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Friend/coworker baby shower-To go or not to go?

MARISAV77MARISAV77 member
in TTC after 35
So 2 friends from work are throwing a baby shower for another friend we work with this Saturday. The group of friends who will be at this shower all know about my struggles with infertility and for the most part have been supportive. There are a few who have been insensitive (I don't think on purpose, I think they just don't realize how their comments like that can hurt) and keep asking "are you pregnant yet?" A part of me wants to go because the friend who is pregnant is a genuine nice gal and even gave me her big stash of pregnancy tests after she found out she was pregnant, because we all know how expensive PG tests can be. But the other part of me doesn't want to go, because I know I will feel awkward, sadness, and I always feel like people (especially those who know about my IF) are looking at me, feeling sad for me whenever I am around a pregnant person or if the group is talking about pregnancy. I have been away from work for the last week and don't go back for another 10 days. I guess I could say I "forgot" about it since I haven't been at work to see her baby shower invite that's been plastered everywhere at work, and just give her gift to her when I return to work. Does anyone else have any good excuses to use if I decide not to go?
Me: 37 DH: 37, married since Sept. 2013. "actively" TTC for a total of 13 months (after 7 months of TTC, took a 1 1/2 year hiatus due to work scheduling and wedding planning. Started up again after our wedding in Sept.) First evaluation by an RE November 2013

HSG-normal
OH-tiny polyp found, but RE assured me she doesn't think it's contributing to infertility and doesn't recommend me to remove it because it's so small.
DH's SA-normal
Hormones all within normal levels
Ovarian Reserve-RE says "is great" she's not concerned about my egg quantity (which I was until I saw her and results came back good!) 

04/2012 50mg Clomid=BFN (prescribed by OBGYN, not monitored)
06/2012 50mg Clomid=BFN (prescribed by OBGYN, not monitored)
11/2013 100mg Clomid, with HCG trigger=BFN (prescribed by RE, monitored with US (2 dominant follicles) and baseline bloodwork done)
01/2014 100mg Clomid, with HCG trigger-(prescribed by RE, monitored with US-1 dominant follicle)=BFN
06/2014 7.5mg Letrozole, HCG trigger (prescribed by RE, monitored with US-2 dominant follicles), IUI #1 on 7/3/14=BFN
07/2014 7.5mg Letrozole, benched for IUI#2 this cycle, because I ovulated on my own before my follicular US. Progesterone suppositories=BFN Diagnosed with PCOS this month too. Testosterone levels high at 76. =( 
08/2014 7.5mg Letrozole, HCG trigger with 19mm follicle. IUI#2 on 8/31 cancelled last minute due to family emergency. 
09/2014 Taking a 3 month break starting this month. If not pregnant in 3 months, will start up again with medicated cycles and IUIs. Had all my labs and AFC re-evaluated this month also. RE says nothing much has changed since my eval last November, okay for me to take a little break. =) 




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Re: Friend/coworker baby shower-To go or not to go?

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  • MARISAV77MARISAV77 member
    Thanks for the hug @hooligans4‌!
    Me: 37 DH: 37, married since Sept. 2013. "actively" TTC for a total of 13 months (after 7 months of TTC, took a 1 1/2 year hiatus due to work scheduling and wedding planning. Started up again after our wedding in Sept.) First evaluation by an RE November 2013

    HSG-normal
    OH-tiny polyp found, but RE assured me she doesn't think it's contributing to infertility and doesn't recommend me to remove it because it's so small.
    DH's SA-normal
    Hormones all within normal levels
    Ovarian Reserve-RE says "is great" she's not concerned about my egg quantity (which I was until I saw her and results came back good!) 

    04/2012 50mg Clomid=BFN (prescribed by OBGYN, not monitored)
    06/2012 50mg Clomid=BFN (prescribed by OBGYN, not monitored)
    11/2013 100mg Clomid, with HCG trigger=BFN (prescribed by RE, monitored with US (2 dominant follicles) and baseline bloodwork done)
    01/2014 100mg Clomid, with HCG trigger-(prescribed by RE, monitored with US-1 dominant follicle)=BFN
    06/2014 7.5mg Letrozole, HCG trigger (prescribed by RE, monitored with US-2 dominant follicles), IUI #1 on 7/3/14=BFN
    07/2014 7.5mg Letrozole, benched for IUI#2 this cycle, because I ovulated on my own before my follicular US. Progesterone suppositories=BFN Diagnosed with PCOS this month too. Testosterone levels high at 76. =( 
    08/2014 7.5mg Letrozole, HCG trigger with 19mm follicle. IUI#2 on 8/31 cancelled last minute due to family emergency. 
    09/2014 Taking a 3 month break starting this month. If not pregnant in 3 months, will start up again with medicated cycles and IUIs. Had all my labs and AFC re-evaluated this month also. RE says nothing much has changed since my eval last November, okay for me to take a little break. =) 




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  • TAT2MAMITAT2MAMI member

    I have a baby shower invite for this Saturday for a friend/co-worker. I consider her a good friend and am genuinely happy for her so I will be going. She has a 10yo son and is now having a little girl in October. She knows of my struggles and has been very supportive and positive. How can I not go and show her some love? ;)

    Me: 38 ~  DH: 38 ~   DD: 8
    TTC #2 since March/April 2014.
     
     
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  • kelley72kelley72 member
    Yes what @hooligans4 said.  If you aren't up to it, don't go.  A negative RSVP is all that is needed, no reason.  You can always bring gift/card to your coworker friend and state you were unable to attend the shower and are happy for her.  You simply owe no further explanation.
    Best wishes for you and a hug!
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  • tlc35tlc35 member
    This is really a hard situation and I would follow your heart.  If you know that you can't handle it, don't go.  Just politely decline and give her a gift at work.  Sending hugs since IF and loss just suck.  I hate that normal, happy events like this make us stressed and sad.
    Me: 37                                               
    DH: 45
    BFP #1 3/19/14  EDD 11/29/14 MMC D&C 4/24/14
    BFP #2  12/4/14 Beta #1 218 at 12dpo Beta #2 1055 at 16dpo
    Saw heartbeat 12/29.  Please be a rainbow.
    imagerainbows
              
    All welcome                                   
                              
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  • Davie813Davie813 member
    I agree with PPs.  If you give her a nice card and gift with your regrets, I'm sure she'll understand.  Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself!

    Am I alone in thinking that, even without the extra baggage from IF/TTC, baby showers are the absolute worst? >:P
    *****Signature/Ticker Warning******

    Me: 41, DH: 45
    DD, 6/15/2013
    TTC #2 beginning January 2014
    AMH 1.05; FSH range 7-11

    July 2014: IUI #1.  Follistim + Pregnyl.  2 follicles--BFN
    September 2014: IUI #2.  Follistim + Pregnyl + Ganirelix + Crinone.  4(?) follicles--BFN
    October 2014: IUI #3.  More Follistim + More Ganirelix + Pregnyl + Crinone.  4 follicles--BFP!  Beta #1=10 Beta #2=33 Beta #3=97 Beta #4=158.  M/C 11/1/14
    December 2014: IVF #1.  Microdose Lupron protocol.  9R, 9M, 9F.  3 5-day blasts transferred 12/15. BFFN.
    April 2015: IVF #2.  Microdose Lupron protocol.  16R, 15M, 12F. Transferred 2 5-day blasts 4/12 and froze 4--BFP!  M/C 5/25/15
    August 2015: IVF #3.  14R, 13M, 11F.  Froze 5 blasts for CCS testing.  3 normals.  FET planned for 10/2015.



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