Registry help, my husband is flipping out!

danjan2019 · September 2014

Due in January with our child, a boy and over the moon excited.

My husband is away and my best friend who has 1 year old twins told me I wanted her to go with me to look at items like car seats, strollers etc to shed some advice since last time I went into the store we are going to register at I was so overwhelmed. I thought it was a great idea and obviously will do the bulk with my husband as well as another store.

I asked my husband today if he mind if my bf and I went tomorrow and he legit flipped out and when I mean flipped he flipped. We hardly ever fight and Im so upset to think that he would think I would do it to get him mad. I was just doing it to help us as she had some good advice and had done tons of research. He said he wanted to do all the big stuff, etc and we are in a huge fight now. We are both very laid back and I obviously didn't think he would mind at all or else I wouldn't have even thought about it.

I have since told my best friend that it wasn't a good idea and I'm not going but we are still in a huge fight since he doesn't seem to understand it was just a best friend trying to help me out. I guess I'm happy he wants to do it all but this doesn't warrant his extreme behavior that is making me very upset and crying over it.

What to do?

kellyfo14 · September 2014

Tell him that you feel his upset is disproportionate to the situation. Of course you want him to be included in all the big events but it might help to have an "expert" opinion as well. If he was upset there must have been another way to express it. And here is the other thing. You asked him before you were going to go. If he had a problem with it he could have calmly told you that he would rather you not go. Sounds like maybe there is something deeper going on here for him.

TXUltraRunner · September 2014

HAHA My husband tried to stay in the car when I went to register this week

cassied7 · September 2014

I'd be upset if I were him too...until you explained what you explained to us. There's no reason for him to drag it out and stay mad. I'd just let it blow over. I hate arguing, especially when something is taken the wrong way. ETA: we were all excited to make a registry last time, and then we got to the store and within 2 minutes of being there got into an argument about what bottles to get. So that was fun.

babyzap20 · September 2014

I think his feelings are completely valid. While you have good intentions (which I'm sure he knows that too) that doesn't take away from the fact he is feeling bad because he can't be a part of it. If he is a first time daddy he is probably experiencing a slew of emotions and this topic brought out the anger/upset side of him. Does he have internet access? Ask him to make a list of things off of your registry site that he wants. That will at least give him some input. Can you wait until he comes back to do all this or are you in a time crunch? I don't know your situation, obviously.

kellyfo14 · September 2014

babyzap20 said:
I think his feelings are completely valid. While you have good intentions (which I'm sure he knows that too) that doesn't take away from the fact he is feeling bad because he can't be a part of it. If he is a first time daddy he is probably experiencing a slew of emotions and this topic brought out the anger/upset side of him. Does he have internet access? Ask him to make a list of things off of your registry site that he wants. That will at least give him some input. Can you wait until he comes back to do all this or are you in a time crunch? I don't know your situation, obviously.

OP said that she cancelled her plans and was already planning on doing the bulk of registering with him. Personally if OP was my bff I would say he was being a big baby but of course I don't know ALL the details/history.

lavet22 · September 2014

My husband would have been thrilled to get to skip the registry with DS1.

I'd just apologize and tell him you just thought her insight would be helpful and that you, of course, were going to go with him to do the other registry. He will settle down and get more rational about the situation and hopefully see you were not trying to not include him. Maybe he's feeling left out of the pregnancy?? Not sure how to help, but maybe making sure he's available for doctors appointments or getting an at home heart hearer-thingy (my brain isn't working right now.). Or, when you feel the baby move, try to put his hand on your belly so he can as well. Not sure if that's his issue, but it may help.

Milagros315 · September 2014

I understand why your husband would be upset. He probably feels left out. However his reaction sounds completely irrational and, in my opinion, unreasonable. If I was in your situation, I would apologize for hurting his feelings but also explain to him that his response was unacceptable. As PP said, you gave him the opportunity to calmly explain his feelings and make his requests heard. There was no reason for him to blow up.

Jellybean707 · September 2014

If my husband told me he was going to the store with a friend to start our registry I would be very upset. I might even flip my lid for a moment. I don't care how experienced anyone else is. Being left out of the process would cut deep for me.

I would apologize and let him cool off. He's probably going to feel better once he's had a chance to sleep on it.

bunchiemarie · September 2014

I decided to do the registry with my BFF who has a 9 mo old. My husband freaks out every time we go into a baby store and has no patience for shopping... Even the grocery store is like Supermarket Sweep, I always feel rushed. But when I told him my plans he got upset and angry. Once I explained my reasoning he got it. And I'll try to find other ways he can be involved that fit his interests more.

OP I don't think you did anything wrong. It's fun to go looking a baby stuff w friends who can give you advice. But I have learned that my DH cares about all kinds of things that surprised me since I've become pregnant -- I think he does feel left out and wants to share in the experience as much as possible, even in ways that don't always seem rational to me! GL making up -- Recognize that it is ultimately a good thing that he wants to be involved and I hope he gets past it soon

Stargirlb · September 2014

If he wants to participate in the registry do it with him. You can still go with your friend to scope stuff out. If he has a problem with you even going to the store with her to LOOK then it sounds like a control thing which disturbs me. Like, if my hubby went to the store to check out strollers I could care less. I WOULD care if he bought one without my input. Just looking should be no problem, and you and him can do the actual registry together.

AggieMom0809 · September 2014

I went spur of the moment to start a registry, didn't even bother telling DH. It's not like I'm buying a ton of things, it's just a list that can be edited. He wants to have a say in the big stuff, but like a man, he could care less about all the other crap that gets added.

LadyXaverian · September 2014

I could see him being disappointed but so mad that it has caused a fight seems... I think someone used the phrase "disproportionate to the situation".

I guess just wait and do the registering with him since it means so much to him, but his reaction is odd to me.

llambrose · September 2014

That is a major overreaction considering you hadn't actually done it yet. I don't really think you should feel too bad, you did nothing wrong.

Maebb · September 2014

Stargirlb said:
If he wants to participate in the registry do it with him. You can still go with your friend to scope stuff out. If he has a problem with you even going to the store with her to LOOK then it sounds like a control thing which disturbs me. Like, if my hubby went to the store to check out strollers I could care less. I WOULD care if he bought one without my input. Just looking should be no problem, and you and him can do the actual registry together.

I was going to say basically this. Could you ask your H if you could go with your friend before to kind of scope things out and start thinking about it but then go with him (with the barcode scanners and everything) to actually register? Or maybe all three go together? DH and I didn't have a single clue, and we were there looking up reviews on our phones and asking random moms in the store, "Hey, do I really need a wipe warmer? What kind of high chair would be best? How many newborn outfits do we really need?"

DH also after about 30 minutes was like, "Ok, I've had enough of this. If I stay in this store any longer, my head is going to explode. Could we do some research later and then add items to the registry online rather than staying in this store for two hours?" So that's what we did.

LaStella25 · September 2014

I'm sorry you are going through this. My hubby wanted nothing to do with the registry. He also didn't do anything with our wedding registry. I dragged my best friend to Target and we did the scanning together (I had done a lot of the registry online).

That being said, I have been reading Baby Bargains, and I have been making adjustments to my registry. Maybe you and DH can read reviews online together, watch YouTube videos, and then do the registry in the store once he's cooled down. Best wishes.

Cbeanz · September 2014

Aw, your husband sounds sentimental and very excited about being an involved dad. You two will get past this in no time.

babyzap20 · September 2014

kellyfo14 said:

I think his feelings are completely valid. While you have good intentions (which I'm sure he knows that too) that doesn't take away from the fact he is feeling bad because he can't be a part of it. If he is a first time daddy he is probably experiencing a slew of emotions and this topic brought out the anger/upset side of him. Does he have internet access? Ask him to make a list of things off of your registry site that he wants. That will at least give him some input. Can you wait until he comes back to do all this or are you in a time crunch? I don't know your situation, obviously.
OP said that she cancelled her plans and was already planning on doing the bulk of registering with him. Personally if OP was my bff I would say he was being a big baby but of course I don't know ALL the details/history.

I don't agree with HOW he reacted but his feelings are obviously hurt. Like you said, we don't know all the details but it sounds like there is a breakdown of communication somewhere.

banana2020 · September 2014

I think you just need to explain why you though tit was a good idea, tell him you were sorry that you hurt his feelings and made him feel like he wasn't a part of the process, and go register with him. Period. While he may have overreacted, we (all of us) do the same thing from time to time (overreact, that is). Maybe when he gets there he'll find he's just as overwhelmed as you were and then completely understand why you were enlisting the help of your friend.

MH couldn't have cared less about the registry but that's MH, not yours. if he had cared, I would haev made sure he was the first person involved and then I would have kept researching and fine tuning.

FWIW, what works for your friend may not be best for you anyway. I have friends that love x infant bucket seats while I don't love them at all, for example. When you get into the store and YOU and YH feel/see/use certain "big" items, you'll know what feels best to you. And enlist the help of the employees when figuring out which bases go with which seats, which seats go to what age, etc (for example). And go to BRU or a specialty store to start, Target and such won't be so much help.

Want a personalized experience?

Registry help, my husband is flipping out!

Re: Registry help, my husband is flipping out!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards