Mothers! As in your mother or MIL

jennnyboomboom · September 2014

Are any of your mother's already driving you nuts?

Love her to death, but my mom is driving me bananas. My parents recently moved about an hour and a half away from us, so that might contribute to it. She's already asked to go to my first u/s and I can already see it coming how involved she wants to be. It's great, and I love her for it. But I'm also a very independent person so who is just fine doing things on my own and almost prefer it. DH will be at clinical's for school that day, so he can't make it, so it'll be nice to have my mom but I'm already anticipating how the next 7 1/2 months are going to go.

welly01 · September 2014

Start drawing a line in the sand now!!!

beebe918 · September 2014

I told my mom Sunday evening and she called me at 9AM Monday morning, when I saw her number on the caller ID I was like oh jeez, so this is how it's going to be? But it turned out to be something not baby related lol.

sabriel1 · September 2014

Yes draw the line now! First they invite themselves to your ultrasound and next thing you know they are guilt-tripping you about being in the delivery room (not that they shouldn't be but it should be completely up to you - not anyone else who is in there).

And I promise it doesn't stop there so set boundaries now.

maybebride · September 2014

My mother starts to get overbearing, but she's quick to stop. She never asked to go to any appointments with DS, but she has joked about coming with me this time to help with DS (it would be easy for her to meet me because she works close to my OB's office). She was a little disappointed that she would not be in the delivery room, but respected my wishes. I thought she'd call me more than she did and I actually found myself calling her more. She's been great, though. Sometimes she drives DH crazy, but she also took off every Friday for my first 8 weeks back at work to keep DS and then worked half days to watch him until I transitioned to full-time working from home when he was 15 months. She was a lifesaver and she enjoyed every minute.

MIL. Well, she didn't come to my shower, nor did she call to tell us she wasn't coming (simply made SIL the messenger) or send a gift - or ever give a gift (not a gift grabber AT ALL; we had plenty; point is my son has never received a gift from his grandmother). She did not come to see us in the hospital, but decided to come to my house 30 minutes after we got home from the hospital. DS is almost 22 months and she has seen him about six times - and we live in the same city. Did not come to his first bday party, again without calling or sending a gift and after SWEARING to DH she would come. This time, she hasn't even called to say anything to me about this baby (DH called her on his own and told her on her bday). So, yeah.

beachhippiemama · September 2014

We drew the line by moving halfway across the country. Both sides were incredibly overbearing and we like to be left alone for the most part.

amylee545 · September 2014

This is the main reason why we haven't told our parents yet. My mother and especially my MIL would be awful and would just annoy the shit out of me. So we're soaking up the silence for a little while longer before it's time to tell them.

jennnyboomboom · September 2014

My MIL is a piece of cake. Very laid back and doesn't want to intrude. She's fantastic. Also, she already has 2 grandchildren so I think that may ease things.

My mom, on the other hand, this is her first grandchild and I completely understand her excitement, but I'm more the realist, and understand things might not always go as planned. I almost wish I never told her we were going through IVF and trying so that we could have kept this a secret until after the 1st trimester but I know she would have been devastated if I kept it from her.

@GFJ48 I hear that!! I'm the only child of a single mother (she later married my step-dad, but was a single mother until I was 12). Being an only child I'm super independent and she's the opposite. So while I love doing things on my own, she wants to be a part of everything.

Note to self: Things NOT to do to my future children, hah

DawnLilly · September 2014

DH and I just found out this morning. We will probably tell grandparents around 10 weeks and everyone else at 12 or later. Just a personal preference.

Unknown · September 2014

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brielise414 · September 2014

My mom already has 2 grandchildren and my brothers both really drew the line so she kind of knows what will be expected. She's involved but not too much so.

In laws on the other hand... This will be their first and they are already starting to share a wealth of outdated information with DH. And are super critical that I haven't been to the dr yet even though no one will take me til at least 8 weeks. DH is really bad at drawing a line. They live pretty far away and I'm dreading when I have to have the chat with him that they will not be staying in our house right after the baby is born. We'll see I guess!

oregonhill · September 2014

I'm trying not to anticipate a problem with mine before it arises, but it's really only a matter of time until we butt heads. It's our way. She's great. We're just too alike for our own good.

I'm the luckiest duck when it comes to MIL. She's the least judgmental woman on Planet Earth, plus she had three boys and has taught K-2 for about 30 years. She's a wealth of info, but only gives advice when I ask.

Pink724 · September 2014

oregonhill said:

I'm trying not to anticipate a problem with mine before it arises, but it's really only a matter of time until we butt heads. It's our way. She's great. We're just too alike for our own good.

I'm the luckiest duck when it comes to MIL. She's the least judgmental woman on Planet Earth, plus she had three boys and has taught K-2 for about 30 years. She's a wealth of info, but only gives advice when I ask.

This sounds so much like my situation it's crazy

Both the mom and the MIL part. Just add one girl to the three boys my MIL has and the fact that she is now retired from teaching!

LonelyTree · September 2014

My mother is amazing and completely respects our personal space and time.

When I had my DD in Dec '11 my MIL and FIL came down and stayed with us for the 2 wks prior to my DD b/c they did not want to miss it. It would not have been as bad if they helped out but they don't. My MIL sits on her Ipad the entire time and my FIL complains daily on when do they get to go home.

Fast forward a year and my SIL is due in DEC'12 (MIL's daughter). She goes down to visit her prior to delivery and stays in a hotel the entire time because she does not want to disturb their last few days alone together. WTF!!

:-/

This time they are on a European vacation the month of May!

shirleymaeby · September 2014

We haven't told any of the grandparents yet...we want to wait until we at least see a heartbeat. My parents already have 22 grandchildren and my in-laws have 2 as well so luckily no one is going to be over the top. Besides, DH and I live in California and they all live in Louisiana so we really won't have to deal with the shenanigans too much.

My mom has mentioned in the past that she would be here to help me in the delivery room and I told her thanks but no. I have no time drawing a very solid line with her. My parents are both retired so the hard part is going to be them thinking they can road trip it out here and then stay for a month. MIL is going to be a different story...DH has a real hard time trying not to step on her toes. He'd better sack up though because I am not going to have her in my business for the next 9 months.

CoPilot2012 · September 2014

My mom is amazing
My MIL is a pain in the ass

I send mil little snippets that the Ovia app gives me, like the liver is starting it's characteristics, or while baby doesn't have eyes the facial buds are beginning to form. That seems to keep her off my back a little. But she's so forceful wanting us to tell everyone were pregnant and every time she brings it up I simply say "thank you, DH and I have decided we are waiting, we will let you know when we plan to announce". I've said it over and over, like I've only known for a little over a week and I've already said it multiple times.

I'm a bit of an ass I suppose. I treat my MIL like a 5 yr old with the moto "consistency consistency consistency". If I never change my answer, maybe eventually she'll understand I'm not going to change my answer. Atleast I know she's a good person at heart.

mpiemont · September 2014

If you're talking pregnancy related, I haven't even told my mom yet. She is very opinionated and doesn't think we should have even been trying for #3 yet (which she has made clear several times). I don't really want to share at this point knowing her response would be forced enthusiasm.

SassyPants150 · September 2014

This topic is going to bring LOADS of fun and entertainment over the next few YEARS...mark my words!

My mom is very relaxed but this is grandchild number 7 for her. She already knows since I called her yesterday. She is super excited as they are also moving near here at some point next year Spring/Summer. It's perfect timing for her! She said she wouldn't be in the delivery room this time since she has seen each daughter give birth once. I'm not sure if I would have made it through labor without her. DH was like a knot on a log during labor and delivery and my mom really showed him the ropes!

MIL (and FIL moreso actually) can be so flucking overwhelming. FIL has the "I do whatever I want attitude" and I'm surprised he didn't want to be in the delivery room when DD was born. FIL also can't keep his mouth shut, so I left it up to DH whether he tells them or not already. We were going to wait until after the first U/S. We'll see what DH decides to do. My annoyance level has never been so high in my life from the time I was pregnant with DD to even now. I guess I can see their loads of enthusiasm...at this point these might be the only 2 grandchildren they have if SIL doesn't get her act together.

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