How to politely say no babies at the shower

Rainbow17 · September 2014

The shower website says "adult only" on it. The shower will be at a restaurant. But my friend asked me (not the hostess) if she can bring her baby who will be about 6 months old. How do I politely say no?

sandrabrooke · September 2014

I would say she could come...

but I'd also talk to the hostess to actually make sure its okay and there aren't specific rules on the baby in the restaurant.

I get no kids with weddings, but I feel a little weird about saying no to a new mom with an infant at a baby shower. I mean, its ABOUT a baby...

minirella · September 2014

Is there a reason it is adults only?

I'm just curious. I've never been to one that didn't have at least one child there.

Unknown · September 2014

This content has been removed.

jennypolkadots · September 2014

Exactly what Daisy Blinks said - if you aren't throwing the shower you can't really give permission anyways. I would either say that you understand if she can't make it or ask her politely to ask the hostess because you aren't sure what is being planned.

I can't really understand no babies at a baby shower. At a formal wedding where a sacred ceremony will take place hopefully without loud crying and cooing? Totally. A Bachelorette party? Obviously. But I would welcome the idea of babies at my baby shower

It's like free entertainment and reminds everyone what sweetness is coming to your family. It may also depend on how much you like this friend though and if she is the type who would make your shower about her baby... 99% of people are not this way though. She may be nursing and leaving the baby is not an option.

shellybean3788 · September 2014

Why no babies at the baby shower? Will there be strippers? Beer bongs?

BookitBoo · September 2014

Why no babies at the baby shower? Does the restaurant not allow them?

shellybean3788 · September 2014

I guess, if it's possible, I'd just like the reasoning explained. Is it a religious preference, a social norm, or just a personal choice? Why is it specifically requested that guests don't bring their babies to a baby shower?

As someone who's never heard of this, it just seems odd, almost like asking that no married women come to your wedding.

Not trying to be snarky, just curious.

shellybean3788 · September 2014

Well, I guess in that case I'd agree with PP's and say, leave it to the hostess to enforce her rules. There's no need for OP to get involved in the planning efforts.

ksgsmu · September 2014

I don't want babies at my shower but I am leaving it up to the hostesses... I do understand women with breast feeding babies bringing them along though. I agree with previous posters about having her ask the hostesses. Not worth a rift in a friendship....

BookitBoo · September 2014

I guess I just don't see a 6 month old being that destructive or distracting. And depending on when the baby shower is scheduled I know it's difficult for me to get a babysitter during the school year. But then I only have one babysitter and she is very active in her school.

kellyfo14 · September 2014

I am with everyone talking about breastfeeding moms. As someone who breastfed two babies it can be a little tough to be away for too long. On the other hand she should be able to prepare ahead of time if this is a deal breaker for you. I also agree that baby showers are more fun with babies there but I would respect the choice not to include them.

PrimRoseMama · September 2014

As a nursing mom I would most likely nurse right before I left or pump. Then being the pump/storage with me. Excuse myself to pump & bring some ice packs. If I'm gone for more than four hours it might be uncomfortable (even now at 13 months BF).

Honestly, when DS was 6 months I would have welcomed a nice Adult-Only Event for a couple of hours.

All that said, tell the guest to talk with the hostess. It's not your home or event. So you can't give the green light.

Empireceo · September 2014

As far as babysitters go, most showers I go to are women only events (though you don't specify). Can the father not take care of the baby for a few hours alone?

Dancerppf · September 2014

If its at a restaurant its probably no children because they charge per person. Most good restaurants charge anywhere from $35+ per person. To pay that for each child is costly. The cost probably doesn't pertain to infants however its difficult to explain why someone's 6 month old was able to attend while someone elses 6 year old couldn't. Its best to say no children so the issue isn't confused.

MommyOfAMiracle · September 2014

shellybean3788 said:

Why no babies at the baby shower? Will there be strippers? Beer bongs?

I'd like an invite to that baby shower.

Beevol · September 2014

You are not the host of the shower, so direct the question to the host.

If your friends are mostly childless and do not like to have babies around them at their social outings, that is cool and it sounds like the shower will be one of your last Hoorahs with them anyway because in a few short months you will also need to make the decision to not attend a child-free evening because you're breastfeeding and/or can't afford a frivolous babysitter, etc.

summererobinson · September 2014

I would just say that babies are not allowed if thats how you feel. But be prepared for her to not show up in that case.

Unknown · September 2014

This content has been removed.

crunchymamaof2 · September 2014

I don't get the shower website, and it's rude to put "adults only." She was pretty forward to ask you especially if the baby's name wasn't on the invite. Refer her to the hostess and let her handle things.

nikkitaplin · September 2014

a quick google search on shower website came up with this: https://webbabyshower.com/

But I'm wondering if it was more of an evite type situation....like evite.com?

krysmill · September 2014

My feeling is if its a bridal shower no babies! But people with newborns still brought there babys to my wedding shower even knowing they were asked not to by the hostess. But I understood cause all 3 baby's were under 3 months, still breastfeeding and quite the whole time. My SIL made a big scene cause I didnt invite her 3 year old who runs a muck! But I feel baby showers are different. I don't think I've ever been to a baby shower that didn't have a baby at it. But like everyone said direct them to the hostess. That's what I will do.

Dancerppf · September 2014

It's correct that babies are no additional cost but my point was that it's hard to tell someone that they can bring an infant and someone else that they can't bring a 6 year old. And most people just don't want to pay for 12 children's meals even if it's at a reduced cost.

lezlers · September 2014

I don't see the problem with an adult only shower. I went to a shower for a friend of mine last year and with all the babies, everyone was so distracted there was minimal attention actually being paid to the guest of honor. A baby shower is a celebration for the mother to be and unborn child, not a celebration of all the guests' children. Also, this guest is phenomenally rude asking the OP directly if her baby can come. She should be asking the hostess. I'm guessing she probably assumed the hostess would say no so decided to circumvent her and go directly to the guest of honor. Nice.

WildFlower2350 · September 2014

I'm going through the same thing. My MIL and SIL automatically assume my nieces are invited to the baby shower...we went through this once already with my bridal shower years ago. On my father's side alone my cousins have 26 children between them...about 20 are under 12 years old. That doesn't count the cousins from my mom's side and my girlfriend's kids. My feeling is if you extend the invite to one person to bring their children you must extend it to everyone. I have no nieces and nephews as my only brother doesn't have kids. In many ways, my cousin's children feel like nieces and nephews thus, are no less special to me b/c they are my cousin's kids (i feel like my in laws think NIECES and NEPHEWS trump others) So in my case, unless I am having it at Chuck E. Cheese I am staying firm with no kids. It may make some people unable to attend which I can appreciate and understand but can you imagine 25-30 kids under 12 at a 4 hour lunch in a restaurant??? I guess my family historically has had adult only parties (i.e showers) at restaurants but whenever there is a family party at the house kids are welcome. I love them and it's hilarious chaos when they are all around but baby shower? Restaurant? Not appropriate. Direct her to the host. In my case, I am the bad guy here with my family. Oh well.

animalcrckr · September 2014

Dancerppf said:

It's correct that babies are no additional cost but my point was that it's hard to tell someone that they can bring an infant and someone else that they can't bring a 6 year old. And most people just don't want to pay for 12 children's meals even if it's at a reduced cost.

There is a huge difference between bringing a 6 month old and a 6 year old. I do not know anyone that would get upset that a baby was allowed to attend but not a young child. Maybe I come from some strange place but I have never attended an adult only baby shower. In fact, I just hosted a baby shower at my house this past week and we had 8 babies 15 months and younger. My 4 and 5 year old boys were there as well but DH was playing with them outside. Everyone else left their young children at home with the dads but still brought the babies. This is just normal to me but does not seem to be the case everywhere.

jinnymb · September 2014

There is nothing wrong with an adult only baby shower. Direct them to the hostess. A breastfed 6 month old can go 3 hours without their mom. If she had a brand new born I see her asking, but yeah she should ask the hostess. Maybe the OP has people the hostess was worried about making a spectacle about their baby and taking attention away from the new mom to be. Whatever the reason if you can't find a sitter or are offended, don't go...