How long/when are relatives staying over?

caranichole · September 2014

I don't know if anyone has asked this in such a a general way. Sorry, if it's been done please feel free to link me to the thread.

How long/when are relatives staying over? Are they staying in a hotel nearby or your home?

I'm just curious. I've been telling our families to wait until we let them know when it's appropriate for them to come and more specifically that I personally do not want them present for the birth so it will be after (not long after) baby has arrived.

Also, our temporary house is small and there's not much room for visitors. Nearest hotel is in another town 20min away so I'm stressed about that. Both of our parents are like elderly/sick types.

caranichole · September 2014

I feel like I should mention that MIL wants to stay for a month and my parents are king and queen of worry. They probably already have a bag packed in anticipation. I haven't even packed my hospital bag yet.

persephonerose · September 2014

I don't plan to let any one visit while we are in the hospital. Everyone has been told not to even ask. I don't want to worry about juggling visitors/questions if we go early and end up with time in the NICU.

As far as after the babies come, we are only hosting in house visitors for people who will actually be helpful. And by helpful I mean people who will/can run errands, help clean up, entertain our toddler, ect. Anyone who is just wanting to come sit and hold the babies while we wait on them will not be invited until much later, like between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

jlabbe1123 · September 2014

My mom & step dad will be flying in about a week after LO is born & they will stay for about 2 weeks. I'm good with that because they are low maintenance & love cleaning so big bonus for me lol.

My MIL on the other hand has decided to fly in the middle on Nov & she's bringing along he boyfriend, both her parents, & my BIL. They will all be staying at the house for about 4 days. I am totally stressed about that visit because MIL is super needy & her dad has Parkinisons so needs a lot of help. Not looking forward to having 5 more people in the house with a 1 month old. Honestly can't wait for that to be done & over with.

linnae939 · September 2014

my in-laws live about 45 min away, and we told them they would be notified but could not be in the room at all until I'm in recovery. Luckily my mom, who is awesome, lives 6 min from me, so she will be getting a call as soon as I'm in labor and might hang out with me at my house until we go to the hospital, she will be the only person other than DH who will be able to come into the birthing room, but only the early stages. After the birth my mom has offered to clean my house so we go home to a clean home...best present ever. When DH goes back to work, she will take a week off to stay with me. Since she lives so close and our guest room is now the baby's room, she'll probably sleep at home, or on our couch for a little bit. My dad will also probably be over our house non stop, but will be less than helpful. haha

We are having no overnight guests b/c that sounds like the worst thing to be hostess right then (though hopefully people who would stay over would be doing so to help you, and not act strictly like your guests...) Out of town visitors are staying with my parents, his parents, or in a hotel about 15 min away.

bumpuser10309732 · September 2014

My mom is coming up for the birth and staying with us a couple weeks. This is not her first rodeo so I know she will be helpful and make both of us feel less anxious. Then after she leaves my dad will stay about a week making us dinners and things like that. Those are the only people staying with us. Unless someone else is planning to come and hasn't told me yet which is completely possible with my siblings. IL's live about 3 minutes away. They're pretty good about personal space but MIL is super excited so I'm wondering how that's going to go. I think for the most part if people want to see her they're going to stay with my IL's or just come for a couple hours. Most of my family is hoping I bring her to them for Thanksgiving which is kind of annoying.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

My mom and brother and my ILs want to wait in the waiting room when I go into labor. DH and I have told all of them that we aren't sure when we will be up for visitors and that we want several hours with just the baby after the birth. That hasn't seemed to deter them, so we figure if they want to wait then it is on them.

We won't have anyone stay over at our house for at least the first month, so anyone from out of town will need to get their own accommodations set up.

This may sound like I don't care about family and visitors, but most of the people in our lives try to make everything about themselves and I'm not even entertaining those antics anymore.

That said, all of the above is the plan if DH is here and not at work when I go into labor. I still need to finalize a Plan B if I end up doing this alone.

SCMomma · September 2014

caranichole said:
I feel like I should mention that MIL wants to stay for a month

That would get a big fat no from me!

Our plan is to keep things under wraps until we are back home and have had a few hours to settle with baby. After that it will be just phone calls until WE feel like having visitors. I've asked my mom to come stay a few days during a week after my husband goes back to work. MIL might stay over on a Friday or Saturday night... I love her, but having her over for much longer would make me feel as if I'm hosting guests. I don't care if MY mom sees me in nothing but granny panties, but MIL is a whole other thing.

pnwlover12 · September 2014

Never. We don't do family sleepovers.

angeltennis3 · September 2014

Honestly, it's such a personal decision that really no one else can tell you what the best situation is. Some people want their parents around during the birth and at home after to help, other people don't.

Personally, I like my space. I'm fine with people coming by to visit for an hour here or there, but I don't want anyone staying with us. The only exception I am allowing is my inlaws, but they are staying for three nights (two full days) and then leaving. This is their grandchild, too, so I am trying to balance what I want and still giving them the time to meet their first grandchild. I did lay some ground rules, though.

1) My FIL has been helping my DH finish our basement. It's a noisy, messy process. I know that he isn't going to want to just sit and play with the baby the ENTIRE time, so I said it's fine if they want to work on the basement as long as I don't hear it and that my DH's number one priority is me and his daughter. He will not be my FIL's little assistant. I know my MIL will clean up after them so I am less concerned about that.

2) I am going to be giving breastfeeding the best shot I can. I do not feel comfortable whipping out my boob in front of anyone but DH at this point, but I also don't want to have to cart our daughter up to the nursery every time she needs to eat. So, when she gets hungry, everyone else needs to leave the room we are in and give us some privacy.

caranichole · September 2014

MrsBabe614 said:

Most of my family is hoping I bring her to them for Thanksgiving which is kind of annoying.

@MrsBab614

DH and I decided that this would be the first year that we will be staying at our own home for the holidays. At Christmas time we will likely drive down to see my parents because all of my siblings usually come to town with my nieces and nephews but we are going to try to make it happen days before or after Christmas and spend Christmas day at our house. I already know my folks are going to freak out when we tell them that news!

Liss1481 · September 2014

MIL and FIL will be staying at the house while we're in the hospital (they're watching DS1 and the dog for us), but I don't think anyone else will be staying before or after. They'll head home once we're discharged though. My dad/brother/grandmother will just come down for the day to visit most likely.

AmandaJean12 · September 2014

My parents are five hours away and my little sister is four hours away, so I plan to tell them really late in labor or right after LO gets here.

I'm sure my dad won't stay longer than a day or so. My sister maybe two or three and my mom maybe a few more. I'm letting them make their own decision on that but there will be no hostessing going on. They will be helping or taking care of themselves.

MsMacual · September 2014

I think it is a very personal decision between you and your husband. It is totally ok to draw the line and ask your family to stay in a hotel- especially if you live in a smaller space and would like your privacy.

We don't know exactly. With our first- my MIL arrived the day after we came home from the hospital and stayed for 2 1/2 days and my parents visited for 24 hours the weekend after (LO was born on a Monday, released from the hospital on Wed). My MIL stayed with us and my parents stayed at a hotel.

This time is a little more up in the air due to several factors. Our plan right now is that we'll call my mom as soon as I go into labor so she can hopefully get to us in time to take care of our son (I had a pretty quick labor with my first so our window isn't huge and she is 4 1/2-5 hours away). I might ask her to plan to come to our house 2 days before my due date b/c I had our first the day before his due date. I think she'll stay until I'm home from the hospital and settled. We are hosting our older's son's birthday party and the baby's baptism the first weekend of November so all of our family will be here. My entire family has a block of rooms at a hotel and my MIL will stay with us. We have a fairly large house so hosting a few family isn't really a huge deal for us as long as they aren't expecting that we'll be doing a ton for them. I'm able to go into a different part of our house if I need/want privacy and I'm not afraid to do that.

rae76 · September 2014

My parents live in the same town so they will just stop to visit, not stay over. My sister/BIL will stay with them when they come to visit, which hopefully will be right when we get home for a few days. DH's family lives 14 hours away and have planned to come mid-October (I'm due Oct 7th). They are staying for a week. They usually stay with us, however our house is small as is and the one spare bedroom we had is now the nursery. They either have to sleep on the double bed in the nursery and BIL sleeps on the couch or they will have to get a motel room. We have a small motel that has a few nice suites with it so I'm considering reserving them the 2 bedroom suite just in case.

amstevens78 · September 2014

My mom will be with me and my husband during the birth. She was the last time. I have three sisters that will probably be at the hospital, but will not be in the room during the birth. My in-laws are planning to keep my 12 yr old and bring him to hospital after she is born. All my family and my hubby's family live just minutes away from us, so I am sure they will be at my house a lot, but no one is spending the night because they live so close. Both my mom and my MIL will help us with cleaning, cooking, and running errands. They are also going to babysit after I go back to work along with a long time family friend. So I will have plenty of help and I will so gladly take it.

Eelyak2 · September 2014

All of our family lives in the same town as us. They will probably all be in the waiting room for the scheduled c-section. I find that mostly annoying, especially in my ILs case but I will live. My parents are keeping DS that weekend though so I hope they visit the hospital often and I know my mom will be around helping after LO comes home. My ILs may come to our house once, but otherwise they will expect us to go to them. Nope.

Emerald27 · September 2014

MIL is flying in 2 weeks after my due date and staying one week. She will stay with us.

My mom will drive up the weekend my MIL heads home (she's much closer and so sees her grandson(s) pretty often) and will stay for some undetermined length of time, but she'll be staying with my grandmother who lives just 15mins from us.

We prefer to have a bit of time to get home and settled and bonded before visitors arrive.

MollyC20 · September 2014

We will be calling our parents when we go into labor, but no one will be at the hospital until we call and tell them to come (after breast feeding, introducing daughter, family time).

When we get home my husband will have a week paternity leave and no one will be at our house, then the second week my mom will come up for a well and that's it (besides in laws probably coming up unannounced every weekend for a while.........)

BreandMikewedding · September 2014

My mil is flying in from out of state 3 days before my rcs and she is going to take care of my two other kids and our zoo of pets. She is going to bring the kids to the hospital around the time my c-section is done so they can meet their little brother. She is going to do short visits with the kids for the four days we are in the hospital. She has already said she will do all cleaning and cooking while she is here and let me rest. I love my mil! She will be here two weeks and I will sob when she leaves.

My mom lives 5 minutes from me and I don't know if she even knows when we are due. She doesn't acknowledge or talk about my pregnancy. My Dd even commented today how her friends at school ask more questions and are more excited than my mom. She's weird! She barely acknowledges my ds still and he's 2.5. She may come to the hospital but that will be it.

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