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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Just need a friend
Hi all. ?I have been traveling around these boards - TTC after 35, then pregnant after 35 and now I am here. ?I miscarried on December 27 while I was visiting my family for a week after Christmas. ?I couldn't believe how sad I was about it - I was right at the 6 week mark.
Now I am here because I need some friends. ?My sister in law is pregnant and was only a couple of weeks ahead of me. ?Honestly, I am tucking myself away. ?I don't want to see her or really anyone else right now. ?I really am having a difficult time with it all which I knew you would all understand. ?That's why I am here.
I also could use some encouragement. ?I haven't seen my doctor yet. ?My mother in law is an ob nurse and walked me through the miscarriage as it was happening. ?She said I can wait until I get home from my trip to call my doc unless the blood is extremely heavy or the cramping unbearable. ?I do think I passed on my own and I am now on the tail end of the process.
The encouragement I need - as I am sure you all need as well - is that I can try again and have a healthy pregnancy. ?I need to hear stories from anyone who has had a miscarriage and then went on to have healthy pregnancies and babies. ?Before my m/c happened, I thought I wanted a baby. ?Now I KNOW I do. ?But I am afraid.
Anyway, I know no one can predict the future but a little encouragement goes a long way. ?I'm not sure when my doc appointment will be or when I will be able to try again, but I do want to try as soon as possible. ?I am 36 - about to be 37 Jan 7 (gulp).
Any words of wisdom, encouragement or advice would be MUCH appreciated. ?I really just need someone to talk to who understands.
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This discussion has been closed.
Re: Just need a friend
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know my prayers are with you.
Also, the one thing I promised myself was not to let my age get to me. I turned 34 a few weeks after losing Patrick and though it is easier said than done, I cried all day on my b-day but then the next day I picked myself up and reminded myself that 40 is the new 30 and that with modern medicine and technology there are so many women starting their families in their 40's.
Right now I don't have a personal success story for you but I'm trying to be positive and hopefully we will be on 1st tri together.
::Hugs::
I am so sorry sweety! Its so hard to go through all this! I don't have a personal success story either. However; my best friend is due on Jan 8th (wow REALLY soon!) and she has a healthy son 13 yrs old, and had 2 m/c one right after her son was born and one about 5 years ago. She is over 35 and has been high risk the entire pregnancy including gestative diabetes coming into play the 2nd tri. Her baby is healthy and kicking (quite literally) and ready to come into this world at any time. So there is hope for all of us!
I would check out the TTCAL board. There are alot of girls on there who are in all different stages of pregnancy all of whom had losses at some point previously.
I will definiteliy keep you guys in my prayers. Try to keep your chin up-it will get better!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I was devastated when I lost my 1st at 6 weeks. But, we tried again, and due to lack of appropriate medical care (my OB was an idiot, but I didn't follow my gut, which I should have) I lost my twins due to incompetent cervix. This time, I am confident that because my new doctor and peri know what to look for, I will have a successful pregnancy. My mom had her first child at 32 and her last at 41, all healthy. (She had a m/c at 12 weeks when she was 28). So nowadays, being 37 and pregnant doesn't really matter. In other countries, not starting to have babies until you are 40 is the norm.
My advice to you is to talk about the loss. You would be surprised at how many women have experienced a loss. And cry. Crying helped me release so much sadness, anger, frustration. Also, take care of yourself. If you don;t want to be somewhere because there are babies there, don't go. The hardest thing to deal with was being "surprised" about a newly pregnant woman or new baby being somewhere I was going (where I knew the people) and not being prepared. I have had to walk out of many an event because of this.
First of all I am very sorry for your loss....((((Hug))))))
Absolutely right! I live in Spain (I am an American and my husband is Spanish). Spainiards appear not start their families here until they are nearer the 40 mark. So age especially yours is nothing to worry about!
This is an amazing board with amazing ladies who helped me out through my darkest time. We are all here for each other!
At this point cry when you want to, vent, and let it all out. Know that you will have a ton of friends here who will listen, give advice and console.
I am positive 2009 will be a great year for us all and we will soon be on the 1st trimester boards together!!
Hun, I am so sorry for your loss.
Here are stories of women who mc but had succes: tonight we have friends coming over. They lost a baby around 6 weeks and now they have an 8 month old son. One of my aunt had 2 mcs and she has 3 kids, one had a stillborn and she has 3 girls, and another aunt had one mc and has one kid. (I have an enormous family)
My mom's bf lost her first baby in the 3rd tri and now has 2 girls.
I am clinging to these stories, to the possibility that after 3mcs I could still have a healthy baby.
Hugs and prayers.
You have lots of friends here, 24 hours a day. We are just a post away!
I am 37, so I feel your anxiety about starting a family. I don't have a success story yet, but I did want to share something with you. I am like you - I would rather tuck myself away to heal than be out in the real world talking to people. In fact, I cringe when the phone rings now! For my 1st m/c I did not talk to anyone about it - I hadn't even told people about the pregnancy. For my 2nd m/c, we had told a few people once we passed the 1st trimester mark, so I was forced to talk to them about the m/c too. I've really hated it, but I have to say that women are coming out of the woodwork to share their stories of m/c and later success. I found out one of my neighbors had 3 m/c in a row before her current pregnancy, and she is now close to delivering. I even talked to a woman who had 6 m/c (God forbid) but she now has 3 healthy children. So there are success stories out there, but you usually won't hear about them!
You can start trying again as soon as you feel ready for it. There are many stories on the internet about women who got pregnant again without even having a period.
Here's hoping that 2009 will be a fruitful year for us old ladies!! :0
I'm sorry for your loss. My husband's cousin just had her first - and she is 45! You are right - 40 is the new 30!