Sharing w/ fam today.. SIL struggling with infertility

melissahruban · September 2014

Hello everyone! I'm Melissa, I'm 26 & a SAHM to a boy & a girl (2 & 3 yrs old). We just found out we're pregnant with #3! EDD 5/11/14. I had HCG tested twice last week, Tues was 116 & Thurs was 305.

We are telling my family today at family dinner, and I'm nervous because my SIL is in her third month of Clomid (and not preg as far as I know). My sister also struggled with infertility and had been trying for 3 years when I found out I was pregnant with my first. She bawled when I told her the news!

Any tips or ideas of something I can say to her?

My son is wearing a shirt I embroidered, I'll attach the pic. Thanks!

Ndracer · September 2014

Exactly that. As someone who has dealt with infertility and loss I would want that. I was almost blind sided at a family dinner when a relative somehow thought it would be easier for me to hear that way. Luckily my husband caught wind of it and told them he had to tell me first. I would have burst out crying in front of everyone. It's not that I wasn't happy for them and not that your SIL won't be happy for you. But it's emotional and if she is on fertility drugs then she is extra emotional.

mpiemont · September 2014

Definitely tell someone who is struggling with IF or pregnancy loss privately. Their reaction may not be something they want to share in a large group.

MrsKindy40 · September 2014

Congrats! I went through something similar with my first. My BIL and SIL had been dealing with infertility for 5 years. I had my husband tell his brother privately who was able to tell the news to his wife privately. We didn't do any announcing to anyone in front of them. Thankfully, they found out they were having twins right before our son was born. Today we are putting DS in a big brother shirt and announcing to them. It will be fun to share the news with them this time around.

maybebride · September 2014

Sterling13 said:

Please don't let them see DS in that shirt (which is cute!) before you tell them privately.

This. So this.

It is hard to understand unless you've been there, but let them have a chance to process the information alone and not in front of the whole family. Your SIL will not want to be upset, but she will be and she will either have to cover it up or you have made her look like a jerk for being upset. Please, please do not let your DS just walk in with that shirt. I cannot even express the anxiety it gives me thinking about it.

wlrtimes2 · September 2014

I agree with these ladies. We have been trying to have a living child for over 3 years. In that time I have had 4 nieces/nephews born. I have been so grateful to my SIL that thought about me and allowed me to emotionally prepare. Babies are exciting and she will want to be excited for you, but give her a day of warning so that she can have her time to be jealous or sad and then put on her happy face for you and baby.

heathersf11 · September 2014

I agree with what others have said. I would have hated to get blindsided with someone else's BFP when I had been trying unsuccessfully to get KU. She has to find out sometime, but privately would be best. If I were you I would tell everyone separately, and not at a big dinner. I also agree that the shirt would be a very hurtful thing for her to see.

LO95 · September 2014

I sort of cringed when I read that you're planning to spring it on your SIL at dinner because this happened to me in the thick of infertility woes. Please text her ahead of time. Maybe she'll opt out of dinner because she's not feeling up for it, or maybe she'll come and be just fine, but if you care about her, you'll respect the fact that infertility is a nasty B and, when you're in the midst of it, it's hard to get excited about other people's pregnancies.

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Sharing w/ fam today.. SIL struggling with infertility

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