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A year ago- a vent

lexusolsenlexusolsen member
in Late Term and Child Loss
Was the first day of my last menstral cycle, the day that determined his due date. So many things have gone right in the last year- I have a great and fulfilling job, a wonderful support network, a fantastic husband, a healthy daughter... Sometimes I struggle to remember all of that because what I want the most I can't have. I want my son, dammit. I want to say "you two are so crazy" and not mean my dd and our dog.

Thanks for letting me vent
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Re: A year ago- a vent

  • OSUWifey09OSUWifey09 member
    ***SIGGY***



    I remember thinking that when I hit the milestones during that first year. Sometimes, it's hard to remember all the great things when you've got this huge hole in your life where your sweet baby should be. I'm so sorry. **hugs**







    ________________________________________________________________________________


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  • princezjkprincezjk member
    ~~~Sig Warning~~~



    Just wanted to jump in with some more (((((hugs))))). I remember reading once that the phrase "at least" should never be spoken to a loss mama. No matter how many wonderful things you have in your life, there will always be an important part missing. You should never feel bad for being sad/mad about that. (((((Hugs)))))
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  • stefugestefuge member
    ((Hugs)) So many milestones in the first year. There are good memories in there too, but they can be really hard to find (I'm still working on that myself).
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    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
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  • Mel&John2013Mel&John2013 member
    *********siggy warning



    It's hard to appreciate things when there is a huge hole. You're doing the best you can. Sending hugs!
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  • CheesyPeasCheesyPeas member
    ((hugs))  I too struggle with seeing all of the good in my life when all I can think about is the thing I want more than anything but can't have.
    November 2010 - 10.5 week loss  o:) 
    October 2011 - DS (7)  <3 
    July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)  o:) 
    August 2015 - DD (3)  <3 
    April 2018 - 5 week loss o:) 

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  • ikrystalikrystal member
    **ticker warning**

    princezjk said about not saying "at least" to a baby loss mom.  Be kind to yourself, you have gone through so much.  Vent as much as you need. 
    Fish Bite Moonbeams:Blog on infant loss and infertility


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  • luckyclover0922luckyclover0922 member
    ((Hugs)) to you...

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  • lexusolsenlexusolsen member
    Gastro said:

    ****siggy****

    Hey @lexusolsen . <<<hugs>>>
    I'm so sorry. I think of you often. You have incredible strength and a giving heart. It's so hard to make sense of why.
    This week has been hard for me - everyone seems to be pregnant (on our other board, a bunch of my friends....). Today a friend announced on IG she was pregnant and I felt so angry and annoyed - it shocked me I felt that way, because until today I've genuinely been happy for all the announcements.
    Hope all is well today.

    Thanks for thinking of me.

    @Gastro‌ It does seem like everyone over there is pregnant! The accidental pregnancies are hardest for me. We waited longer than we wanted so we could be financially prepared, timed it carefully to avoid unpaid maternity leave, and here I am without a baby to hold still. I hate driving my minivan empty or just with dd. Seems like such a waste.

    My fb and IG are so boring now. I've hidden almost anyone who had a baby around when we had Ben or when he was due! Not much left.

    Some days the announcements and pictures are no biggie, but others they are crushing. I'm thinking of you!

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  • msunshine123msunshine123 member
    Big hugs to you! "what I want most I can't have" matches my thoughts too. Nothing can ever replace your precious son.
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