How would you deal with this?

shortstack930 · September 2014

DH has two sisters--one is 19 and the other is 17. At first we had planned on making the older one DD's godmother because we figured the younger one could be godmother to the next child. But then when DD was born, the older sister acted like she didn't exist. She came once to the hospital, refused to hold the baby, stopped by once to give us a teddy bear for her but still refused to hold her, and now basically ignores the fact that she exists.

So we decided to make his younger sister the godmother because she absolutely adores the baby and is always stopping by to see her. Today she stopped by to see her and when DH asked her what the older sister's problem is, she responded, "I don't know, she's weird. Maybe when the baby is older she won't hate her." DH was like "she really hates her??" and his sister replied "well she said she doesn't like her."

How the hell do you dislike an infant?!! I can understand not being into babies or being nervous around them, but to dislike her and pretend she doesn't exist? WTF.

So I was fuming mad and took the teddy bear the older sister had bought for DD and tossed it in the trash. I told DH that I'm done with her and I don't want her near the baby because something is seriously wrong with her. I think she's jealous that the baby has all the attention, but how can you be jealous of a BABY?! I don't even want her at the baptism now because she'll only be pretending to care anyway. DH was really upset about the whole situation and I feel bad that his sister can't even be happy for him.

How would you guys handle this? Am I overreacting?

jensavicci · September 2014

I usually like to be nuetral minded and think of reasons on both sides of the story. But any bitch who dislikes my children, especially when they're so young, can stick it so far up their ass that they choke on it. I don't think you're overreacting but, I think you need to find out why she doesn't like her. Could be a deeper reason behind it. But, for the most part, I also think that she needs to get some help and get over herself.

marsalisails · September 2014

You may not like this answer, but they are both essentially children. It's not really practical to expect a 19 yo to act like an Adult if she's not capable of it. The fact that the 17 yo is acting a little more mature is luck, but not the norm (i would have been a terrible god mother at that age - it's not like I was really concerned with being a good spiritual guide or role model at that point in my life).

I wouldn't leave her alone with my child for sure, but Being "done with her" seems a bit silly to me. Most 19 year Olds are selfish...They don't really understand the significance of raising a family or being a god mother if they don't already have a family themselves...

jensavicci · September 2014

Matthew930 said:
You may not like this answer, but they are both essentially children. It's not really practical to expect a 19 yo to act like an Adult if she's not capable of it. The fact that the 17 yo is acting a little more mature is luck, but not the norm (i would have been a terrible god mother at that age - it's not like I was really concerned with being a good spiritual guide or role model at that point in my life).

I wouldn't leave her alone with my child for sure, but Being "done with her" seems a bit silly to me. Most 19 year Olds are selfish...They don't really understand the significance of raising a family or being a god mother if they don't already have a family themselves...

I like your answer better lol.

shortstack930 · September 2014

@Matthew930‌ I see your point. And in truth I think it all stems from her jealousy that the baby is getting all the attention and not her, which is, like you said, childish. I don't expect her to be all in love with the baby or anything, but to outright say you don't like her? Just seems wrong. I just kept looking at my LO and it breaks my heart to think that she has an aunt who already doesn't like her. She didn't do anything to deserve that, so basically her aunt doesn't like her for just existing? I guess it is just immaturity.

marsalisails · September 2014

shortstack930 said:
@Matthew930‌ I see your point. And in truth I think it all stems from her jealousy that the baby is getting all the attention and not her, which is, like you said, childish. I don't expect her to be all in love with the baby or anything, but to outright say you don't like her? Just seems wrong. I just kept looking at my LO and it breaks my heart to think that she has an aunt who already doesn't like her. She didn't do anything to deserve that, so basically her aunt doesn't like her for just existing? I guess it is just immaturity.

Oh definitely. She's taking it to a whole new level. Hopefully one day she'll grow up and realize that she's been a horrible sister/aunt.

Until then, I would definitely keep her at arms distance. It is also sad that your DH had to be put in that position.

littlemissmarla · September 2014

Yea she is dealing with some jealousy issues.. but don't let her issues be your issues. Go with the younger sister for godparent, keep living and enjoying your LO.. she will get over it eventually or she will distance herself further from the situation and then it's her loss not yours. I can't imagine how I would feel if a relative said they didn't like my baby, that's got to be hurtful and i'm sorry you even have to deal with this!

Nichole8787 · September 2014

I wouldn't write her off. Just keep her at a distance as many have said. Teenagers are idiots by nature. She will grow out

TricksyPixie · September 2014

Ugh. Sorry.. I couldn't deal with that. I know at first my sil was nervous to hold her, but it's because she was 18 and she saw me through labor, strong me who was just breathing and by hour 10 was crying because I was exhausted and wanted to go home. It scared her. She's fine now. Loves her.

If she didn't, I would just cry and scream at her because I'm emotionally volatile!

shortstack930 · September 2014

@jessafish‌ yeah I do admit that throwing away the gift was a bit over the top. I trust what the younger sister says mainly because we've seen how standoffish the older sister is and she's had negative feelings toward me in the past when I've been nothing but nice to her. I think she feels like I took her brother away which I can understand, but that's no reason to take it out on the baby. But also she has always just been a very cold person in general, and not just towards me.

But I definitely agree we have to talk to her and figure out what the problem is before it escalates even further.

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