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October 2014 Moms
aminalex
member
The Politics of Baby-Naming
aminalex
member
Hey ladies,
Sorry for another Baby-Naming post, but I wanted to get your thoughts on the politics of baby-naming, specifically naming your child after a loved-one. Are you doing it? For a special person, special reason, religious reason? Are you avoiding it all together?
A little background, I'm Italian and the hubs is Jewish. The tradition in my family is the first-born is named after the mother's maternal grandmother (my mom's mom). The tradition in his family is that a child is named after someone who has passed (or is an elder). In the Jewish tradition, it also doesn't have to be the exact name but start with the first letter of that person's name. After some discussion early on, we agreed that we wouldn't name the kid after anyone in either side of the family as to avoid anyone feeling slighted (specifically, we know that his mom and my mom would never let it die if they found out we named our child after one side and not the other. neither would ever admit it, but yes, they can be that petty). I thought it was helping narrow down names (No J names, No H names, etc...). Now he's going back to the traditional view (described above). I'm just weighing everything to see if it's really worth it to put up a fight, in the long run.
Sorry for another Baby-Naming post, but I wanted to get your thoughts on the politics of baby-naming, specifically naming your child after a loved-one. Are you doing it? For a special person, special reason, religious reason? Are you avoiding it all together?
A little background, I'm Italian and the hubs is Jewish. The tradition in my family is the first-born is named after the mother's maternal grandmother (my mom's mom). The tradition in his family is that a child is named after someone who has passed (or is an elder). In the Jewish tradition, it also doesn't have to be the exact name but start with the first letter of that person's name. After some discussion early on, we agreed that we wouldn't name the kid after anyone in either side of the family as to avoid anyone feeling slighted (specifically, we know that his mom and my mom would never let it die if they found out we named our child after one side and not the other. neither would ever admit it, but yes, they can be that petty). I thought it was helping narrow down names (No J names, No H names, etc...). Now he's going back to the traditional view (described above). I'm just weighing everything to see if it's really worth it to put up a fight, in the long run.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The Politics of Baby-Naming
Do you LIKE the names your husband is thinking about (the family names)? I think the traditions of forcing names through generations is a little unfair. Especially when you guys have it coming from both sides. Pick a name you both like regardless of if its a family name or not. My mom and mother in law have both expressed a strong dislike for the name we've chosen. We pretty much told them tough cookies.
We are having the middle name after my Mother's deceased father. I'm also Jewish, and traditionally you won't name a child after someone who is currently alive (bad luck, etc.) but we're not doing it because of any specific tradition. More so for personal reasons, and hubby is happy with it
It's a BOY! Est. Due Date - October 17th
With our second son, we picked Charles/Charlie just because we liked the name... then found out DH and I both have great grandfathers named Charles, so that worked. His middle name is after my brother that died.
For this girl we decided on Violet for a fn which has no family connection. Her mn is Ann which is my mom and grandma's middle names. It was actually DH that suggested using my mom's middle, which makes me really happy. My mom is a huge part of my kids' lives and DH and I think it's a special way to honor her. Honestly, DH's mom doesn't really put in much effort so I don't feel bad using one over the other.
DS2 8/21/12
DD 9/26/14
Baby #4 edd 2/11/19
I think that it is a great if you can find a way to equitably use both family traditions and hopefully both mom/grandmas will respect how you decided to choose the name for YOUR child. If you plan on having more than one child, you could use one family tradition with the first and the other with the second. At the end of the day- it is a decision between you and your husband, not either family.
I think your original decision not to honor either tradition is the right one. Hubs and I are two different races and come from two different cultures and for the most part, we have chosen not to incorporate either culture into big decisions that we make. Our wedding didn't honor either culture, our kids will speak only English and maybe Spanish (which is not part of either of our cultures) because it's a useful language. This approach has just worked for us and it helps that neither of us are pretty big into our culture anyway.
I am all about fairness and in my mind you either ignore both traditions or if you are planning on having multiple kids, use one tradition with the first kid and the other tradition with the second kid.
Married 10/06
Baby Girl "C" arrived on 10/07/14 (39 weeks, 6 days)
DD's middle name is my maternal grandmother's name. She was my only grandparent ever, and we were very close. It was my idea, but DH was completely on board and even asked if I would prefer to make that her first name instead of middle. I think this baby will have a family name as a middle name as well, and it'll either be DH's name (also his dad's name and pretty common through his family history, I think) or it'll be from my side (my maiden name, my brother's name, or one of the Swedish names of my great grandfathers). The reason is that those are the family names we like. Neither DH or I really care for most of the other family names on his side (at least the ones I know). But we don't have the cultural traditions that you do, so I guess it's easier for our families to stay out of the name discussions.
Good luck!
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A couple thoughts if you are willing to compromise with your DH on this issue - you could use one family's tradition for the first name and one for the middle. Or, (and I don't know if you are having a girl or a boy) you could do two first names (think something like Mary Ann) which could potentially incorporate both family traditions.
It seems like someone on one side of the family is always upset over the name no matter what!!
If we have a daughter someday, she will likely have DH's mother's maiden name as a middle name. It's feminine and pretty and we will be happy to keep the name running.
I am a huge fan of honoring family members by using their names, but I also like the name search and coming up with something unique. That's why it's great that babies have middle names.
IMO, if it's important to DH and doesn't bother you, I would keep some traditional names in the running.
We went with Ann as a short middle name since Charlotte is so long. My great grandmother and grandmother at Charlotte Mae's.... My grandmother hated the middle name, so we had no problem switching it up. Anna is my other grandmother's name too, so in a way it is fitting to have a little of both of them in our LO.