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Parenting
Need help RE: my 1st grader
I've posted on here before about behavior issues that DS1 has had in preschool and Kindergarten. It's generally that he gets distracted very easily. He's a very social child and has trouble focusing on his work when there are other things going on. We got this email from his teacher this morning:
Good Morning,
I’ve decided to modify Vincent’s behavior chart a little. I’ve attached the new copy for you to take a look at. I’ve changed some subjects around so they are in order of how we do them during the day, and I’ve added a section for hallway and restroom.
Vincent is still really struggling to focus and follow directions. I tried to have him sit with a positive peer group, but this proved to be too much for Vincent’s concentration. I then tried to put a positive peer at his table, but this was too much of a distraction for Vincent as well. I have a peer helping Vincent unpack in the morning and pack up in the afternoon. I just started this yesterday, so I want to wait a few more days to see if this is successful.
Please let me know if you have any questions, or want to talk.
Thank you for all your support!
DH and I have talked and talked to him about trying to focus on his work and trying to block out the distractions. He told me last night that "it's hard to concentrate because people are talking." I don't know if this is completely true or if it's an excuse.
I would really love to hear any experiences with this type of thing or any suggestions for things that DH and I can do at home to help him with this. Also, if you have any ideas we could present to his teacher that would be great too. We are just at a loss on how to help him from home. He's such a sweet and smart little boy. It just breaks my heart that we're dealing with this again.
Good Morning,
I’ve decided to modify Vincent’s behavior chart a little. I’ve attached the new copy for you to take a look at. I’ve changed some subjects around so they are in order of how we do them during the day, and I’ve added a section for hallway and restroom.
Vincent is still really struggling to focus and follow directions. I tried to have him sit with a positive peer group, but this proved to be too much for Vincent’s concentration. I then tried to put a positive peer at his table, but this was too much of a distraction for Vincent as well. I have a peer helping Vincent unpack in the morning and pack up in the afternoon. I just started this yesterday, so I want to wait a few more days to see if this is successful.
Please let me know if you have any questions, or want to talk.
Thank you for all your support!
DH and I have talked and talked to him about trying to focus on his work and trying to block out the distractions. He told me last night that "it's hard to concentrate because people are talking." I don't know if this is completely true or if it's an excuse.
I would really love to hear any experiences with this type of thing or any suggestions for things that DH and I can do at home to help him with this. Also, if you have any ideas we could present to his teacher that would be great too. We are just at a loss on how to help him from home. He's such a sweet and smart little boy. It just breaks my heart that we're dealing with this again.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need help RE: my 1st grader
Absolutely!! Medication is a last resort and it's need is determined by a medical doctor. What the teacher appears to be doing (I'm a teacher) is trying to use role models of other "positive" students. That works for some, but is clearly not working for your child. She should abandon that idea entirely. Behavior charts don't always work, either. If it's not working after the new changes, she should abandon that, too. She should be using her school support staff (psychologist or social worker) for ideas and requesting a Functional Behavioral Assessment. That's simply where the school psychologist or social worker observes the student and assesses their needs, if any. There is usually a parent questionnaire to fill out, too. Usually, the first step in implementing an intervention is called a BIP (behavior intervention plan), which is what a behavior chart is. There are many, many different types of BIPs, but really, your child should be observed first. It's hard to say what will work without knowing the child. I would discuss having the psychologist do an observation and getting their input. Just know that NOTHING should be
done without your knowledge and informed consent.
ETA fixed a hot mess of a response.
DS is in 3rd grade now. He'd been forgetting things at school over the years like his lunch bag, water bottle, and last year, he lost 3 hooded sweatshirts. He had more difficulty than others in his class with staying on task and getting things done. He would also blurt out in class and wanted to make others laugh. In 2nd grade, he started working with the social worker at school twice a month to help with the blurting and class clowning. We also made a list of items to do when he gets to school ie turn in folder, put backpack away, etc. and a list at the end of the day before leaving. Despite this, he wasn't improving much.
In the spring of 2nd grade, we began to see a social worker to help with classroom issues. It helped a tiny bit, but not much. She referred us to a pyschiatrist who diagnosed DS with ADHD (inattentive), but the blurting is impulse control so it really may be a combination.
He began taking generic concerta about 2 mo ago. It is a stimulant and thankfully, the only side effect he's only had is a bit of appetite suppression. It has not made him into a zombie. The meds help him stay on task much better. He's only flipped a card once this year (school has been in session for a few weeks). At home, he's easier to parent because he gets things done the 1st time I ask as opposed to having to tell him repeatedly. Before meds, he'd go upstairs after dinner to shower, brush teeth, and go to the bathroom. 30 minutes would pass and he's only gone to the bathroom because he "got distracted". On meds, he completes one task and moves onto the next seamlessly.
In the meantime, perhaps having something to keep his hands busy would help him, at least at his desk. I had one student who likes having sandpaper taped under his desk. No one else knew it was there but he could sot and rub it when he needed his hands to be doing something. It helped a lot.
Married DH 7/30/11
CSC arrived 5/7/12
CHC arrived 6/2/14
That's a great starting point! Sounds like your kiddo has a great support team at home! Good luck!
I can't comment on the ADHD and other medical diagnosis. But, as a mom of a boy, we've gone through a similar problem. There are a couple of things working against you. 1) his bad boy behavior has gotten him a reputation and unfortunately, that can continue all the way to middle school unless you stop it now. I feel like the teacher expects him to be bad because of what she's heard from kindergarten and he hasn't really had a chance to show his ability (and be rewarded for it). 2) you don't have enough information.
how is he at home ? We had major behavioral problems with DS1 in Kinder. We tried everything and it was exhausting. Finally, I went to the principal for help and told the school to call me when he did something and I'd leave work and come to the school myself to deal with it.
Ultimately, DH and I found his kryptonite. The kid loved getting rewarded for good behavior through the day. He came home with a daily number of his behavior that day in the classroom. Good behavior he earned $1 and bad behavior he had to pay us $1. Worked awesomely.
I also added in dropping him to the playground 15 minutes early before school starts to get him more free play and exercise. They're boys and they can't sit still and quite frankly, he may be bored with what the teacher is teaching.
Besides meeting with the teacher, is there any way you can go into the classroom and observe yourself? You know him best and it will give you more information of what's going on. You may also suggest that instead of the peer that he actually be rewarded and pushed toward becoming more independent. Like reward him for things he does on his own and making good decisions himself. We also reiterated to DS1 that classroom was for listening and paying attention and playground was for running around.
Lastly, we slowed down after school. I worked on his diet and getting him to bed early and on the same schedule every day.
He's fine at home. I don't see any behaviors that concern me when he's with us. When we went to "meet the teacher" night, the first thing DH did was talk to the teacher about the issues we had last year. In hindsight maybe we should have just let her come to us to tell us if she noticed any issues. That being said, the behavior chart he had in Kindergarten was getting carried over to First Grade anyways, so she would have talked to the Kindergarten teacher.
I'm absolutely not trying to make excuses for him or ignore that there could be something more here. Last night after dinner, I sat with him at the table and he did his homework very quickly and did it well. We also went over his behavior chart for yesterday and talked about each situation where he did not get a "smiley" (although he did reach his goal and got his reward for the day.) We talked a lot about when it's time to play (recess, gym, etc) and when it's time to work. We talked about the specific times of day (first thing in the morning, packing up, restrooms and hallways) and talked about how best to handle ourselves during those times.
He wants very badly for everyone to be happy with him and proud of him. She sent us another email today that said "Vincent is trying very hard today. I have him sitting with the positive peer group and I'm hoping he can make a 'home' there." I know he's trying which is why this is breaking my heart.
DH had also emailed her yesterday asking for any other suggestions and this is the response we got:
"I totally agree that Vincent is an intelligent little boy that tries his hardest to please! I have encountered students with Vincent's troubles in my classroom before. Often times the impulsivity, distractibility, and trouble focusing was something that the students were not able to control. I'm wondering if this is the case with Vincent. I think that following up with your pediatrician is an excellent idea because if it is something Vincent can't control he/she would be the next step in getting to the bottom of the behaviors. I've had situation when the pediatrician has sent home forms or questionnaires for me to fill out regarding behavior in the classroom. I'd be happy to do that for Vincent if he/she recommends this."