baby shower?

mandyreads · September 2014

I made the mistake of going over to a different forum. But someone asked about a baby shower for moms that are not FTM. I am actually having one given to me at our church. And this is our 4th girl. It has been 7 yrs since we had a baby and we got rid of everything. EVERYTHING. I am fine either way with it. I know times are different but some of the reponses were harsh. (No surprise) What say you? Thoughts?

Skrittens · September 2014

Personally, if someone is offering, I don't have a problem with it. Especially since it has been seven years since your last - and that was the third so your stuff was probably pretty used at the time and would be pretty old by now.

The problem I have with second showers are the people like my sister with her second - she had all of the stuff already from a first and was just looking for upgrades and to sell the stuff she had - or got if she didn't like it - for extra spending money (they didn't need it for diapers or groceries or anything). Certainly a different case than you.

Bigboneded · September 2014

I would go :-) I dont think its a crime to have a shower.... after 7 years, you are hardly being gift grabby. I lurked the other forum. Now I am afraid to even register for fear of being considered greedy. But WTH I am a FTM expecting twins and probably losing my job (horrid boss). God knows, I need all the help I can get! !!! :-)

mandyreads · September 2014

My pastor's wife wants me to register but I feel silly and don't want to. I understand out church is small an not a lot have money. So I don't want to do that to them. But you should definitely register @Bigboneded‌ !! Have fun with it!

Mrs.McIrish · September 2014

The baby shower board is very pro showers only for FTMs.

If I was invited to a shower for a 4th baby, I would not attend bc I think it's too much. If someone wants to buy you a gift when the baby is born, they will without a shower. Just my opinion.

harmonicbabe26 · September 2014

I know that a lot of people would call it gift grabby or what not BUT! If someone is offering up to throw a shower out of their own free will AND people who are invited are agreeing to come, what is the problem?? It's not like either of the sides - shower hostess or shower guests - are forced into anything... If someone feels offended by an invitation to a repeat shower they shouldn't come. And the mom who is being showered should ignore judgment. Also, I think a shower for a baby born after. Long break like that is more justified. Chances are none of the same people - except maybe grandparents - will be there or having to buy gifts again right? I have friends who had a girl first then a boy couple of years later and they had two showers. Or shower and a 'sprinkle'. I guess. I would be more judgy if someone was having another child of the same sex as the first and they were having another shower...

mandyreads · September 2014

That is the thing...the church is offering and everyone keeps asking when. So I know they want to. But I wasn't raised thinking you only got one. That was more of outdated practice in my family and even the friends I grew up with. Any time one of the gals in my group got pregnant we had a shower. The gifts may have gotten smaller, but it was more of an excuse to get together and see each other. A reunion of sorts.

topaz7777 · September 2014

If someone else is throwing you a shower, it seems perfectly fine to me. Most people just call it a sprinkle to make it a little less judgable. But really, I agree with PP, if someone throws it for you and invites people and they come, *shrug* why not?

harmonicbabe26 · September 2014

Just go for it then! You're not concerned about a bunch of total strangers on a Showers board judging you, are you? Who cares! If the people that care about you want to give you gifts, then who is to tell them they can't? Certainly not a bunch of random people online. It's not like you're demanding a shower or what not...
Go for it and have fun!

mandyreads · September 2014

I think I had ventured over to the 2nd Trimester board and that is where I saw it. I was just lurking around and thought I'd see what was going on over there. But like I said I thought baby showers being a no no for multiple pregnancies was an outdated way of thinking. Just wondering what everyone else thought. But yeah, if they want to give me something I will take it bc we have zip right now. lol Any little bit helps.

harmonicbabe26 · September 2014

Honestly I feel like people online etc get soooo caught up in 'etiquette rules' that they forget that people in Real Life are typically more generous and thoughtful than etiquette books prescribe... Seriously, if someone wants to spend their own hard earned money to give gifts to their friends, what does it matter what Emily Post or Miss Manners think??

jcdorsey74 · September 2014

My personal opinion is if they are willing to throw you one and people are excited about attending, no worries! 7 years is a long time. As for me, I don't think I need one since my LO just turned 2. However, what if I have a girl this time??? LOL. I think I can manage. :-)

Samuelismomma · September 2014

I was thinking of having a party and getting together with people. My son is 2 1/2 but never registered or had a shower with him. I say go for it you never planned it and its been years!

ksgsmu · September 2014

If they are offering then I wouldn't feel bad about accepting it... enjoy it!

that being said I don't attend showers for friends who are on #2,3,4 whatever.... unless there is some special circumstance. Like I had a friend with a 12 year old who adopted a newborn.. that was a special case. I recently got an invite for a shower for someone I barely knew for kid #3... um hell no!

amstevens78 · September 2014

I think it is perfectly fine to have a shower if someone is offering to give you one. I had one this time. One, because my first is now 12, and two, because I am having a girl this time. I have nothing of course since it had been 12 years and I am sure you don't either. I say don't worry about what others think about you and go for it.

mandyreads · September 2014

@amstevens78‌ I don't have anything. I have a pack n play and a couple onesies lol. I was gonna get a crib. But I think I will let her sleep in the pack n play for a while.

Samuelismomma · September 2014

I should say also I'm not asking for gifts. It's more of a celebration for lo..not shower, but it hasn't been yrs since I had lo!

mariajose07 · September 2014

I'm in the same position as you and totally know how you feel after reading that other board. It's been 10 year since our first one and we don't have anything. So yeah, we're having a baby shower. Even though a friend offered to help, she only offered her place. So now I'm basically doing everything.

amstevens78 · September 2014

I got my niece's crib, but everything else I needed or wanted I pretty much got at my shower. I hope you get all kinds of good stuff and I hope you have a blast at your shower!

junismum · September 2014

We are throwing a baby sprinkle shower for our colleague and friend who is on daughter number 2. We all would give her gifts anyway (maybe smaller things or consumables more than last time, but her other daughter is only just over a year old).

I think people want to give it to you to welcome the new addition and the gifts are (or should be) optional at all showers.

Maybe if you said yes, you'd love to join in celebrating the pending new addition, but you would like it stressed that gifts are not required - then those who have a problem with it will come for the food and celebration, and others will choose to give you gifts freely with no reluctance in their hears as its their decision.

Enjoy it, I think all babies should be celebrated ...and so should you. Congratulations!

JilliansMoma · September 2014

I think that if there is a a long time between your last and your first then it's a great idea. You are basically starting over.

When I have an issue with it is when the mom expects it. I had a friend who we had a very elaborate shower for, catered in my back yard with about 75 of her nearest and dearest. It was nice she had a huge gap between her second and third. But she unexpectedly found herself PG again about 18 months later. Another full blown shower. I didn't offer up my back yard for that one but her mom asked me to go thirds on the catering. I gave her the money but I did ask why we were doing another shower when she just had a baby and her mom looked at me like I was nuts "well this baby is a boy"! Whatever. It seemed "grabby" to me.

My sister-in-law always says every baby deserves to be showered! But if that's the case then do a little welcome to the world party or a diaper derby or a get together with no gifts allowed!

Just my .02!!

edited because I can't spell!!

leela02 · September 2014

If someone is offering and it's not gonna be some extravagant event then it doesn't really sound wrong. People who have a problem with you not being a FTM can just not attend.

2ndGeneration · September 2014

Nothing wrong with it IMO! They offered it, I think it's fine to accept. I agree with you about not wanting to register-I haven't either. Maybe tell pastor's wife that you don't want to do that, but if people wanted to do clothes or diapers, you'd apppreciate it. I know that, being in a church also, that we enjoy celebrating babies.

Some folks on the shower board get so.worked.up. over the shower things. I guess at this point in life I just don't really care much about what others do lol.

leela02 · September 2014

There's nothing wrong with registering. A registry is not a requirement, no one has to buy anything from it. Some people may prefer seeing a registry so that they're sure to get something you need/want. It depends on what you need, but there could be a lot of inexpensive things you can register for. Just don't include expensive items if you're uncomfortable about people spending more than a certain amount.

I don't think the shower board has problems with registries. They have issues when people complain about gifts that aren't from their registry, and when people register for inappropriate items like laptops lol.

mandyreads · September 2014

But I could definitely use a new laptop lol @leela02‌ you know...to post the baby's pics

leela02 · September 2014

@mandyreads I personally wouldn't be offended if I saw a laptop on someone's baby registry, or a vacuum cleaner, camera, or TV lol...I don't have to buy it so it's not worth getting worked up about!

vintagemom42 · November 2014

Well.... I'm between a rock and a hard place. I recently moved.... family and friends are away.... and its been 8 years since baby girl. I hardly know people. .. so I guess I'll use my registry as a guideline if someone asks. I'm definitely thinking about a meet the baby kinda thing.... so if daddy's friends and family want to give something. ... but I don't dare thinking about a shower due my circumstances. I miss my friends back home.

Samuelismomma · November 2014

Well I ended up same boat as you my church ladies and sister are having a shower! Obviously they know ds is 2 1/2 but they arecalling it a celebration of life since I had 3 losses after him.

mandyreads · November 2014

I told my church to just schedule it for after baby. That way I can see what I will need. I think mostly diapers by then. I have been getting a lot of hand me downs from my niece who has a 5mth old. So I am pretty set. Oh...and an author friend of mine sent me the most amazing gift. A McClaren stroller. I was in shock!!

niknak1208 · November 2014

I had a 2nd shower with my daughter who just turned 2. I had two of them actually. My mom did one for me and my step mom did one for me. I didn't ask them to but they did it on their own. I did have some negative responses from my dad's sisters. They all thought it was inappropriate to have a second shower. But the reason I did was because she was my first girl and my son was 4 and I didn't have any girl things at all. I had some things that I could use like high chairs and carseats and strollers.. but I didn't have clothes or girl toys or things like that. I did register only because it was easier for my family and friends to know what to get but I didn't register for anything big.

Since we thought we were done after our daughter.. I literally sold everything. I have her baby furniture.. she's still in her crib. I have my breast pump. A diaper bag. Some toys. strollers and stuff. But my carseat will expire before the baby is here. I sold our pack n play, our bouncer, swing, boppy pillow.. lol I have NONE of that stuff. On top of that, both of my babies were winter babies and I'm due in June so I have no clothes either. I gave away ALL of my sons baby stuff except for my favorite outfits. I sold a ton of my daughters clothes too except for my favorite things. I do have her newborn clothes left but she was born October 30th so it's all wintery stuff.

I say go for it. Anyone who loves and cares for you.. is not going to be offended by it. All my dad's sisters who complained.. they all still came and brought gifts and smiled through it. lol It was fine.

KirstenAlecia · November 2014

I wonder about the people who say "bad etiquette" to showers after the first LO would say to my situation.

It going to be over 18 years between DD and this LO.

Oh and try telling my MIL....its her first grandchild. One of the first things her and grandma did was get excited about the idea of planning a baby shower. To which I said....."whoa......slow down, we have a while!" I love them....im not going to tell them they can't plan a shower when they are clearly VERY excited.

ABeautifulMind · November 2014

If someone is offering to throw a shower, I say go with it. They are doing so out of the kindness of their heart. If people don't want to attend they don't have to. Just my two cents.

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