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December 2014 Moms
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Oh The Anxiety..

NolanRyanLadyNolanRyanLady member
in December 2014 Moms
I've been so irritated lately with my bf's lack of interest in helping get the house baby ready. We have a roommate that he said he would ask to move out so we can have a room for baby, now he's saying he isn't kicking him out til the 1st of the year... That's a little less than a month after I'm due. We are getting loads of stuff for baby and have nowhere to put it. I keep telling him I need that room, I need it now, I want to be able to get the stuff organized and ready for when baby comes... Not right before I'm due, when I'm huge and miserable, not after, when I'm taking care of LO and have no time... I need it now. We've known about this baby coming for months now and every time I get a trunk full of hand me downs, he gives ME attitude and makes me feel horrible because I'm bringing more shit we don't have room for.. I have anxiety problems as it is. There's tons that this house needs before I bring a baby in to it and a room for baby is one. He uses, "oh well he's gonna be in our room for the first few months anyway".. yeah! But where are we gonna put all of his stuff?? I'm not gonna dig thru piles in our room to get a clean onesie or blanket or diapers or wipes or bottle necessities... C'mon..

Then I try to take a breather and relax. Grab my phone and scroll down my fb news feed and see this friends status..

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Of course..
P.s. love having a place to vent... To beautiful ladies like yourselves who know what I'm feelin!
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Re: Oh The Anxiety..

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  • NolanRyanLadyNolanRyanLady member
    leosmom25 said:

    You live there too, can't you kick out the roommate?

    I guess I don't have that authority and it would be rude....

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  • CandEChicagoCandEChicago member
    NolanRyanLady said:

    leosmom25 said:

    You live there too, can't you kick out the roommate?

    I guess I don't have that authority and it would be rude....

    Whose name is on the lease?


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  • NolanRyanLadyNolanRyanLady member
    My boyfriends name is the only one on the lease. He did tell the roommate he needs to move out, but not til the 1st of the year.

    I got a trunk load of stuff from my cousin and the whole time he helped me unload it, he had an attitude and kept asking, what the hell are we doing with all this SHIT.

    WELL IF WE HAD A BABY ROOM, WE WOULD PUT IT IN THERE. BECAUSE THATS WHERE ITS SUPPOSED TO GO.
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  • Cheekers2010Cheekers2010 member
    Right there with you @NolanRyanLady‌ - I am having major anxiety about this very issue. Unfortunately my DH is so bogged down at work that he has no time to help out at home. My hallway is filled with boxes of my son's stuff that I've weeded through for baby girl. My DS' big boy room is a quarter set up. The "nursery" is filled with boxes and various odds and ends and new stuff waiting to be organized for baby girl. The walls have big paint sample squares painted on them as does my fire place. The fire place has big glue splotches (thanks previous owners) waiting for my DH to use some toxic glue be gone stuff that I can't use because I'm pregnant. Basically I am unable to do anything or completely anything right now. It's utter chaos and my stress is at an all time high because of it. I'm so upset.
    Lilypie - (vGZN)

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP2: 10/27/13(edd 7/10/14) "Speck" ~ M/C 12/5/13
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  • CandEChicagoCandEChicago member
    Please tell me that you will get your name on the lease. I am assuming there is no formal rental agreement with the roommate.


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  • NolanRyanLadyNolanRyanLady member
    My bf owns a custom car shop and it's run out of our house. We have a big property with a shop on the lot. Roommate doesn't pay rent, just helps bf in the shop to pay it off. He is currently trying to get a car done for the big famous custom show in Vegas called SEMA. And apparently he needs roommates help, even though he calls him unhelpful, unmotivated and worthless... Yeah..

    So otherwise, roommate doesn't have a job or an income. He has to move in with his parents if we kick him out.

    I've said it a few times that if this house isn't ready I'm going HOME. To Iowa. Where my family is. I live in AZ now, only family I have here is my mom
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  • CandEChicagoCandEChicago member
    I could see the roommate staying if you had a formal agreement (name on lease/sublease/roommate agreement) and you needed the extra month or two of rent...but those reasons don't appear to exist here.

    How long have you and SO been together?


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  • NolanRyanLadyNolanRyanLady member
    Almost 2 years @CandEChicago‌
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  • CandEChicagoCandEChicago member
    Putting these together to help future readers
    NolanRyanLady said:

    I've been so irritated lately with my bf's lack of interest in helping get the house baby ready. We have a roommate that he said he would ask to move out so we can have a room for baby, now he's saying he isn't kicking him out til the 1st of the year... That's a little less than a month after I'm due. We are getting loads of stuff for baby and have nowhere to put it. I keep telling him I need that room, I need it now, I want to be able to get the stuff organized and ready for when baby comes... Not right before I'm due, when I'm huge and miserable, not after, when I'm taking care of LO and have no time... I need it now. We've known about this baby coming for months now and every time I get a trunk full of hand me downs, he gives ME attitude and makes me feel horrible because I'm bringing more shit we don't have room for.. I have anxiety problems as it is. There's tons that this house needs before I bring a baby in to it and a room for baby is one. He uses, "oh well he's gonna be in our room for the first few months anyway".. yeah! But where are we gonna put all of his stuff?? I'm not gonna dig thru piles in our room to get a clean onesie or blanket or diapers or wipes or bottle necessities... C'mon..

    Then I try to take a breather and relax. Grab my phone and scroll down my fb news feed and see this friends status..

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic


    Of course..
    P.s. love having a place to vent... To beautiful ladies like yourselves who know what I'm feelin!

    NolanRyanLady said:

    leosmom25 said:

    You live there too, can't you kick out the roommate?

    I guess I don't have that authority and it would be rude....

    NolanRyanLady said:

    My boyfriends name is the only one on the lease. He did tell the roommate he needs to move out, but not til the 1st of the year.

    I got a trunk load of stuff from my cousin and the whole time he helped me unload it, he had an attitude and kept asking, what the hell are we doing with all this SHIT.

    WELL IF WE HAD A BABY ROOM, WE WOULD PUT IT IN THERE. BECAUSE THATS WHERE ITS SUPPOSED TO GO.

    NolanRyanLady said:

    My bf owns a custom car shop and it's run out of our house. We have a big property with a shop on the lot. Roommate doesn't pay rent, just helps bf in the shop to pay it off. He is currently trying to get a car done for the big famous custom show in Vegas called SEMA. And apparently he needs roommates help, even though he calls him unhelpful, unmotivated and worthless... Yeah..

    So otherwise, roommate doesn't have a job or an income. He has to move in with his parents if we kick him out.

    I've said it a few times that if this house isn't ready I'm going HOME. To Iowa. Where my family is. I live in AZ now, only family I have here is my mom



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  • CandEChicagoCandEChicago member
    NolanRyanLady said:

    Almost 2 years @CandEChicago‌

    How long have you been living together? How long has the roommate been there?


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  • leoandethansmomleoandethansmom member

    The roommate doesn't even pay rent?

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  • nesenotesnesenotes member
    Uh yeah, you and baby are priority.  Im also a raging bitch and would make both bf and roommate's life hell until he left. Or I'd leave. Thats too much to deal with in addition to a nb. 
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    Married: 5/21/05 **~** Emery Aylin 6/30/12

     BFP#1-11/5/10- Surgery for ectopic pregnancy 11/15/10 BFP#2-11/1/11 Due 7/8/12 Born 6/30/12
    Oops we did it again... BFP 03/23/14 Due 12/6/14 Nora Born 11/23/14
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  • ebilbaoebilbao member
    Set a deadline, like Sept 30th. Tell the roommate that on Oct. 1, that room is being turned into a nursery, whether he is there or not. He has until then to find another place to live. Stick to it.

    This is not rude. What IS rude, is continuing to live in someone's house when they are having a baby and need that space. He needs to GTFO. End of story. Why should you suffer bc this guy is lazy?
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  • SerenityAESerenityAE member
    I'm in the exact same boat here. (Except roommate pays rent) 
    SO doesn't have the balls to say GET THE F OUT to tenant and never shows any interest in anything baby related. Our entire closet and half our bedroom is full of baby stuff and he just complains its in the way. He seems to think it'll take 2 days to throw the nursery together...
    Our roommate was supposed to be gone 1st of this month. Then he asked could he stay until this past weekend in return he'd paint the room my nursery color choice, which I agree to since I hate painting. A couple days ago he went behind my back and paid SO rent for this month so he "doesn't have to rush to move out."
    I'll be damned if he isn't gone by this weekend. He will come home to find his shit on the lawn. 

    Its really rude and disrespectful that these roommates are doing this.

    Prayers you get your situation worked out. 
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    You are being a doormat.  My goodness your BF is choosing a car A CAR over you and your child.

    Please just stop and let that sink in for a bit.
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  • Disneygeek77Disneygeek77 member
    and why can't he just...ya know hire someone to help him get the car ready ?
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  • ColeyCannoliColeyCannoli member
    edited September 2014
    I'm sorry hun, but I have to agree with the PP. It's time to lay down the law or get out. I'd talk to the roommate and get him ready to leave. If he won't listen, you really need to put your foot down. Yeah, you are not on the lease but you are carrying a child! That baby needs you to advocate for him/her. It seems like you SO is immature and hasn't really grasped what a baby will mean or how much work they take. He needs to wake up and maybe leaving will be the only way to do it. Is this really going to be the best situation for your baby?
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  • drpaynedrpayne member
    ebilbao said:
    Set a deadline, like Sept 30th. Tell the roommate that on Oct. 1, that room is being turned into a nursery, whether he is there or not. He has until then to find another place to live. Stick to it.

    This is not rude. What IS rude, is continuing to live in someone's house when they are having a baby and need that space. He needs to GTFO. End of story. Why should you suffer bc this guy is lazy?
    No one should have to explain this to you, OP.  You're a grown woman.

    Blows my mind. 
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  • perfectlove09perfectlove09 member
    Ok. So I read through all the comments here and I agree with the other posters. However I don't have time to read all the posts people put on the board so I'm unfamiliar with the "driving drink friends around" comment nor do I understand the reference to your birthday in March that @leosmom25‌ mentioned.
    So all that being said I also wanted to provide some different advice.

    If you love your SO and he is a good man (other than the current stupid state he has caused with roommate), and you trust that he will be a good partner, supportive partner and good daddy then there are other ways to look at your situation with the roommate and the extra room. Please keep all of that in mind when I say this.

    Having a room set up for baby is a great advantage and very nice to have done before baby arrives. However it's not vital. Yes it will be annoying and more hassle to "dig through clothes" out of baskets in your bedroom but it's not the end of the world. I promise. My dd is in our 2nd room so right now there isn't a bedroom for baby #2. Baby will be in our bedroom in a bassinet by my bed. His/her clothes will most likely be in a basket in my room. Their clothes are so tiny that it's not even a thought in my head. I will have a 2nd changing pad that will be in the room and we will throw it on the bed for changes and near the bed when not in use. Is this ideal? No...but it's really doable and MANY people don't have an extra room for baby. Even girls on here have posted how they are turning their own bedroom into a makeshift nursery.

    I know how badly you want to nest and I 100% understand you wanting to have that nursery ready before baby is born. But. If everything else with SO is good and you are happy and satisfied with the other things in your life...this is just a small inconvenience.

    Now if you have constant issues and doubts and fears about your life with SO and this is just another things that's been piled up on top of a ton of other crap, it's time to reevaluate you're situation and options and move on if necessary.

    I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks, it's stressful and you shouldn't have to deal with it.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    DD#1 December '12
    DD#2 New Year's Baby '15
    Married 07/09
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  • 2JEL2JEL member
    I think a lot of the PPs are concerned for you and baby if your boyfriend is acting the way he has been described, as it doesn't indicate he's really mentally prepared/committed to be having a baby and sharing responsibility.  I share their concern as it sounds like you do not feel like you have much control in the situation and he isn't particularly considerate-- since you are having a kid together, I would suggest at least trying counseling before threatening dramatic ultimatums because sometimes that helps immature guys deal with parental anxiety, denial, etc.  If not, it should at least help you develop confidence to demand respect and consideration.


    "And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 
    2 Corinthians 12:9

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