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March 2015 Moms
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How have you respectfully declined a baby shower?

mamajack86mamajack86 member
in March 2015 Moms
STM my son will be 20 months when the baby is born. My SIL is very insistent that they are throwing me a baby shower. I nicely said "we were not planning on having another shower, I see it as a FTM thing". She was appalled to say the least and it makes me feel like my inlaws think I'm a bitch for declining, but really even if it's a girl, we don't need nor want a shower. So she mentioned it again, and I really don't know what else to tell her. My sister tried pulling the same thing saying "I can't wait to plan a shower", but she's my sister and it was easy to say no lol. So my sister is insistent that I at least let her plan a reveal party for our immediate family members. I get that my family is just really excited and what better reason to celebrate, but man oh man declining makes me feel rude. Anyone in or have been in a similar situation? I'm really worried my SIL will try to pull a whole surprise shower on me and that will just be awkward.

#1 BFP 11/6/12 EDD 07/19/13 Delivered 07/23/13 - Baby boy Everett John

#2 BFP 07/06/14 EDD 03/12/15




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Re: How have you respectfully declined a baby shower?

  • gina2433gina2433 member
    Since you have told her no already let your husband do it. It's his family so maybe coming from him will be better received? Sorry they put you in this position.
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  • igl08igl08 member
    I'm in a somewhat similar situation and I have no idea how to deal with it. My mom wants to throw me 3 separate showers (yup 3!) in 3 different towns. It's my first pregnancy and she's over the moon excited as if this is her first grandchild (my brother has 4, mine will be the 5th). Her reason for throwing so many showers is because we live in one city and I was raised in another about 3 hrs away from where I live now. The city I was raised in is a border town so technically 2 cities. There's people in the mexican side that can't come over to the US so she wants to throw one on that side of the river and one on this side. I'm a shy person who doesn't like to be the center of attention so 3 parties are crazy and I'm sure extremely tacky. I don't know how to tell her I don't want to have a party at my home town.
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  • mamajack86mamajack86 member
    Thanks ladies. After my first pregnancy I had PPD which made it difficult to go places, do things, etc. I was such a home body. I hope I don't get it again this time around. With that said I already declined to do a welcome baby party because I want to focus on my health as well as bonding with my new little one. Luckily both sides of my family understand that much. But I will try and have my husband talk them out of planning anything. I like the suggestion of letting the ladies get together for a brunch (no gifts intended) so I might suggest that to my SIL, if she continues to insist. Thanks again, great suggestions!

    #1 BFP 11/6/12 EDD 07/19/13 Delivered 07/23/13 - Baby boy Everett John

    #2 BFP 07/06/14 EDD 03/12/15




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  • amelthyaamelthya member
    Let her throw a meet the baby party after the baby is born.
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  • thursdaythursday member
    I have declined a shower for my current pregnancy. This is my second baby, my first is 5 and my Besties are so awesome and gave me a beautiful shower. I have declined a second but since they insist we will have a sip n see for after the baby is born.
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  • mandi195mandi195 member
    I had a friend offer a shower for us, and as this is my second child (1st is 8) I didn't feel comfortable with it. I asked her if she'd possilby like to do a "meet the baby" party instead after I give birth, and she loved that idea. Just a suggestion, for me it worked as a way to decline without hurting feelings. 
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  • Stephy129Stephy129 member
    I'm in the same situation. My sister actually hung up on me the other day as I tried to tell her again that I don't think it's a good idea.
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  • chucktgirlchucktgirl member
    My friend just did this. Her bestie wanted to throw her a shower for her second child because it's a girl and her first is a boy. She was adamantly against it, and let all of know (the event was actually planned.) Pretty much, we all understood and respected her feelings. We all promised NO GIFTS, games, theme, etc. and agreed to do a girl's brunch instead, just to get together. This seemed to satisfy all involved.

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    My BLOG: www.ivfbabyquest.wordpress.com -Update - old blog.

    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!
    Me: 42, Hubby: 35, TTC since Jan 2010. Dx: DOR due to advanced maternal age. Also: Hypothyroidism (100mcg Levothyroxin). Positive for MTHFR (hetero-C677T), Factor V Leiden, and Fragile X (on DH side). Taking pre-natal vitamins    .
    First natural PG 9/27/11; mc: 1/20/12
    First RE visit: 8/8/12, Saline Sonogram: 8/28/12, IVF injection class: 10/11/12, add FaBB Tab for FVL, +Vitamin D.
    IVF #1: 10/17/12 Baseline: FSH- 9.4, E2- 24, LH- 3.7, Prog- 0.3 The u/s showed 6 follicles in my right  & 9 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 10/21/12: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning.
    ER 10/28/12: 13 Retreived. 7 Mature. 6 Fertilized. 5 Made it to PGS. ET 11/2/12: CANCELED. All 5 came back from PGS as having "severe abnormalities."
    IVF #2: 1/7/13 Baseline: FSH- 8.8, 4 follicles in my right & 6 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 1/11/13: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning. hCG Trigger 1/16/13
    ER 1/18/13: 9 Retrieved. 5 Mature. 5 Fertilized. 2 Made it to PGS. ET 1/23/13: CANCELED. All embryos (he even sent the ones not growing) came back from PGS as having "multiple severe abnormalities."
    IVF #3:     NEW RE! 3/1/13 Baseline: FSH- 9.6, E2- 61, Prog- 0.94, 3 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle& 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/7/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 3/9/13 SQ.
    ER 3/11/13: 6R, 2M, 2F. Day 3: one 8 cell, grade 0.  Five day ET 3/16/13: one early blast, grade Fair. 3/24/13 AF came a day before beta. BFN
    IVF #4:     (Added acupuncture to this cycle.) 3/25/13 WTF & Baseline: FSH-11.8, E2- 56, Prog- 0.84 3/26/13 Start stims. 3/30/13 u/s: 5 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 225 Bravelle& 225 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/31/13 Add Ganirelix SQ in AM.hCG Trigger 4/3/13 SQ.
    ER 4/5/13: 5R, 3M, 3F naturally. Day 3: two 8 cell, grade 0, one 8 cell, grade 2 (Scale 0-best to 3-worst). Five day ET 4/10/13: two blastocysts (the 3rd stopped growing.) Beta 4/18/13: 2.5 BFFN. RE recommends we stop trying and focus on living childless, due to the extremely poor quality of my eggs.
    ***Decided to stop trying and live CFNBC. I couldn't adjust. So, six months later...
    IVF #5: Changed RE. Going to one of the big name clinics now. OWDU: 10/29/13. Update: HORRIBLE experience. Disgusted and distraught at their complete unprofessionalism and how much money and precious time they cost us. Sickening. Have now changed RE again. New Patient appt. 1/30/14.
    BFP! Out of nowhere, I got KU the old fashioned way! POAS 1/26/14 - Positive! FDLM 12/30/13. Beta #1 16dpo= 373. Beta #2 18dpo= 801. EDD 10/6/14
    2/4/14 1st U/S revealed a 5wk2day sac but no fetal pole. Started 200mgs of progesterone suppositories daily
    2/11/14 2nd U/S revealed a perfect 6wk1day "diamond ring" embryo with a beating heart! 138bpm! Add 1mg folic acid and 40mg Lovenox
    2/25/14 3rd U/S: perfect 8w1d embryo, 178bpm. 3/6 start spotting. 3/11 10w1d U/S shows no heartbeat. Scheduling D&C. The Stork has forsaken me again.
    IVF #5.2: New in-state RE. Supplement priming for 1.5 cycles prior to start of cycle, including DHEA 50mg (stopped 5/15), CoQ10 200mg 2x/day, L-Arginine- 1000mg 2x/day (stopped 6/5 due to cold sore!), myo-inositol- 2g 2x/day, melatonin- 3mg, and Neevo (prenatal for MTHFR).
    5/16/14 Day 2 bw cycle prior: FSH- 12.22, E2- 38.37, Prog- 1.35, LH- 9.46. 6/2/14 Day 19 bw: Prog- 23
    6/12/14 Baseline: E2- 122.7, Prog- 0.4. 5 follicles in left, 4 follicles in right. Start stims: 375IU Follistim & 150IU Menopur. 6/19 Increase Follistim to 425IU, Menopur still 150IU. 6/18 add Ganirelix. 6/23 Ovidrel trigger SQ. 6/25 ER: 8R, 8M, 5F naturally. Start Medrol & Doxy. 6/26 Start Endometrin. 7/2 Start Lovenox.
    7/8/14 Beta= 137.4 BFP!!! (My first from IVF!) E2- 1109, Prog- >60. Stop CoQ10, myo-inositol, and melatonin. 7/9 2nd Beta= 281.4. TSH- 2.70. Increasing Synthroid to 100mcg daily. 7/24 6w3d u/s measured 6w3d, hb: 121bmp! 8/5 8w1d u/s measured 8w3d, hb: 164bpm! Graduated from RE to OB. Now I just need to find an OB!
    EDD 3/18/15!

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  • JenLa21JenLa21 member
    My friend recently went to a "sprinkle" for a new baby thats the opposite sex of the firstborn. So she now thinks this is the norm. She thinks it's what you do to get new clothes for baby #2. So a few weeks ago before she knew i was pregnant, she was talking about sprinkles, and asking if I'd ever want one. I expressed that I didn't care for them much, and it wouldn't matter for me anyway since we didn't find out for DS (who isn't even 2!!!) and I won't find out what this baby is.

    Cut to last weekend when I told her I was pregnant, she started asking about sprinkles again lol. I said no, we have everything we need etc... She asked me what I would be comfortable with. So I suggested just the girls going to lunch. I think it's great to celebrate the baby in a small way, without gifts.

    A brunch/lunch with your nearest and dearest is the way to go, so good luck with suggesting that. Hopefully everything goes well for you and baby after birth, and you feel better than last time.
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  • JenK2JenK2 member
    I'm in the same situation! They threw one for me with my first baby. It was late in my pregnancy and the baby came three weeks early. They gave me a hard time for not getting thank you notes out fast enough. I was home with a newborn! I didn't have time to shower. There is no way I'm signing up for that again!
    I plan on telling them we don't need or want anything, but we appreciate the offer. I'm sure she'll be offended, but you can't win them all.
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