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January 2015 Moms
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VENTING!

babyzap20babyzap20 member
in January 2015 Moms
Ok so I normally don't post threads on here. Usually troll the comments, but I felt like this would be the perfect place to air some frustrations.

Just to give you some background, I have a cousin who I grew up with (like sisters) and she has girl-2 1/2 yrs old and boy- 3 mo old. She breastfeeds both and is super holistic. She is also a housemom/wife. 

Anywho, I finished my baby registry on Friday and she asked to look at. OMG what a mistake. She immediately started telling me to take things off my list such as my Chicco carrier (it's apparently uncomfortable and she can get a better, cheaper one)

I also had some J&J baby shampoo/lotion on the list but that has formaldehyde. She says go organic. My wallet begs to differ. 

The Baby Trend Pack and Play...you would think I am trying to kill my child. Apparently that brand is known for recalls...

She even added me to some child car seat group to FB...jaysus.

She also mails me (without telling me) things like a baby timer (the fuck?), books on alternative parenting, and baby yoga DVDs...nahhhh thanks.

As you can imagine, as a FTM I am getting annoyed/upset with her. First of all, thanks for the advice but I didn't ask for it. She has always been bossy and a know it all. Being a mother has only exacerbated this side of her personality. We have 2 totally different perspectives on raising children and I am not sure how to tell her to back off. (She believes in co-sleeping, breastfeeding until the child is done, holding/carrying the child and never putting it down...etc) I'm not saying these things are wrong I just don't think they are for me. I could go on here but you probably get the picture. Any advice on how to tell her thanks but no thanks?
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Re: VENTING!

  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    edited September 2014
    I would tell her " Thanks, we will consider it"" and then drop it.


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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    edited September 2014
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    edited September 2014
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    edited September 2014
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  • honeybeee3honeybeee3 member
    edited September 2014
    I understand why you're frustrated that would bother me too. She probably thinks she is being helpful and doesn't realize that she may be overstepping a bit. I would suggest you tell her thanks for her input and be done with it.

    Ps J&J soap really does have formaldehyde in it. I buy Aveno baby soap, it costs about $6 for a big bottle that lasts forever and it doesn't have any harmful ingredients
    ETA: my son's pediatrician was the one who told me not to use J&J

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  • britb618britb618 member

    fwiw- aveeno is J&J. I use whatever I have, we recieved a bunch of J&J last year at my daughters shower, at the time someone on the bump had just mentinoed all the cancer causing ingrediants and I started to go crazy...then I calmed down and realized the miniscule amount and that I can't control everything that my daughter comes in contact with...so I've slowly made me way through most bath items..I use the aveno and I LOVE baby magic lavender smell! I haven't used J&J yet, I regifted most of it because I prefer the lavender smelling stuff :)

    as to op-I'm sorry I would be totally annoyed. Best way to deal is just say thanks and then let it go out the other ear.

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  • babyzap20babyzap20 member
    pleirey said:
    The only nice way I can think to say it would be something along the lines of "I know you are a great and loving mother and I appreciate your advice, but I can tell our parenting styles are going to be very different.  I will definitely take the advice but I don't want to hurt your feelings if I don't do things exactly the way you do."  That's kind of the way I had to break it to a close friend of mine who had a son three months before I had DS.
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  • Mrs_BennettMrs_Bennett member
    Like the PP said, she probably really is trying to be helpful. And, maybe she's a little braggy just because she's done this before and wants to tell you what (she believes) is the best way to raise a child.
    I would just gently tell her something like, "I really appreciate all the advice/articles you've given me, but I am getting a little overwhelmed. I know you've educated yourself as a mother, and I am doing the same. While our choices will inevitably vary, I'd appreciate if you'd let me make my own decisions. And, I'm sure I'll definitely be asking for your advice once in a while because you really are a great mom!"
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  • jennyhattjennyhatt member
    Maybe also add that you want to figure things out for yourself too. This is the fun part if parenting- figuring out what works and doesn't work for you and your fam- because as we all well know, what works for some, doesn't work for all. There is also no right way to do things.
    Maybe to go a lighter on her say, "but if I do have questions you will definitely be the first I ask!"

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  • honeybeee3honeybeee3 member
    edited September 2014
    @britb618‌ OMG you're right! Aveno is J&J. I really had no idea! Anyways I use it because it was what the pediatrician told us to use and I trust her.
    Edit:typo

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  • Pips09Pips09 member
    Next time she gives unsolicited advice, I'd tell her "Thanks, but we're happy with the decision we've made/our choice". Rinse, repeat. 
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  • CbeanzCbeanz member
    Good news, folks:


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  • babyzap20babyzap20 member
    @cbeanz thank you. I will promptly forward that article to her lol. 
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  • artistewonderartistewonder member
    i have a know it all friend too...told me "dont be an idiot you must get an epidural...."My favorite line is "I'll look into it"
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  • ShuShubeeShuShubee member
    Yea J&J removed formaldehyde from their products.
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  • StargirlbStargirlb member
    If your wallet is the reason you are buying JJ, you should know that babies don't even need soap. Wash cloth and some coconut oil is fine. Can get a big tub of coconut oil at Costco and it will seriously replace almost all your baby products. (Use it for bum rash, lotion, baths, cradle cap, etc etc etc)

    Oh, this wasn't the point of your vent, was it? ;P
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  • rodiesmumrodiesmum member
    If it is not possible to avoid her then just say thank you after she gives you the advice then change the topic. I hope she has more in her arsenal than parenting

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  • babyzap20babyzap20 member
    Well, I don't have to worry about her anymore. She said "You're probably going to mutilate his penis too!" After I told her we have different perspectives on parenting. I have cut ties. No one is going to talk to me like that. No loss there. 
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  • robsbabygirl08robsbabygirl08 member
    Stargirlb said:
    If your wallet is the reason you are buying JJ, you should know that babies don't even need soap. Wash cloth and some coconut oil is fine. Can get a big tub of coconut oil at Costco and it will seriously replace almost all your baby products. (Use it for bum rash, lotion, baths, cradle cap, etc etc etc) Oh, this wasn't the point of your vent, was it? ;P
    THIS!  I can't even remember how old DD was when I started using soap on her, but I scrubbed her like a crazy woman;)  She is almost 4 and I still don't put lotion on her. 
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