STM: harder the second time?

purtz · September 2014

I have to go back to work in one week. This is my second child and my second maternity leave with the same company. I don't know why, but this feels SO MUCH harder this time!!! Unfortunately I have a longer commute now; and DH travels out of town regularly. Dreading the evenings after a long day, not to mention the MOTN feedings. Kinda freaking out!!

BeachBum73 · September 2014

I had a much harder time the second time. Not only the extra work involved but I missed him more. Which sounds awful but I was overwhelmed with my first (plus I think I had some PPD issues going on) and was happy to go back to work. With my second, I was more laid back, enjoyed the newborn stage a little more and didn't want to go back to work even though things were easier because I worked from home the 2nd time. I did notice that things got very stressful when he was 6 months old - not sure why - but then it evened out again. Things are still busy but now that he's older, it is obviously much easier.

MommyAtty · September 2014

Like @ClaryPax‌ I found it a mixed bag. It was harder at first to juggle two. And when the older one says "please, Mommy, I just need to hold you for just one minute" (as though you have suddenly abandoned her and she never gets affection anymore), your heart will break. But overall I found my groove a lot faster. DH was definitely more help the second time around.

Mustardseed2007 · September 2014

Going back to work with the 2nd was harder only in that I was pumping the 2nd time around, and found that super stressful. I've now gotten into the groove and am not as stressed about it, plus we're at the 6 month mark and I'm letting myself stop. But the first day back it wasn't so much about missing DD (sorry) it was more about freaking out over getting everyone to DC and me to work with all our stuff intact.

TheBorg7of9 · September 2014

You'll have some hectic days, then you can reevaluate your routine and find a plan that works for you!

mommatotwo2 · September 2014

Both were hard for different reasons, with the first, she was a preemie with a major kidney defect and it was hard going back and juggling her specialist appointments and surgery. With the second baby, I was just very tired, from having two kids, and from pumping, which I did not do with the first. Also, my oldest started kindergarten at the same time I returned from leave and the baby started daycare, so that was fairly overwhelming due to all of the changes happening at once.

But, we survived

Now, we are in a routine and I barely remember what life was like with just one.

rockychryslerb2010 · September 2014

I just started my second leave, but I already have a feeling it is going to be harder to come back. Mostly because it will be just under three years between my maternity leaves, so I'm in a more senior role now. I'm also find it harder to unplug completely during my leave because of this. I know I'm going to be traveling regularly from the time I go back, and I get overwhelmed with the thought of pumping and traveling again.

With coming back the first time, I was in a role that allowed me to transition back on my schedule, especially with working from home a lot in the beginning and phasing in traveling. I don't think I'll be able to do that this time. Sucks being more senior!

CarrieB. · September 2014

Like PPs, going back was hard w #1 and them #2, for totally different reasons.

With #1, I was in terrible position at work and afraid of getting fired and had to start job hunting basically when I got back from leave. But DD1 was an easier baby and of course one baby is just so much easier than 2 kids.

DD2 was colicky and never slept and my DH works evenings, so adjusting to nights when I went back to work was really hard. But for some reason I could survive on less sleep, maybe because I really like my current job.

Anyway, my advice is that's there's really no point in worrying about it. 2 kids is a lot harder than 1, but you get used to it and they grow up fast and you will sleep eventually. And I hope you never have to deal with colic, because it's awful.

emberlee3 · September 2014

Colic is awful!!! OMG that was really what made it so hard with #2 for me. After she outgrew the colic, we could figure out a routine, I could sleep more, and things worked themselves out.

MamaAllison · September 2014

I've been finding going back to work to be harder the second time around too. There are a lot of factors - she is younger than DD1 was when I went back to work with her, my mornings/days/evenings feel like a marathon, pumping sucks, and that double day care bill makes me think about SAH, a thought that has never before crossed my mind.

I'm no help other than to say you are not alone!

DiveFrog · September 2014

rockychryslerb2010 said:

I just started my second leave, but I already have a feeling it is going to be harder to come back. Mostly because it will be just under three years between my maternity leaves, so I'm in a more senior role now. I'm also find it harder to unplug completely during my leave because of this. I know I'm going to be traveling regularly from the time I go back, and I get overwhelmed with the thought of pumping and traveling again.

With coming back the first time, I was in a role that allowed me to transition back on my schedule, especially with working from home a lot in the beginning and phasing in traveling. I don't think I'll be able to do that this time. Sucks being more senior!

**Stuck in box.

This is exactly the scenario I am thinking about. We are currently ttc #2, but anytime I have a child in the next 2yrs will mean I will most likely have to take a shorter ML, and hit the ground running in terms of immediate travel and long hours when I do come back. It will be a much different, and I fear much more difficult situation then the first time around when I didn't need to travel the first 6 months I was back, and had a very flexible schedule both in regards to my hours, and being able to WFH quite a bit.

I know DH & I will survive, but it is truly daunting to think about.

071115 · September 2014

Going back to work with my second was so hard. So overwhelming! It got easier the longer I was at work. I really didn't want to go back at all. This time with number 3 I am not going back and that freaks me out too. Just can't win as a mom sometimes.

amieeyoung · September 2014

I dread going back to work- I've not had my second one yet, but am worried about balancing it all and it will be much earlier going back to work that the first time, and pumping- nervous about pumping.

The good new is- We will get through it and one day we'll look back and be like... hmmm where did the time go?

purtz · September 2014

I am so tired. Though I am almost done breast feeding/pumping, I think I might need to go to the 'mothers room' at work a few times a day and take a nap!!

MommaP12 · September 2014

It was harder for me to go back after my second because I hated my job. That then spawned into a depression about wanting to stay at home in general which deep down I know is not for me. I would love to go part time but I'm the bread winner/insurance carrier so it's not an option.

BBColt78 · September 2014

I went back today and cane running to this board. Today was a shit show. DD newborn woke up at 3:30 and I couldn't go back to sleep. I have 28 kids in my class and they were quite a challenge. Lived on coffee and barely ate. Got home to no bottles clean and dd#1 needs dinner while I'm feeding #2. Now I need to go to bed early and pray that I get some sleep, rinse repeat. And all with my husband's help. And tomorrow dd #1 I have to drop at preschool and dd #2 at daycare!

Not gonna lie... Waiting for newborn dd to get older so I can deal.

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