Did I jump the gun?

Jadewood88 · September 2014

Hi,

I am 7 weeks 5 days pregnant and it's my first. The hubby and I told all our friends and family the good news but a couple of people said it was a bit early to talk about it due to the higher risk of miscarriage in the first trimester. Now I feel a bit silly and it's made me worried. Should I have waited until my first scan? Has anyone else let the cat out of the bag early on?

BabiesEverywhere · September 2014

It is completely up to you when to tell people. I know some would like to wait because they don't want to have to go back and tell people if they miscarried. We prefer to tell our family & close friends because we would like their support if we miscarry. It is totally up to you. But I'm sorry people told you you should have waited. It's none of their business when you share your happy news! If it makes you feel any better, someone else probably would have been upset with you for waiting. People are silly like that.

BabiesEverywhere · September 2014

Also - you might be interested in this thread:

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12433640/how-far-along-are-you-have-you-told-everyone-yet/p1

sammy524 · September 2014

Don't beat yourself up over it! It is perfectly fine to tell anyone whenever you want to! No matter what you have a living baby in you and any and all form of life should be celebrated and enjoyed!

Flowerstar1023 · September 2014

I get so angry with the notion that one shouldn't talk about pregnancy until after the first trimester "lest something happen." It boils my blood.

With my first pregnancy, which ended in loss, I actually didn't tell anyone until after I knew it was ending in loss (ruptured ectopic) - because I felt isolated, angry, and terribly sad. Opening up helped. I think we do a HUGE disservice to women in our society by not making it socially acceptable to talk about early pregnancy - and a HUGE disservice to women who experience loss by making it seem that no one else goes through this since no one else talks about it.

If you're happy and excited about the pregnancy, then it's totally in your right to tell people. Hopefully all will go well - but even if it does end in a loss, would you prefer to grieve in isolation? We don't expect the same level of secrecy when someone's grandparent dies, even though that's common....I say good for you for being excited and putting it out there.

itshumpday · September 2014

We told our family and very close friends shortly after we found out. I have a few friends who have had miscarriages and they agree that if something does happen, you'll want those close to you to know anyway. You'll need that support. So many women go through it alone.

4N6s · September 2014

It's up to you. Most miscarriages happen within the first trimester.
If you have a miscarriage, it's just more questions to answer.

redneckmomma25 · September 2014

I announced early with both pregnancies. Earlier with my first, I honestly had no idea the higher m/c rates in first tri. I was really not informed. I waited until I saw a heart beat at 6w5d to announce this time. I guess for me, I would be ok if I needed to say I lost the pregnancy. I am a pretty open person and I would want the support. So I'm ok with the risk of telling early. Some people aren't and that is just fine as well.

I don't think there is a right or wrong and I don't think anyone should tell you that you shouldn't have announced so early. People have opinions on everything. Does not mean they should share them.

jerry20 · September 2014

I totally let the cat out of the bag also!! I was scared after I found out we're "not supposed" and "should wait" but truthfully if you're taking care of yourself everything will be good and you'll have the support! This is where I should take my advice but it's always scary! But congrats!!!

ebstar2 · September 2014

I agree with the people saying that you should be able to talk about your pregnancy at any time. There are always things that could happen and yes the risk is higher in the first trimester, but are we just supposed to pretend that miscarried pregnancies never happened and "suck it up" so that we don't talk about it and make other people uncomfortable??

I told everyone early with my first 2 pregnancies. With my 3rd it was the first time that I was scheduled for an early u/s because my dr changed their protocol so we thought it would be fun to wait until after 8 weeks so that we could use the u/s picture. I miscarried just before the ultrasound and I hadn't told anyone, not even my mom. I felt like I had to just pick up and keep going with my regular daily routine and not "bother" anyone with my loss since it was "only at 8 weeks" and it seemed like that was supposed to be no big deal. But it certainly felt like a big deal. I ended up being depressed for like a year and I had a very hard time dealing with it. With my next pgs I have told at least a few important people so that I have someone to share the 1st trimester experience with and so that there are people who will know and who will grieve with me if it happens to end up in a loss.

I think you have to do what works for you but I would NEVER recommend for someone to keep it totally to themselves after my experience. Tell SOMEONE.

Melissa58 · September 2014

We told everyone at 4 weeks! Just minutes after I tested positive. I know that my friends and family appreciate me sharing this very monumental event with them.

marybeth05 · September 2014

It's a personal choice.
We are waiting until I'm 12 weeks to share the news- even with family.
I had a miscarriage last year and was so grateful I had not shared the news. I'm a super private person and preferred to deal with the loss privately with my husband. Not everyone is like that- many would prefer to have the support of family/friends.
Don't let anyone make you feel bad for when you chose to share the news.

picklesx · September 2014

jerry20 said:
I totally let the cat out of the bag also!! I was scared after I found out we're "not supposed" and "should wait" but truthfully if you're taking care of yourself everything will be good and you'll have the support! This is where I should take my advice but it's always scary! But congrats!!!

Meh. I know you probably didn't mean it this way, but the way you phrased this makes it sound like you think that women only miscarry because they didn't "take care of" themselves and that it's preventable and their fault if they do lose the pregnancy...which is obviously 100% untrue.

Like I said, I understand you probably didn't mean it that way, but your choice of words rubs me the wrong way.

jackieanddan1989 · September 2014

It is completely 100% YOUR decision when to announce! We personally waited because I am kind of a private person when talking about these kind of things, but there are no "rules" about when you're allowed to discuss with your own friends and family. If, heaven forbid, anything did go wrong, and you're really close with your family, maybe you would rather have that support instead of having to keep it hush-hush. Like PPs said it is ridiculous that there is this stigma that women "aren't supposed" to talk about our early pregnancies. That is up to you!

I agree with previous posters that it's kind of a dick move to tell someone they shouldn't have told yet. All you should be hearing from your friends and family is "congratulations", not personal commentary on what they would be doing differently if it were them

My SIL told us she was pregnant at 6 weeks and nobody said anything like that

purple_2012 · September 2014

We've announced to family and some close friends. We won't go public with it until after our first scan next week. I wasn't going to tell the family until after my first US, but it was so hard to keep the exciting news of a new family member in. So I told most of them around 6 weeks. I haven't had any problems so far, but I'm still nervous for my US and having to un-tell people. But, I'm a pretty open person and would hate to grieve alone.

mtothep · September 2014

It's totally up to you. We're waiting, but one of my close friends told everyone right away.

amt725 · September 2014

Everyone is entitled to tell whomever whenever! We told a few close family members and friends after the dr told us our EDD but will wait two more weeks until were out of first tri to announce it to everyone else.

ally3242 · September 2014

We shared with immediate family (and then my father inlaw blabbed to his siblings and their kids) and a few very close friends that we spend a good amount of time with. However, we've decided until 12 weeks to share with everyone else. It's a personal decision to decide when to share. Dont let someone else make you feel terrible for sharing your exciting news.

jedimindtrick · September 2014

To each their own. When it comes to stuff like this I don't think there is a "should." If you feel comfortable that's all that matters.
Personally I have told about 6 people mine and H's immediate families and a few friends. I thought "if I miscarried tomorrow who would I want to discuss it with" and they are the people I told. Because I would need them for support in case of miscarriage. But I'm waiting til 12 wks to go public.

Edit: grammar

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