Experience With Parental Preferences

hollycn · September 2014

As a FTM, I was just wondering if any mothers of toddlers have gone through the "I only want mommy" (or "I only want daddy") phase, including preference of one parent to do something, such as feeding or dressing, over the other.

I know I have a little time before this might or not become an issue. And I'm also aware that this is a superficial thing to worry about it in the large scheme of giving birth and raising a child-- there are so many other more important things to fret over.

So, I'm just asking out of curiosity... Is this a common thing to deal with as moms? Is it easy to cope with? How do you handle it?

shand619 · September 2014

Don't negotiate with terrorists! If dad is helping, then take it from dad or don't have it at all. They learn pretty quickly not to play that game once they don't get a response out of you/what they want. You just have to be strong enough to ride out the tantrum that first time (...maybe first few times depending on how stubborn your toddler is.)

ZAP12 · September 2014

Yes and sometimes it's hard. It's usually for who she wants to read to her, carry her, or play with her. We give her the choice a lot "do you want to read that book with Mama or Daddy?" For the bigger things like carrying we try to listen to her, but she really likes me to carry her and it's getting harder for me to carry her up stairs or long distances. We tell her "either daddy can carry you or you can walk." If she still whines for mommy we'll tell her "This is your last chance. You can walk or daddy can carry you. If you don't choose, we will make the choice for you." Then if she whines for mommy again my husband will tell her that we are making the choice since she didn't and he will carry her. If she cries, it's usually only a few minutes.

It gets hard when it seems like she doesn't want to be with one of us, but usually she's pretty good about having both mama and daddy time.

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SeahorseMama · September 2014

Oh yeah. DD1 is a daddy's girl. She wants mommy if she is hurt, or a lot of times if she's sleepy, but she would much rather play with daddy than mommy. It can hurt sometimes, but obviously it's not malicious. It's just a phase. I have to remember she preferred me for the first year because I controlled the boobs

JRod13 · September 2014

DS is all mom all the time. I love my boy, but I kinda hope this one is a little more partial to dad. It wears on you after awhile.

hollycn · September 2014

@amw0914‌ yeah I know I don't have to worry about it for a while. My SO's daughter who just turned 3 does it all the time to us. She's only with us part time so it's not quite the same... But when she wants to stall something for a minute longer she definitely plays favorites.

@PugLife5869‌ I've heard so many stories of mothers and fathers feeling rejected by their toddlers. I guess you really have to try not taking it personally and recognizing it's normal behavior.

RayRay007 · September 2014

Yep it's totally common and doesn't mean your kid doesn't need or want you anymore. When DD wanted daddy to do everything with her I was like "ok sure!". Gave me a break from doing everything. I knew she didn't actually not like me anymore so it didn't hurt my feelings at all.

Cheekers2010 · September 2014

I'm actually super happy when my DS is in a daddy phase. It gives me a break.

leoandethansmom · September 2014

For my son it really depends on the day. He usually wants whatever parent isn't the one telling him no. He's 2 and testing his limits to the extreme. I'm more of a softie than DH plus DH has been gone since July so right now it's obviously me because I'm the only option, but when DH is home it's a toss up. For the first 18 months it was all mommy mommy mommy but now he prefers playing with daddy because their time is limited and he plays better than I do (in his words.) I am counting the days until DH is home (36) because it is exhausting doing this alone.

AngelSong76 · September 2014

Toddlers have very strong opinions about everything, and they are not the same opinions from day to day. Or even minute to minute! Our son actually had both of us read the same book the other night, back to back, to see who did it better. Even with my years of theatrical training and experience, Daddy won that contest.

Toddlers are a very unique and special species. One minute you think your heart will burst because of how sweet they are, and the next minute, you want to scream because they are being so difficult!

They do go through phases where they prefer one parent over the other. It's totally normal, and when it isn't your turn, enjoy the free time!

Manateearmz · September 2014

Very common. DD was really bad about it as a baby, she would only prefer one of us for certain tasks. Now she gets into moods where she prefers one of us over the other on a day to day basis depending on her mood.

JunkieBrewster · September 2014

My son is 8 and still prefers me for emotional things and needs. But for fun, Daddy is his go-to guy which is fine by me, 100%. My husband, however, does get his feelings hurt about it.

feeshah · September 2014

DD is always on Mommas side (the right side

)

That is until Grandma or Grandpa shows up.

She loves her father in that way that little girls love dad. But that fool isn't around. My DH (her step dad) has stepped up and DD loves him. She probably won't appreciate how amazing he is until she is much older. But she will always ALWAYS take my side over his.

mlee116 · September 2014

DS is totally a mama's boy. He wants me to take him to school, get him dressed, do bedtime, etc. But I think a lot of it is that he's just used to me doing it and likes the consistency of it. For the most part, unless I'm sick or too tired or just can't, I do it. But when I can't, DH does it and that's the end of it. He will throw a tantrum sometimes, but he's got to learn that mama can't always drop everything (especially when December gets here!) and daddy can do stuff too.

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