in bad" and let him do what he needs to do for his family without adding pressure/drama.

You're absolutely right. I have not told DH anything about how hard of a time we are having without him. He knows we are sad and miss him, there's no point in reiterating it. I don't know where the idea came in that I have been anything less than supportive of DH and his family. We were all close to this Uncle who has passed away so unexpectedly. He was like a father figure to DH since DH has never had a relationship with his bio Dad. We are all mourning and sad and I am doing my best at home to keep everything running as it should. I came here to vent and be sad about it all since I can't say any of it to DH and don't really want to shoulder the rest of our family with it. I appreciate the kick in the butt to get it together.

orangegoggles · September 2014

I am sorry your family is in such a rough spot. I would invite some friends over and keep busy if you can. I imagine your DH is in a tough spot, especially if he feels you really need him at home too.

chelseymat · September 2014

I don't think anyone implied that you were being anything less than supportive of your DH but its a good reminder to continue to "fake it till you make it" so to speak. If your DH is going to be gone until the end of next week it will probably get harder without him but you should still be supportive and give him the "everything is fine here" response to keep him from worrying about you guys too. Good luck. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Cnon · September 2014

I am so sorry for your family's loss and am sending out hugs as well.

Cnon

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