I am not going to be like my parents

JujuB22 · September 2014

What things have your parents done that you absolutely refuse to do?

If my daughter ends up being a bit chunky, I will not make a big deal out of it like my mother did with me (I was thin until high school, then filled out a bit). My mother is already hinting to me that I need to lose weight. We get along the best when I am at my thinnest. I'm lucky I don't have an eating disorder.

mrscbrad · September 2014

I insist on healthy food. My parents weren't the most educated on nutrition when I was a kid and my sister and I both struggled because of it. Thankfully my parents have changed a lot since I was a kid. No sweet tea in a bottle for my toddler. Lol.

Unknown · September 2014

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Savvy122 · September 2014

My dad left when I was 3, so uh, I plan to stick around for my kids. Winning.

And I love my mom dearly (she passed away a little over a year ago and I miss her so much) but I definitely do not plan to copy her parenting style. She was very permissive and a bit of a pushover. I never really took advantage, although I could have, easily... but my little brother was so coddled that he has no sense of responsibility and refuses to take care of himself. He was 29 when my mom died and still lived at home... with no degree and no job. I helped him find an apartment and get a job and it lasted all of 3 months. Now he's unemployed again and lives in my step-sister's basement.

I love my boys, but I don't want them living in my basement when they're 40.

Hairstylist16 · September 2014

I was just thinking of this last night during a motn feeding. My parents are really great especially my mom and I base a lot of who I am as I mom after her but I think less knowledge of money. I was always so aware of how broke we were and since my mom was a sahm things were really tight financially and I was always worried that we were about to be homeless or something and I don't think things were that bad and I'm not saying that kids should get everything they ever want and working for you want is a great thing but I don't want to put that kind of pressure on my kids shoulders and I definitely want to help give them a better understanding of money and savings.

diagonalley · September 2014

I am definitely going to be more involved in my children's school life. I was a horrible student simply because I didn't do homework or study, and they really didn't make sure I did. When I went to college I began to care and made dean's list almost every semester. Unfortunately for my kids, I also work in the district they attend so I will be all over them about creating good habits and will be well informed of their progress!

steprozz · September 2014

I don't think my parents did anything I wouldn't do. the problem wasn't my parents, it was me :-S

amackattack · September 2014

I have the greatest parents! I do think I'd like to be more open and honest to talk about subjects that might be taboo for whatever reason. I would also like to emphasize there are lots of different "right" ways to do things, and be much more open to my children choosing their own path for religion and lifestyle, with less emphasis on going to a 4 year college immediately after high school. One thing my H and I plan to do that I am excited about is when our kids are in middle school, we would like to start preparing 3-4 slides on a different job every other week to present to our kids. I feel like I was so uninformed as to what my options were, and as a 17 year old I didn't have the patience or knowledge to begin to do any research.

rachel8078 · September 2014

I hope to not fight in front of LO and to make a point to be affectionate with DH/ say I love you, things like that. I cannot recall a single time I ever heard my parents say they loved each other and I could count on one hand the times I had seen them kiss. Surprise, they split once when I was younger and then divorced (for the second time) when I finished college. Obviously, I'd like to set a much better example of what a loving, supportive marriage can look like. I don't want DD to end up in a controlling, abusive relationship like I did (before DH!) just because she doesn't know what to look for.

Brittnic531 · September 2014

I want to teach my kids fiscal responsibility. My parents were awful with money and are just now getting out of debt. I can remember my dad complaining to me about how we didn't have any money and how he can't talk to my mom about it because she just gets upset and cries. No little kid needs to worry about that. If we're ever blessed with more kids, I will try my hardest to treat each kid as their own individual person. My parents would treat me based on my brothers and wouldn't see that I was nothing like them.

rainbowdashh · September 2014

I think my parents were great parents. I will be kinder to myself than my mom was to herself though. I always felt like she didn't love herself and it made me sad.

rachel8078 · September 2014

ktcmama said:
@rachel8078‌ my parents never showed affection either and unfortunately I am like that too. I really need to change that.

I'm the total opposite, stage 5 clinger to my DH!

irenewslee · September 2014

I love my parents and they do everything for us but they also never show much affection. My dad would show more when I was little but as I got older, he became more like a life mentor. My parents live outside of the country and sent us to the US for school when we were around high school age. My bro and I lived with my uncle and aunt for a few years before we left for college. I am grateful that we grew up way more independent but our bonding with our parents is much more distanced now (my bro and I are super close). I remember being depressed for the first couple years because I missed home so much and not living with my parents sucked. I would never send my kids away until they are in college because those are precious years and it's so easy for teenagers to go the wrong directions, especially in today's world.

ricecakes1216 · September 2014

Overall, my parents were great parents. My dad was pretty absent because he worked soooo much. We also bumped heads a lot because we're so much a like. With that said, he was there when it counted.

Like many of you have said, I plan to teach my children a healthy lifestyle. I don't want them to struggle the way my siblings and I have. My mom was terrified if the dentist so that was projected on us. My teeth suck because of it and I share the same fear of the dentist. My kids will have a healthy out look on the dentist. (That sounds so weird.) My parents also weren't open about sex. The only reason I learned about it was because my oldest sister got pregnant at 17. She has a very open dialogue with my nephew about it and I plan to have the same.

Taymiller · September 2014

My parents were super strict so when I went to college I went crazy. I am going to try and not be so strict so that my child isn't me his freshman year of college, so crazy.

Dharmatron · September 2014

Lcgroenewe said:

I have the greatest parents! I do think I'd like to be more open and honest to talk about subjects that might be taboo for whatever reason. I would also like to emphasize there are lots of different "right" ways to do things, and be much more open to my children choosing their own path for religion and lifestyle, with less emphasis on going to a 4 year college immediately after high school. One thing my H and I plan to do that I am excited about is when our kids are in middle school, we would like to start preparing 3-4 slides on a different job every other week to present to our kids. I feel like I was so uninformed as to what my options were, and as a 17 year old I didn't have the patience or knowledge to begin to do any research.

I really, really love this idea!

RedMar · September 2014

@amoot890‌ - we loveeee the Finger Lakes! Where are you from?

kriati03 · September 2014

My parents were very involved and supportive of our activities, so I will definitely do that... Soccer mom all the way! But my mom was not a good communicator; she only glazed over the topics of drugs, alcohol, and sex. I hope to be able to have a discussion and then open dialogue with my kids on difficult topics.

CrysW08 · September 2014

My mom never encouraged me to be social/have friends & never wanted to take me to hang out with friends when I did have them. I also was an only child until I was 12 and I still lack the social skills to make & keep friends. Pretty terrible traits to be lacking when you live across the country from your entire family!

ETA: I want to encourage LO to cultivate her friendships even if doing that is inconvenient for me.

Brittnic531 · September 2014

@amoot890‌ - just chiming in to say I'm in NE Ohio too! Never been to the Finger Lakes though.

RedMar · September 2014

@amoot890‌ - or you could stay with us

! We are close to Ithaca - so crunchy and beautiful lol. The water lodge is nice, I used to work there in college when it was just a ski resort.

This can spring off my answer for this thread: I plan to take LO places! I barely traveled as a kid and would get really jealous of my friends that did. My parents split when my sister and I were young, so that decreased the traveling even more. I feel as though it broadens children's knowledge and gives them appreciation and understanding of different ways of life. So much can be learned when out of your comfort zone!

kks4471 · September 2014

@RedMar I grew up near Ithaca too, and got married at a vineyard on Seneca Lake

I'm just hoping DS doesn't grow up as quiet and shy as the rest of us. I'm going to encourage him to speak up and voice his opinion.

CVislo · September 2014

There are many things I refuse to do. I will NOT make my children pick one sport unless there is interference with the ones they choose. I will NOT tell one child he can't do a sport or activity because they other child has already chosen a few that cost quite a bit.

My parents were wonderful at telling me that I couldn't play sports because my younger brother and sister had already spent too much money. I would have been a damn good volleyball player.

My parents also didn't investigate when someone was told on. Often, my younger siblings would break something and blame it on me, and I would get in to trouble while they laughed.

I was very much the scapegoat in my house because I was the oldest. I always got shittier things and the shittier end of the deal. It was horseshit and I am doing my best to treat my boys equally. I have so much resentment towards my family for this and I don't want to pass that on to my boys.

katekat8721 · September 2014

My parents were good parents and they're awesome grandparents. They do some shit that bugs me, but compared to a lot of other parents it's not that bad.

I make an effort already to not be so judgemental though. They are slightly racist and homophobic and we're not at all. We are mindful of what we say to the girls (I.e. one day you'll have a boyfriend or girlfriend) and we make them curb their comments around us since it pisses me off. I also don't let them say shit like "omg we're sooo fat" because that's not healthy.

My sister is exactly like my parents. I don't know how I ended up dodging the homophobic/racist/self loathing bullet but I'm so glad I did.

Pahialii · September 2014

1) Not pass on my body issues to my child. My extended family is mostly obese and I would get told daily that I needed to watch my weight because chances are I'd get fat.

2) DH and I have a great relationship but if ever it fell a part, my DD will NOT be told all the horrible things that DH (hypothetically) did. My mom told me my dad cheated on her right after she gave birth to me and I didn't realize how much that affected me until I have birth myself.

Read247 · September 2014

My mom did a pretty good job, but there are a few things I will do differently.

1) sibling rivalry - it's ok to treat your kids differently, they're individuals, but I will treat mine more equally. I'm not close to my siblings and we're all in our 30s. I don't want that for my boys.

2) I will pay more attention to my kids and try to be involved in their lives. I don't want to be a helicopter parent, but I don't want my kid so depressed that he tries to kill himself and me have no clue.

3) I will teach my boys the importance of college and make sure they go.

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