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January 2013 Moms
MRSVELA07
member
Infidelity Hurts....
MRSVELA07
member
I have not been present over the past several months due to a lot of personal matters but now I'm ready to reach out for more support.
When my son turned 15 months I knew something had to change between my husband and I. As a new working mom I was spending so much time adjusting and trying not to feel guilty about being forced to go back to work that began I resenting my husband, this was communicated prior to going back to work and with our therapist at the time. March 2014 I requested to change my schedule to have one half day Friday a month to get dolled up for the hubby (hair, nails, makeup, new outfit, etc). A couple weeks before my birthday, Mother's Day and our anniversary I find out that my husband has been seeing another woman who also happens to be his coworker. This tramp knew he was married with a child and continued to see him. To say the least...I'm broken! While he sees me trying to repair our marriage he's out sharing his attention with another woman. They began texting in January and started seeing each other in April (kissing, touching, bar hopping, etc) I was told by both parties that no sex took place, however I still got tested anyway. So we physically separate for a few weeks. In the beginning of June I lose my job. As much of a financial hardship I thought it would be I was elated to spend one on one time with my son, not to mention during the summer months! So hubby and I are dealing with our situation the best way we know how then on June 20th I stumble upon another woman my husband was having an unprotected sexual relationship with for 3 years! After having a nice long civilized conversation with this other woman I find out that he's telling her that he divorced me months ago. This woman thought I was out of the picture and had no clue our son even existed. Devastation sets in and I feel like my world has been ripped right from under me. Over half of my marriage was built on a lie and me having the choice of staying/leaving was taken from me when my husband chose to not tell me. What I thought was going to be a decent summer turned out to be an emotional roller coaster that I could not get off of. So now my husband is no longer living here and I'm leaning towards filing for a legal separation. His mom still watches our son on Mon and Tues however I feel a great sense of animosity when I pick/drop off my son. To be honest with you I couldn't care less but it does make things a little awkward, especially with the holiday season approaching. The way I see it, you make your bed now sleep in it!
Does anyone have any light they can shine on my situation? I started my new job on the 25th so now I'm starting to feel a little more normal but when I come home reality sets in. I could be a single mother, not that there's anything wrong with that. It's not what I wanted for myself. I wanted more children and that might not happen!
When my son turned 15 months I knew something had to change between my husband and I. As a new working mom I was spending so much time adjusting and trying not to feel guilty about being forced to go back to work that began I resenting my husband, this was communicated prior to going back to work and with our therapist at the time. March 2014 I requested to change my schedule to have one half day Friday a month to get dolled up for the hubby (hair, nails, makeup, new outfit, etc). A couple weeks before my birthday, Mother's Day and our anniversary I find out that my husband has been seeing another woman who also happens to be his coworker. This tramp knew he was married with a child and continued to see him. To say the least...I'm broken! While he sees me trying to repair our marriage he's out sharing his attention with another woman. They began texting in January and started seeing each other in April (kissing, touching, bar hopping, etc) I was told by both parties that no sex took place, however I still got tested anyway. So we physically separate for a few weeks. In the beginning of June I lose my job. As much of a financial hardship I thought it would be I was elated to spend one on one time with my son, not to mention during the summer months! So hubby and I are dealing with our situation the best way we know how then on June 20th I stumble upon another woman my husband was having an unprotected sexual relationship with for 3 years! After having a nice long civilized conversation with this other woman I find out that he's telling her that he divorced me months ago. This woman thought I was out of the picture and had no clue our son even existed. Devastation sets in and I feel like my world has been ripped right from under me. Over half of my marriage was built on a lie and me having the choice of staying/leaving was taken from me when my husband chose to not tell me. What I thought was going to be a decent summer turned out to be an emotional roller coaster that I could not get off of. So now my husband is no longer living here and I'm leaning towards filing for a legal separation. His mom still watches our son on Mon and Tues however I feel a great sense of animosity when I pick/drop off my son. To be honest with you I couldn't care less but it does make things a little awkward, especially with the holiday season approaching. The way I see it, you make your bed now sleep in it!
Does anyone have any light they can shine on my situation? I started my new job on the 25th so now I'm starting to feel a little more normal but when I come home reality sets in. I could be a single mother, not that there's anything wrong with that. It's not what I wanted for myself. I wanted more children and that might not happen!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Infidelity Hurts....
I am so, so sorry you are going through this. While my marriage has had it's ups and downs this part year, I can't imagine going through what you are. You are one strong woman! My honest advice would be to do what is best for you and your son now, which sounds like keeping your husband out of your life as much as possible. If he was hiding all of that from you for 3 years - I don't think there's a chance that trust can be restored OR that he should have the honor of being with you! I know you want other children but you deserve to find an honest, loving man to share that beautiful journey with. And I can't help but think being a single mom to one child and looking forward to a positive future might not be so bad. Before we went to counseling I had that thought in my head a few times, and the thought of the bright future made me confident I could do it for myself and my son.
Best of luck to you and your sweet boy - you have us to lean on for support anytime through your journey!
BFP #1: 05/2012 DS born 12/30/12
BFP #2: 02/2014 Natural M/C 03/2014 @ 7 weeks
BFP #3: 06/2014 EDD: 02/17/2015 M/C @ 7w2d, D&E 7/15/14
IVF FET - BFP, due April 2017
Secondly, being a single mom is tough, I know because I am one. I never thought I would be in this situation. I certainly get sad sometimes wondering if I'll ever have more kids but I a blessed to have DS. It's hard to get out when no one else is around to watch DS. Do you have a strong support system close by to help? I don't know what I'd do without my parents. They watch C whenever he's sick or I have to work late but they live a few hours away so I have to plan as much as I can. It's hard but you can do it!
I found out 8 months ago that DH cheated on me and it's been really really hard - definitely the hardest thing I've ever gone through. Cheating was just a symptom of the dysfunction going on. He was lazy, irritable, smoked pot multiple times a day, had anger issues, and acted like he was doing me a favor if he ever helped out with DS. I left for 2 months, and when I say left I mean I left to the other side of the country (where my family is) and gave him time to think about what life was going to be like without us. Fortunately he decided to get his act together. We are currently working on things and there is hope that things could be reconciled but there is also the possibility that it won't. However, I do know that it takes two to make a marriage succeed or fail and I am making sure that I address my issues so that I will have a healthy relationship moving forward (with or without DH).
I'm doing individual therapy, we're doing couples counseling, we're reading lots of books, I just got a great part time job with room to grow if I need to increase to FT (I have been a SAHM up until this month), I'm making time to establish healthy outside relationships, working out regularly and eating healthy. DH is making a lot of changes too. He's been sober since a week after we left (about 4 months ago) and he really is a different person sober. He is becoming more of the man I envisioned him when we got married. He's become very involved with DS, he's considerate of me and my needs, he's respecting me as an individual, and being patient with me as we figure out how to deal with all this. We also are able to communicate in a respectful way around DS. In my case, I have to give my marriage another try. We are actively trying to grow in the areas that have contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. And we are providing a healthy environment for DS. This has been the HARDEST situation I've ever been through but I can also say that the there has been so much growth. They say character is reveled through the trials of life. I'm sorry you are going through this but hope that something good will come of it.
I do have to say, if DH continued in his unacceptable behavior and not been so willing to making changes I would be moving on because it would be best for me and for DS.
In the 2 months that I was gone I got a glimpse of what life was going to be like as a single mom, it's definitely not the easy road and having a strong support system is really important.
Also, one of the best books I've read during this time is Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend.
Wishing you and your LO the best.
Sorry for the novel and any grammatical errors - it's late :0