I know, I know...another name post (long)

BabyBsOven · September 2014

Sorry this is long and I know name posts are getting old but Im not asking for name advice, I have a problem. DH and I are having twin boys and chose the names a while ago.

With DD, my dad passed away right before I got pregnant so DH and I agreed right away to use his name. Since DDs first name was from my family, DH got to chose DDs middle name and it was tense. He wouldn't sit down with me to research names, he wouldn't ask his family about family names and basically did nothing to find a name himself. Finally, I just threw out a name and he was like, "yea, that sounds fine." I was frustrated he wasn't taking it seriously. Finally, 2 days after DD was born, when the lady came by to get the name for the birth certificate, DHs dad was like, "DHs grandma was an awesome lady and DHs mom would be so touched if you used it." It was a great name! DH agreed and now we have a middle name but if he had just gone to his dad 5 months before, and done a tiny bit of work, we would've known so much sooner.

Now the deal is, I get to name Baby A and he gets to name Baby B. I've known for years that if I had a boy, I wanted Silas and Lee is a family name again so I chose Silas Lee. Heres where we get to the problem. DH hasn't done much research, again! One night I was like "Lets at least go over some names and you can say if you like them or not." He said he wants to honor his italian or irish heritage so I pulled up a list of gaelic names. Out of the 10 I read to him, he chose Kane and hasn't looked at anything since. Then we were on a road trip so I took the long drive as a chance to discuss middle names. He joked Tiberius since we had just seen Star Trek and theres a line in the beginning of the movie thats like "I shall name him after his father, Kirk Tiberius" and then they die. I was like whatever and we stopped talking about it again. He started telling people we were naming one boy Kane Tiberius as a joke to gauge reactions but I think DH slowly started to like it. He has actually done a lot of research on the name Tiberius now and likes that it was an emperor, its roman/italian so he feels it honors his background.

Heres my dilemma. Im trying to be okay with the name he chooses and not interfere because I get to chose my own names. To be fair, DH isn't too keen on Silas but he's not arguing. But the more I say Kane Tiberius, the more it sounds like something I'd name a great dane, not a child. I keep asking him "are you SURE you want that name? You don't want to look at anything else just in case?" but he's not interested. Im also frustrated because I feel like he took the first 2 things he liked and thinks he's done. It'd be one thing if he looked through hundreds of names and really like these 2 but he didn't. We've discussed maybe 20 names total and Kane Tiberius is what he's settled on. BUT, I don't want to try to talk him out of a name if he really likes it, regardless of what I think because its his choice. I don't want him to feel like I bullied him out of naming his own kid, since I named 2 of them already.

I guess my question is, should I keep bugging him to do more research and look for different names or should I just let it go, especially since he let my choice, Silas Lee, fly even though its not his favorite. Also, Im curious to hear y'alls opinions about both names.

MrsSarahRenee · September 2014

I would not approach naming children in that way (the he gets this kid and I get this one way). If you don't like his name, then I think you should give up yours that he doesn't like.
If you are both committed to this don't interfere, we name our babies separately stuff, then let him figure it out in his own time.

persephonerose · September 2014

I honestly could never give up input on my child's name. We are having twins as well and it took some work to find names we both loved.

I know I will be using the middle names frequently and you still have to fill them out on forms so if you really think it is going to be a constant issue for you in the future I would set down and be honest with him and see if you guys can come to some kind of accord.

Saragoeswest · September 2014

I think he's playing according to the rules you established.

Aarg · September 2014

I have no input on your situation, BUT I will say that I think both names are extremely unique!
Silas Lee and Kane Tiberius
They sound pretty awesome to me.

Cutiecruz327 · September 2014

I like both names. I think it's great he took the time to look into the name as well. Especially since him researching names was so important to you.

AppleGrapeMSTK · September 2014

I actually really like Tiberius. It was on our short list, and we only nixed it because Ti/Ty would be a natural nickname and DD has a biological brother named Ty. My mom joked that we should use Tiberius because DH is such a huge Star Trek fan- when I mentioned it was already on our list, she was embarrassed. It's not going to be everyone's favorite name, but it's not a bad name. I would only raise issue if it was Tiberius Kane because then you would have a Si and Ti, and that's too matchy, even for twins.

My DH has a different style when it comes to making decisions which always makes me feel as if he's just agreeing because he doesn't want to talk about it or as if he doesn't care. He really does care, but his lack of extensive research and waying the pros and cons like I do leaves a different impression.

With DS1, DH was insistent on Edwin, which I dislike, because it was a family name. I was OK with it, so long as it was a middle name. After much discussion regarding flow, it's my son's first name, though he goes by his middle name (which I picked). My kid is 2.5 and it's only now growing on me enough that I'll call him Edwin when he is in trouble. Sometimes you just need to compromise.

AmandaJean12 · September 2014

It sounds like you want the name you want, regardless of what he thinks about it, but you want him to only pick names you like.

Either you find names you both like, or you play by your own rules.

staryb · September 2014

I actually like both names. They are both unique without being to unusual. I think they sound good together but are still very distinctive on their own. It was kind of a risky move to split up the name choosing decision the way you did, you could have ended up with names that sounded awful together so really you kind of lucked out. If your H genuinely likes the name he picked then, by the rules you established, I think you have to let it go or risk loosing the name you love too. Maybe try ignoring the middle name a bit and just start thinking of them as Silas & Kane. I think the only other option is giving up both names and starting from scratch together. Good luck!

jesslinnn · September 2014

If you guys decided that you'd name one and he'd name one, then I'd let it go. It seems like he actually really does like the name if he's put research into it. It's not my style, but I don't think it's the worst name, especially it being the mn. FTR I think Silas and Kane work really well together.

BabyBsOven · September 2014

Thanks all. We would both definitely have veto power if either of us chose a name that was unbearable to the other but I think we are both just kind of indifferent to each others choice. Neither name, Kane or Tiberius, is something I will be bothered by in the future so I will let it go. I was annoyed that he wasn't looking into more names but you all are right, we have different research styles and he did put time into researching the background of the name Tiberius. I guess he just found something he liked before having to go through a million names like I do. Thanks for all your input!

MuffinMom14 · September 2014

I have nothing new to add other than our baby girl's middle name will be Caine. It's badass. We are using it because it was my maiden name and is now my middle name. But we entertained it for a first name for a boy. And middle names rarely get used, so.

BabyBsOven · September 2014

I love that spelling and love that it is your maiden name! I like that trend, using the maternal maiden name as a middle name for kids. Im big on family names

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