Mom's with a big year difference between kids..

amieeyoung · September 2014

Are there any other second time (or 3/4/5 what have you) moms who have a large year difference between kids? My son will turn 10 just a month after babygirl is born and reading through posts I feel out of touch. I mean parenting has changed some in the last 10 years. Are there any new things are you going to go by or just do as you did with your first (or previous) kid? Are there things you didn't do last time around that you plan to do this time around.

For me -different):
I will use a sleep sack - those weren't big then we covered kids up with a light receiving blanket- but sleep sacks do seem safer
I am going to cloth diaper (well at least at home, prob not at child care) Disposables cost a lot of money last time and just seemed so wasteful to do full time plus my son took awhile to potty train- I think cloth diapers would help
I will probably end up supplementing with formula (depends on how it goes with work and pumping) - last time I exclusively breastfed but also was able to be off over a year before going back to work

amieeyoung · September 2014

My son is excited and said that we can finally be a real family since he'll have a sibling. He is worried about the baby getting so much attention in the beginning and thinks it is weird that she will be about 8 when he goes to college. There are 10 yrs difference between my youngest brothers (twins) and me. I think that girls are more open to it and boys have a harder time (my brothers did). Overall it ends up being a completely different relationship. My lil brothers look at me as another mother figure instead of sister, so keep in mind the youngest will always look up to big siblings and what they do. It might be rough at first, but will work out well in the end. Soooo cute - He was in tears, saying, "I won't be able to see the baby grow up because I'll be too old."

Lizzieg888 · September 2014

My daughter will be 15 when the baby will be born. It's hard because she acts like she doesn't care at all but that's about everything. Teenagers are crazy so I just keep trying to maintain positive.

HorseFeathers3 · September 2014

I have two boys ages 11 & 9 and both were quite excited to hear we have a new sibling coming to the family! They were even more excited to find out we are having a girl

Like OP said everything is so different this time around in regards to new products and new safety regulations, so I feel like I will be doing so many things differently this time around.

I am blessed with the opportunity to stay at home now and focus on my boys and now our new daughter. So I will deffinetly be exclusively be breast feeding this time. Deffinetly going for cloth diapers over disposables (more cost effective). Oh and I'm really really going to try for a natural labor/delivery this time. I am reading as much as I can to prepare myself mentally. And plan on using hypnobabies during labor. Praying it'll all work out

That is about it... For now. Good luck to you ladies on your new lil ones!

Edit... It's too early to type correctly

kutenpretti · September 2014

My kids are 11 and 13....bc i had them at such a young age I was traumatized and don't remember a whole lot about the pregnancy. I feel like I am a FTM. Registering was overwhelming and had a few anxiety attacks! lol. This is my DH first child so he is worse then me! From wipe warmers to vibrating bathtubs to no coats for newborns.... its all 2 much! My 11 year daughter is ecstatic but my 13 year old son is blah. The one thing that I am doing different is breastfeeding! Eek!

mrsrroberson · September 2014

Right there with you ladies! I have a 14 year old crazy hormonal teenage girl and a sweet All-star 11 year old boy! I also have a 23 year old under grad step-daughter! This pregnancy definitely caught my husband & I by surprise. Totally feel like a FTM again! Being pregnant in your early 20's is different than your mid 30's! Everyone is ecstatic & anxiously waiting for her arrival. I have also felt overwhelmed with all the new products and information that is thrown at you at what seems to be lightning speed! Since I joined TB, it really has helped me understand what the norm is nowadays lol Good luck to you!

lovelovelove09 · September 2014

I have an 11 year old step daughter. She is really excited to have a sibling (and a sister to boot). Hopefully this excitement will last!

beachy6 · September 2014

There are actually quite a few of us around here! My DS is 11 and he is so excited to be a big brother. It is literally all he has wanted for many years.

The only thing we'll be doing differently will be not getting as much baby "stuff" this time. In reality, lots of the things we thought we needed with DS were only used for such a short period of time and I don't want my house filled to the brim with baby stuff that we'll just get rid of in a few months. Diaper pails, wipes warmers, baby towels and wash cloths, etc are really not needed and I'm not wasting money on them. Instead, I'm getting PBK towels that are a little bigger and will last longer. Plus, I never thought the baby towels/wash cloths were very absorbent anyway. Instead of a diaper pail, I'll just put the diaper right in the garage trash. Then, my dogs won't mess with the diaper pail. My border collie can break into absolutely anything!

I don't think a lot has actually changed about parenting (minus a few safety rules) so we'll do everything basically the same. DS was a summer baby, so we never used the sleep sacks, but we had some, and the car seat rules are different. But, as for raising our new addition, not much is different! We'll just love on her and spoil her to the end of the world!

Carandkam · September 2014

My daughter will be 15 and my son will be 7. Both totally thrilled and cannot wait! My first 2 are 8 years apart and have the best relationship so I'm hoping for the same this time around.

amieeyoung · September 2014

There are several of us!!! I agree that is overwhelming listening to all the "in" things now. I have a general rule that if it seems unnecessary I will not be doing it

. If it worked the first time I will be doing it again. LOL I do think we learn what our individual parenting style is though and can tailor later kid care to fit the family needs better. This is my husbands first though so he is nervous as all get out - can't wait to see him with a newborn.

Shew I can't imagine doing it with a teen- I wish you all luck!! ( I work with teens so I know how they can be sometimes lol). Good thing with older kids is they can help out and also they can do things for themselves.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

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mhsj425 · September 2014

My daughter will be 9 when her brother is born. She has been begging for a sibling for years and is mostly happy, but also says she's nervous and is going to miss being an only child. I am also not buying all the stuff we had for her. I agree I don't want to clutter up my house and waste with all that stuff you only use for a short period and do t really need.

kwikwi8181 · September 2014

I'm so happy to see this thread. I am a FTM with a step-daughter who will be 6.5 when the baby arrives. She is super excited to have a sister ( she has been trying to get us to have a baby since she was three...but daddy's divorce from her mom was dragged out due to custody stuff so we waited. LoL. ). I always pictured my kids being closer in age- but am happy that she us old enough to want to help and is excited. Given the drama in my stepdaughters life ( on her mothers side) , I'm hoping that the transition will be smooth. We are making sure to not exclude her and try not to make big baby purchases while she is not with us. We have 50/50 custody so we try to do baby stuff while she's here so she can help choose things and be included.
I am hoping that, despite their age difference, they will be close.

amieeyoung · September 2014

I am not registering- I never did with the first one and just told people general things to buy. I would like less things myself, but since hubs has a family member giving us baby furniture it will actually be more (I never had a changing table with the first but will this time). Glad to see so many mommies in the same boat

.

I'm sure sleep sacks were around, but I didn't really see many and it wasn't something that was a recommendation just another option then.

soulcupcake · September 2014

kaylam714 said:

I have an 8 year old and will be 10 next month, both boys! Oldest seems to be really excited for a new brother, younger seems to be indifferent most of the time, and he picked up the habit of talking like a baby over the summer on and off and it's driving me crazy!! I don't know if it has to do with baby on the way or just a weird thing he's doing. It wouldn't surprise me if it was because of LO on the way. He didn't potty train until almost 4 because he "wanted to be the baby still!" So, I'm nervous how he will be when little brother comes. We had a daughter stillborn three years ago and they were ecstatic about her too, so they were pretty hesitant to get excited this time. All of the new crazy things are overwhelming. I had a mental breakdown when I went to register too and cried in the middle of target! This is also DH's first so he will be funny to watch! I don't know that I'll be doing anything too different other than staying home full time this time around, so I guess I'll see what naturally comes different!

(((hugs)))

I can relate in many ways. My girls will be 8 (Nov) and 10 (Dec) and my youngest 5 (Dec). My girls are excited, but I know my eldest is hesitant. She remembers when I was pregnant with my first son and he was due in Dec. She was super excited about that. Then when we lost him right after my other daughter's birthday she was very confused. She was preparing for a little brother. Surprisingly, at almost 4 she was very aware that something wasn't right. She was also hesitant with my youngest, also due/born in December. She's excited about having a baby sister. They'll be 10 years apart like me and my little sister.

My soon-to-be 8 year old, while curious, is more of "out of sight, out of mind." Until she's here it won't register to her. And the same with my 4.5 year old. He doesn't know what to expect, but he'll talk about her and what he wants to show her (toys and games) when she's bigger.

This is also my husband's first. He's never been around babies. It's all completely new to him. He never expected to have children. He wanted them, but never saw it happening before we met.

As for the OP's question, I was pretty crunchy 10 years ago, and am even more so now. There isn't really anything I'll do differently this time, in terms of parenting style/philosophy, that I didn't do with my others.

beachy6 · September 2014

Courtneylovesjason2 said:

beachy6 said:

Also, this times ten! I have learned that diaper pails just get gross real quick, infant tubs are not necessary (I am just using a towel in the tub for head support), you don't need a bassinet AND a crib, or even a changer (I end up changing the baby anywhere, just throwing down a cloth changing pad. We never even used the expensive baby monitor we registered for. There was SO much I thought I needed years ago, when you really don't. I had some sleep sacks before, too. I'm pretty sure they were around 10 years ago...

We're not using a changing table either. Such a waste of money. We will get a dresser and put a pad on that. But, downstairs, we'll just change her wherever since that's what we ended up doing with DS in the end. So much easier than dragging him upstairs every time he needed changed! Same with the tub. Such a waste of money and space to store it! We might get one of the bath sponge thingys, otherwise we'll just do the towel, too. Worked last time!

majoraimers · September 2014

I have two boys, 11 and 8. Both are excited about this new baby brother. I like the logistical decisions I made the first time around, cloth diapers, breast feeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping, etc. I love some of the new stuff out there and yet I know how simple I want to keep it, too much stuff last time.
As for me and my parenting I have a different perspective. Life seems totally manageable and I know how quickly it all goes. So slowing down and taking in the moments is my biggest goal.

Question for you ladies with a huge gap, are you done or are you thinking a sibling closer in age to this wee babe is in the cards? My SO wants another and I'm not closed off to the idea. First things first.

mrsrroberson · September 2014

@majoraimers‌ Before this journey began I always thought if I have to start all over again might as well have 2 so they can have company. Unfortunately I have PIHBP that has gotten worse with each pregnancy. My BP has been the hardest to control with this LO, so we decided we're going to close shop.

jennielee123 · September 2014

My DD will turn ten a month before this LO is due. It's been kind of a rocky road, she was not happy when we told her about the baby. She's been an only child for so long, she was really worried about losing our attention and love. This will be my SO's first bio child, even though he has raised DD since she was a year and a half. I think part of DD's fear was that SO would love the baby more than her. We have had lots of conversations, and tried to include her in all the fun baby stuff. I think she's starting to come around. She seems more excited and even reads to the baby sometimes. As far as what I will do differently, I honestly have no idea. It's been so long, I can hardly remember what this was all like 10 years ago. I think i'll just play it by ear. The only thing i'm certain of is that i'm getting an epidural ASAP this time.

amieeyoung · September 2014

I am not registering- I never did with the first one and just told people general things to buy. I would like less things myself, but since hubs has a family member giving us baby furniture it will actually be more (I never had a changing table with the first but will this time). Glad to see so many mommies in the same boat

.

I'm sure sleep sacks were around, but I didn't really see many and it wasn't something that was a recommendation just another option then

I only get paid for sick leave days I have saved up, and it has taken me a long time to save up to have this little one, so probably the last. Unless something changes with that anyways.

majoraimers · September 2014

@aimeeyoung sleep sacks weren't a thing 10 years ago, that I recall either. I have 2 of them for this go-round. Great idea and safe. I do love some of the new products. Ease seems to be a theme. That and everything vibrates! Wtf?

ChastainMT · September 2014

My girls are 12.5 an 10 an my son is 8 they are all super excited. At first ds was disappointed that he is getting another sister but he's over it. I too will being expecting to have a lot more help with baby. I will be trying cloth diapers for the first time as well as sleep sacks. Other than that I don't plan on doing much else different.

MegsTactical · September 2014

My daughter will be 13 when her new little sister comes. She was not happy at first. It had just been her, and I for so long (single mom for a while). Now, she is getting used to the idea. I am constantly reassuring her that even though this baby will need attention, she will still be my girl, and I will always love her. This will be my boyfriend's first child. I had loaned out so many of my baby things (never to be returned :-P), that I am basically starting over again. I will still use a changing table, and diaper pail (they were both life savers before), but will be adding sleep sacks. I also got a glider/bouncer that is all in one and takes up so much less space than having both separately.

kwikwi8181 · September 2014

@kaylam714‌ my stepdaughter who is 6 also picked up talking like a baby this summer! It has to be because of the baby coming-but It is driving me mad. And no one can understand her so I either have to translate or call her out in front of everyone and tell her to talk like a big girl. At least it's not just us!

Kmm1023 · September 2014

Dd will be 8 when baby comes and is beyond excited!

jjgypsy · September 2014

My DS will be 11 in January & DD is 8. Both of my kids are very excited about having a new sibling. This is my first child with my new husband. I share custody with my ex husband so the biggest concern my kids have is baby being sad/missing them when they visit their dad. We've discussed their concerns & they seem to understand baby will be right here waiting when they get back.

Although we haven't gone yet, I plan to take them shopping so they can pick a few things for baby that will be just from them.

We have started a 100 day "meet baby" countdown chart & they take turns putting a sticker on the chart each day.

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amieeyoung · September 2014

Huh? Maybe sleep sacks were a bigger deal in different areas?

I am in the rural South so perhaps they are just now a big thing here. Haha

@ 3girlsnthepup- Seems like most of us find that we can bypass gimmcky things and are going to buy less. Id love to stay home, but I can see what you are saying about there being a difference in socialization for the little one. I'm sure you will do find and hopefully find a playgroup or perhaps a couple a day a week option (in my area there is a 1/2 day 2X a week option for those who stay at home so their kids can get use to being around others- maybe you could find something like that).

On a side note- I get confused looking at all the stuff now so I really feel for the first time moms out there!!

melaniejo527 · September 2014

My step-daughter will turn 17 a few weeks after the baby is born and my son will be almost 12. I think they are both excited, but are both nervous about how close they will be to a baby with that much of an age gap. My son has had a baby brother or sister on his Christmas list for the last 5 years, so he is pretty excited that he is actually getting one this year!

bowlwoman · September 2014

My girls are currently 7 and 6, but our 7 year old will turn 8 at the end of October. The girls were both thrilled that we were having another baby (they had been lobbying us for a baby for a good 6 months before I got pregnant), but DD1 wanted a baby brother and DD2 wanted a baby sister. So, when we found out we were having a boy, DD2 sulked and wasn't thrilled. She's coming around now, though, especially since she knows there's nothing she can do to change it now.

They are planning to help out as much as they can. We went to a sibling class about 3 weeks ago at the hospital where I'm going to deliver, and it was great for them to get a tour of the hospital, practice swadding/holding and just get a general idea of what life is going to be like. They're also broken out all their baby dolls and accoutrements and pretend they're having babies. It's so cute.

mzthang78 · September 2014

My oldest will be 17 and the youngest 13, and I feel out of touch also cause of things changing so much over the years

amieeyoung · September 2014

mzthang78 said:

My oldest will be 17 and the youngest 13, and I feel out of touch also cause of things changing so much over the years

Yep that is kind of how it feels...

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