I need some support

Dawn5481 · August 2014

Let me preface this by saying I have had a long history of depression/anxiety, so the second I found out I was pregnant, I told my OB to watch me like a hawk. Started meds today, so I'm already seeking help. I have always wanted babies. It floored me when I felt disconnected during this pregnancy without any definable reason. I thought it would change the second she was out, but I still don't feel connected to her. I'm sure this is somewhat normal during the first few weeks, especially with sleep deprivation, but I feel like a horrible mother. I've also had breast feeding issues from day 2-3, and now I'm not really producing at all. Big thanks to my insurance company for not covering a lactation consultant. This has really taken its toll on me too, as I really wanted to be able to bf for the benefits to the baby AND my empty pocket book. Definitely didn't help with feeling a bond with her either. LO is beautiful and healthy, and I should be thanking my lucky stars I have her. Instead I'm ambivalent and feel like an *sshole. Anyway, if anyone has any words of encouragement and/or suggestions for the bonding issue, I'd greatly appreciate it. STMs, if you've had bf issues before, what kind of things do you do to replace that connection with your child? Sorry for the woe is me post. TIA

Dawn5481 · August 2014

Sorry for the lack of paragraphs. Mobile.

Barefoot84 · August 2014

For breastfeeding support, I'm fairly certain that the Ligue de la Leche offers free consultations in the United States to all new mothers. Here's the link: https://www.llli.org/webus.html

Also, the Website https://kellymom.com/ offers excellent advice.

Have you tried doing some skin to skin with your baby? That really helped me bond with my DD, as well as massages. I didn't quite know what I was doing, but she loved when I would rub her feet, legs and belly with baby massage oil.

I probably should have started with this, but do not feel like a horrible mother. Those first few weeks are HARD and that connection doesn't always come at birth. You'll love that little girl like you can't even imagine soon.

Allison7 · August 2014

I wouldn't stress too much about the bf. I am actually looking forward to being able to pump and have DH feel LO a bottle. While mine is doing well at bf (now), I think it will be nice that DH will be able to share in feeding her. And the first few days LO tore up my nipples, so I was not looking forward to each feeding! And if you can't end up bf your little one, don't sweat it. My MIL used formula with all of her kids and they are all normal. If bf is giving you anxiety, then formula might be what is best for you are your baby. I believe in to each his own!

As for everything else you are feeling, congrats to you for getting the help you need! I think there are many, many moms out there that don't feel an instant connection, but feel guilty admitting it. Your bond will grow over time as your baby can do more and show more of their personality.

KittyMisha · August 2014

I didn't feel much of a connection to my first at all for several months. She was an extremely fussy baby, and cried all the time while rarely sleeping. We did what needed to be done and played with her and interacted, but time without her was such a relief that I looked forward to going back to work just to get out of the house. But even with the most difficult babies, that phase passes eventually. Once she calmed down and her personality started to peak through, around 8 months old, that's when I really started to feel close to her. Now as a toddler we're extremely close and she's one of my favorite people in the world.

The bond will come with time to get to know each other. And you've already started in the right direction by looking for help. Good luck!

Cat&S · August 2014

I hope you feel better!

As far as BFing, don't beat yourself up if you can't, but there should be free LC help somewhere. Check the hospital you delivered in, the ped office, and La Leche League.

Dawn5481 · August 2014

Thank you very much for all the kind words. It makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one who has felt like this. The pediatrician also made me feel better this morning. Today was our 2 week checkup. At birth LO weighed 7# 3oz and was 17 inches long.. Before we left the hospital, her weight had dropped to 6# 8oz. She is now 7# 6oz and a little over 19 inches long! So, despite the breast feeding woes, doctor said I'm doing a really good job with her. I think little things like this are what I need to boost my confidence.

tamarar5 · August 2014

Great thoughts above! I just wanted to add if you do need to formula feed, look into WIC (Women, Infants, and Children). They will cover part, if not all formula for a month to ensure that all women and children get proper nutrition. You could see if you qualify.

Good luck, Mama! We have all been there at some point.

ErnieZippy · September 2014

You're not alone! My LO is 6 wks and I found that I've been so pre-occupied with the basics like feeding/changing/soothing/putting him to bed before he got overtired, that I haven't had the time or energy to just 'be' with him. I have finally started to relax now that we have the basics a bit more under control and have been spending some time just holding him and kissing him. Would recommend it, I feel a lot more connected / loving towards him now.

I need some support

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