Advice needed. *Warning: Loss Mentioned**

keags5496 · September 2014

I know I haven't been around a ton and that my starting new discussion to commenting ratio is getting a bit lopsided, but I'm hoping for some guidance.

You may know that I started a new job at the beginning of the school year. The teacher across the hall from me told me she was pregnant (10 weeks) and we had talked quite a bit about it. She just found out that she lost the baby and won't be back until Monday. I'd love to do something small and unobtrusive to let her know that I'm there for her if she needs it but I barely know her and don't want to overstep bounds.

Would a small card in her mailbox or on her desk for when she comes back on Monday be too much? Should I just not mention it unless she says something to me? I feel like not saying anything would be awkward and would make her eventually have to say the words and I really want her to know that I'm here if she needs anything. Not sure what the best way to approach this is....

Missy0483 · September 2014

I think the card would be best since you don't know her that well and then she may approach you on her own terms. It will let her know you care and not ignoring the situation like most people would do. Not mentioning anything and pretending it didn't happen really hurts, at least from my perspective. Saying something to her in person first may be awkward for both of you.

boogerbearoriginal · September 2014

Maybe just something slightly vague, like a card that says Thinking of You or something so she "gets" that you know and there's no pressure for her to talk about it ?

Unknown · September 2014

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nebraska84 · September 2014

I agree with the card, and maybe a frozen meal. I had a friend who lost a pregnancy and she really enjoyed having meals dropped off. Just an idea...

shellbell3845 · September 2014

Is it inappropriate to give a flower or something? A little plant? I'm just thinking something pretty might bring a bit of cheer. But I don't know if that might be insensitive or too much? I think I would appreciate that gesture if I was in that situation.

keags5496 · September 2014

Madisonpenny said:
I agree with PPs. Can I ask how you found out?

Sure. She left school early the other day. I saw her leave and asked if she was okay and she told me she was going to get an ultrasound because she was spotting. When she didnt show up to school today I assumed, but checked in with a close friend of here and she confirmed. I'm pretty sure she's aware I know.

JackieP1023 · September 2014

I agree with PP. It is important to acknowledge the loss. After my 20 week loss, I had one (ONE!) coworker of about 20 at the time even acknowledge it at all.

KatM84 · September 2014

It's such a hard situation. I know with my loss, I had a coworker ignore it completely. I had been open about my pregnancy at work early on, so when I found out at an appointment I had to call out of work and explained why. Obviously everyone is different, but to me, completely ignoring what happened hurt me. A card is a great idea. Just to let her know you're there to talk when and if she's ready, or just that you're sorry she's going through such a horrible time.

djtippietoes · September 2014

When I had my loss, my boss left a card and some cookies on my desk. I appreciated it. The card just said she was thinking of me.

TessyMessy · September 2014

For me work was a place to escape and *try* to act *normal*. I did have a few coworkers acknowledge and give cards. It's an awkward situation for all. I would give her a card, keep it short and sweet and be there for her if she needs a friend to talk to.