u/s update and DH issues... kind of a rant

ASRDH · September 2014

So my appointment well medically. We saw the yolk sac and gestational sac, measuring 10mm. The tech was impressed that I knew what I was looking at. My husband sat there motionless, voiceless. We then waited a half for a room to see the Dr and another hour plus before she came in the room. We were quite irritated at that point. But she reassured us that every thing is looking as it should and we will do another scan in 2 weeks to check for a heart beat.
I was really hoping that seeing something would be a relief for him and he could start getting excited but he's not. I want to jump and celebrate and smile and cry and he just sits there.
So I'm going to a friends house who will celebrate with me!
Any thoughts of what to do or how to reason on his behavior?

carlsonbaby2014 · September 2014

I'm glad you had a good appointment and that you're excited about seeing the yolk sac and gestational sac! Enjoy celebrating with your friend!! I would just say that your H is probably processing this the way he needs to. Try to give him time and patience so that he can feel your support without feeling guilty that he's not quite 'there' yet. He might start to get excited when he sees the heartbeat, or when you guys have your A/S, or at some random point where he feels like it's safe for him to open up the door for excitement - it's just different for everyone.

peggels24 · September 2014

The PPs are wise - I concur with their sentiment that your DH just needs time to process.

My DH was really excited for the first time at my last u/s at 19 weeks - I think he could see that it was a baby and it felt more "real" to him.

Flowerstar1023 · September 2014

Did you talk to him about it? That would be my first step.

Everyone processes things differently. And, for you, seeing a gestational sac and yolk sac is likely exciting because it means progress and development, but your husband may not understand the terms or may not see it that way. After all, to a "layperson" all these structures look like are two little circles in early development.

My husband went with me for my ultrasound to rule out repeat ectopic and "all" we saw was the yolk sac and gestational sac because I was only at 5 weeks. He was relieved that it wasn't an ectopic, but that's about it. Fast forward two weeks to a repeat ultrasound which showed a growing baby with a heartbeat where you could see limb buds, a forming brain, etc growing and his enthusiasm was much more palpable. Give him time.

pblge · September 2014

Those early scans don't look like much to the untrained eye. Hopefully he'll get enthusiastic soon, but it might be good to check in with him.

Congratulations!

sgio7485 · September 2014

My DH Had zero enthusiasm until he could see a "baby" on the monitor instead of just a baby "blob". It took awhile!

Samuelismomma · September 2014

Congrats on great scan! My H didn't really get excited until a/s scan and then week later feeling her kick. Come to find out he was being racked with pgal brain. He will come around.

Yaz14 · September 2014

My husband is the same. He does get a little excited after scans and appointments when we're reassured everything is ok but then he pretty much goes back to being a closed book. I got irritated with him at one point and accused him of not being excited and not caring enough. He was really hurt and said that he is excited and he definitely does care but he's still heart broken about the mc and is just trying to guard his heart. I felt bad after that. Lately when I bring it up he seems to be a bit more open and when I wandered into a baby store the other day when we were out shopping be wandered in after me and was asking the shop keeper questions about strollers! So I know he's getting there. Give your DH time, I know it may seem like he's completely unemotional about the whole thing but he will come around. This is probably just his way of guarding himself.

Edit: spelling.

DragonBB · September 2014

Like PP's said, he just needs to deal with the stress a different way. My husband is the same. He doesn't even want to tell anyone we're pregnant until 20 weeks haha. I was like, "You know they'll probably figure it out on their own first at that point!" Be patient with him and calmly voice your concerns

Congratulations!!

ASRDH · September 2014

Thank you all. I thought just knowing it wasn't ectopic would be enough reassurance to get at least a little excited...
Today I was exhausted. He laid down with me and asked if the baby was making me tired. It was the first time he acknowledged there was a baby. So there's progress..

christia10 · September 2014

After our first u/s with the yolk and sac both DH and I were numb. We've had multiple losses so it literally meant nothing to us (well nothing but still). Both our hearts were guarded. After a loss pregnancy doesn't make you excited just nervous a lot of times. My DH was super happy once we saw the baby and heard that heartbeat he was all in and totally fell in love

. Don't be mad at him. I think it's even harder for guys. They naturally want to protect their families but with miscarriages it's just out of their hands and they watch us suffer the emotional and physical pain.

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u/s update and DH issues... kind of a rant

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Began trying for a baby January 2012
BFP 4.25.2013 EDD 1.3.2014 MMC 6.3.2013 D&C 6.19.2013
BFP 11.3.2013 CP 11.6.2013
BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014

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u/s update and DH issues... kind of a rant

Re: u/s update and DH issues... kind of a rant

Began trying for a baby January 2012BFP 4.25.2013 EDD 1.3.2014 MMC 6.3.2013 D&C 6.19.2013BFP 11.3.2013 CP 11.6.2013BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014

Choose Another Board

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Began trying for a baby January 2012
BFP 4.25.2013 EDD 1.3.2014 MMC 6.3.2013 D&C 6.19.2013
BFP 11.3.2013 CP 11.6.2013
BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014