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NWMR: My neighbors house is falling apart- WWYD

sweetsunnycsweetsunnyc member
in Working Moms
I live in a decent, moderately priced neighborhood- It's not upscale by any means. I would say the the average home price is in the mid 200's. We do not have an HOA in the neighborhood, but people own their houses for the most part and take pride in keeping their homes and lawns really nice. 
Except for my neighbor on the right. Her siding is literally falling off of her house and it looks terrible. There is not much space between the houses, so I see her awful siding every time that I am in my yard or I open my daughters blinds. The neighbor herself is a total weirdo- she lives in the home with her teenage son and I rarely see them- and when I do, she won't make eye contact. I think that she's embarrassed. FWIW- it looks like the siding is just really, really poor quality and I would think that she could contact the company that sold it to her and file a complaint.  
Anyways, I do take pride in my house and I find it embarrassing when we have company over that they have to look at that when we're sitting outside. I get that she's a single mom and I know that siding is extremely expensive, but I would like to have a conversation about it with her. We also plan on putting our house on the market at some point and this would look really bad. 
How would you handle a conversation like this? Or should I even have a conversation with her. Please tell me if I sound like a B**ch. My dad thinks I should file a complaint with the city, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do. WWYD?
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Re: NWMR: My neighbors house is falling apart- WWYD

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Team MYOB.  

    As much as people hate HOAs, this is one of the times they come in handy.  You could complain to the city but there is probably not much they can do.  I doubt falling siding fall under an ordinance.

    I get that it sucks and gives a bad impression but it isn't your house.  Unless you offer to pay to fix it, what can you really say?  
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  • newenglander71newenglander71 member
    Totally MYOB.  And this woman you don't know, you think she's not making eye contact because she's embarrassed about her house?  I think you might be projecting a bit. 
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  • IrishTravelerIrishTraveler member
    In our last neighborhood, there was an HOA. One of the homes had a dented and very nearly collapsed garage door. Several people complained on the neighborhood FB group even though the HOA really couldn't do anything about it. Someone volunteered to ask her about it (someone who knew her), and it turned out she was a single mom in a tight financial situation. We drove through the neighborhood the other day. It's still in disrepair. MYOB. Chances are she just doesn't have the funds to fix it.
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  • CarrieB.CarrieB. member
    The previous owners of our home put in a really terrible fence and didn't sink all the posts in concrete. After a few years, the fence started bowing out over the sidewalk. It was an eyesore and someone complained to the city, and they told us we had to fix it. I was annoyed about the whole thing, but we fixed it.

    But if some stranger had knocked on my door and told me my fence looked bad, I would have told them to go F themselves. It took us 2 years after tearing down the old fence to save up the money to get a new one put up.
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  • mlee116mlee116 member
    Also Team MYOB.  

    The lady who lives across the street from us is similar to your neighbor.  There's usually crap all over her porch and in her yard, unless she finally cuts her grass.  And her garage door has been broken for awhile and there's a tarp hanging over it.  However, I would never in one million years say anything about it.  I don't know her business or why she hasn't fixed it.  Besides, I barely know her and I'd hate for one the first times I spoke to her it would be about something so embarrassing.
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  • mittensonkittensmittensonkittens member
    The only way I would mention it would be if I was offering to send DH over on a Saturday to fix it for her. Otherwise, don't bring it up.
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  • minirellaminirella member
    edited September 2014
    You can try the city but I doubt you'll have much luck. Even with an HOA, you may not have luck. We had a neighbor 2 houses down get foreclosed on - twice. When they moved out, they took all of their food, trash, and other crap just threw it on the back porch. After about 2 weeks in the Texas heat, the entire block smelled disgusting and I think every fly in Texas had migrated to our street. Guess who cleaned it up? It wasn't the HOA, the City (both told me on several occasions that they'd leave the owner a note), or the bank (the guy I talked to thought it was funny). It was me and the neighbor. THREE months later the bank sent out a real estate rep to check the place out. I'll have to see if I still have the pictures, if I do, I'll post them later.

    The house next to my dad is for sale (the bank owns it after our neighbor died and his daughter took out a second mortgage on it). The roof caved in a few years ago and it is full of feral animals. The only thing the city will do is go out and put out traps.

    Maybe you should talk to her, not just about her siding but at least say "hi" and get to know who you live next door to.
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  • PSU_TexanPSU_Texan member
    I think it would be a very nice gesture to offer to help.  Many of us take for granted that we have husbands and they are handy at fixing things.  If she is a single mom, she doesn't have that or probably the money.  And you could spin it as it's coming up on fall and winter and you wanted to offer the help so her home stays insulated and warm. 
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  • Mustardseed2007Mustardseed2007 member
    MarlaSinger& said:
    sweetsunnyc said:
    Ok- everyone is right. I need to MYOB- Or offer her a solution to help out. Now I feel bad. Maybe I could see if my dad could help her out- he's a total handy man and may be able to fix things temporarily. Even though I hate to get flamed, I do appriciate the honesty.

    Seriously, kudos.  Most people hate being told they are in the wrong and they get defensive.

    If your dad is handy, it would be a nice gesture to offer to help.

    I agree (with both comments).


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  • justjinnyjustjinny member
    I'd agree with trying to get more of a relationship with your neighbor.  She may need help - I couldn't imagine how hard it is to maintain basic upkeep on a house alone, much less coordinate with contractors and shell out money to get work done.

    The only times we've mentioned maintenance issues to our neighbors, DH has offered to help.  It's never been anything big - mostly just trimming dead branches overhanging our driveway (about to fall on our cars) and clearing their overgrown brush that was making issues with getting in near our garage.  We do hang out with these neighbors on occasion though, so there's some friendly relationship already established.  
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  • jcwinstojcwinsto member
    It may just be a bad install job.  Siding shouldn't just fall off a house.  Maybe enough nails weren't put in or maybe the bottom wasn't snapped in to place.  If you do offer YH or dad to help fix it it might be an easy job.  Even if the siding is falling apart there is probably a way to rig it so it looks better and does at least a little protection.  Liquid Nails works wonders.  Do a little research on how siding is installed.  It's not too difficult.
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  • PSU_TexanPSU_Texan member

    I know I'm lucky that I have a handy husband.  But it can backfire, he'd rather be putzing around on a project that he thinks is of upmost importance than helping with other home/kid activities.  It's hard to get mad at him when he's not being lazy.  We just don't agree on what is mandatory :)

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  • mae0111mae0111 member
    When I was in my 20's, I bought a house with my ex-FI.  He moved out 6 weeks after we closed, and never paid a penny toward the mortgage I was stuck with.

    Suddenly, I had to manage this house all on my own.  I didn't even own a lawnmower, and I didn't have the funds to buy one. 

    A local landscaper offered to mow the lawn once a week for $20.  It was a lot for me to pay, but I didn't feel like I had any other option. 

    One day, my neighbor came over and pointed to a small area of the yard that had gotten a bit overgrown (in a rock wall... I thought it looked pretty neat...). As I was pulling out of my driveway to go work my 2nd job, he told me that I should stop "going out with my friends" and "take care of my house".  He certainly didn't offer to help.

    Just to reiterate what others have said, you don't know her situation.  Get to know her, and maybe, eventually, offer help.
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  • MommyAttyMommyAtty member
    I have a neighbor like this, but I do know her situation. She's lived in the house for about 30 years and now lives there with her elderly mother. My DH lived in the neighborhood as a teenager, and this house was a showplace. Nicest house in the neighborhood, and she was apparently quite the bitch about telling everyone how her house was "the quality house". Then her husband left her. Now the house looks like crap. There's a huge hole in the side that we watch squirrels climb in and out of. While it's easy to say "MYOB", when you're the one who has to look at this, and deal with mosquitos that are breeding in their green algae-covered pool, and know that you will have to sell your house in the summer so the ivy covers up the big hole in the side of the house, it's not that easy. Oh, and we had her overgrown trees cut back because her carpenter ants had invaded my children's bedrooms because her trees were touching our house. So frankly, if you can't afford your house, sell it and move. I wish she had when she got divorced because I cannot imagine anyone buying it now.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    edited September 2014
    MommyAtty said:

    So frankly, if you can't afford your house, sell it and move.

    Oh, yes. This is just so easy to do.

    ETA- I get why you're aggravated. But isn't always that simple. It sucks for all involved- homeowner and neighbors.
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  • emberlee3emberlee3 member
    Befriend her if you want to be friends with her. MYOB about her house.
    DS born 8/8/09 and DD born 6/12/12.
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  • minirellaminirella member

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  • minirellaminirella member
    Well, I tried to post a picture but I guess I don't know how and my computer is wonky and I can't get it to show me the text box to edit.
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  • ss+elss+el member
    MarlaSinger& said:
    sweetsunnyc said:
    Ok- everyone is right. I need to MYOB- Or offer her a solution to help out. Now I feel bad. Maybe I could see if my dad could help her out- he's a total handy man and may be able to fix things temporarily. Even though I hate to get flamed, I do appriciate the honesty.

    Seriously, kudos.  Most people hate being told they are in the wrong and they get defensive.

    If your dad is handy, it would be a nice gesture to offer to help.

    Ditto! Also, I don't think your original post was even flame-worthy. You presented yourself maturely and acknowledged that your thoughts might come off as b****y.
     
    After reading the response above mine, it occurred to me - are you sure she's a homeowner and not a renter? Also, you say she doesn't make eye contact. Would it be easier to talk to the son if you see him outside? "Hey, would you and your mom like some help reattaching that siding? I'd hate to think of the cold air seeping in once we get into fall. I think my dad can manage it."
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  • sweetsunnycsweetsunnyc member
    ss+el said:
    MarlaSinger& said:
    sweetsunnyc said:
    Ok- everyone is right. I need to MYOB- Or offer her a solution to help out. Now I feel bad. Maybe I could see if my dad could help her out- he's a total handy man and may be able to fix things temporarily. Even though I hate to get flamed, I do appriciate the honesty.

    Seriously, kudos.  Most people hate being told they are in the wrong and they get defensive.

    If your dad is handy, it would be a nice gesture to offer to help.

    Ditto! Also, I don't think your original post was even flame-worthy. You presented yourself maturely and acknowledged that your thoughts might come off as b****y.
     
    After reading the response above mine, it occurred to me - are you sure she's a homeowner and not a renter? Also, you say she doesn't make eye contact. Would it be easier to talk to the son if you see him outside? "Hey, would you and your mom like some help reattaching that siding? I'd hate to think of the cold air seeping in once we get into fall. I think my dad can manage it."
    She is the homeowner. When we moved in to the neighborhood about 5 years ago, there were renters living there. At that time, you could see the siding was uneven and sliding down in parts, but it had not fallen yet. She moved back in about two years ago. First she tried to sell the house, but couldn't (I imagine because of the repair issues) so she and her son have been there ever since. That's a good idea about talking with her son- We live in a small town and he works at the grocery store, so we're friendly enough that we say hi when we see each other.I think I will approach him about it. I talked with my dad and he said he could at least re-attach some of the lower pieces that have not completely fallen off yet.
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  • operaghostoperaghost member
    I'd try calling the city and complain. They may not be able to do anything, but who knows. My next-door neighbor's house is a complete eyesore and he keeps all kinds of junk in his yard. DH and I have called the city on him more times than we can count.
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  • KatelobsterKatelobster member
    edited September 2014
    I live in a 100 yr old urban neighborhood where about 30% of the homes on my street are rentals. No HOA.  I've called the city on a number of the rental homes and have no qualms about doing that.... including having the city force my next door neighbor (slumlord) to cut down a dying tree that cost him $5,000 after it dropped a limb on my house.

    But I've never called on an owner-occupied home or on the renters themselves, I'm not sure what it would take for that to happen. Generally the people who don't keep their homes up are poor.

    I also vote offer to help fix it. Just FYI, if you do call the city, generally the first step is to just send a warning telling them to fix it within a certain time period (30-60 days) and there is no fine unless they don't comply.
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