Question from pregnant FTM on interviewing

Lady2010 · September 2014

Hi Ladies - I am a regular on PG>35 and PG after IF (prev. TTC>35/IF) and was hoping you could provide some advice.

My company had a change in strategy late last year and eliminated my team at the end of the year. I took some time off and have been looking since Jan/Feb but the market here has been a challenge - very little for what I am looking for. Plus I was in the midst of IVF treatments. But I have been networking, etc. I was recently introduced to some folks, one of whom introduced me to a recruiter. I had a great call with him yesterday, and he wants to meet Monday to sit down and chat about potential opps. (he already sent me some great ones!)

I did not mention I was pregnant, and the person who introduced me to him does not know (I met her 2 weeks ago and just wore a looser top so it wasn't obvious). I am now looking very pregnant so I am sure when I walk in tomorrow it will be obvious. I did run out yesterday to buy a pair of black maternity pants and a looser top which I can pair with a jacket (those still fit - just can't button). I will be 20 weeks when I meet with the recruiter and definitely show.

My question - have any of you been in a similar situation and what has the reaction been? This isn't a hiring manager, but a recruiter - so I guess technically he can ask me whereas a hiring manager can't. Any advice or recommendations are appreciated! Thank you!

TheBorg7of9 · September 2014

If he says congratulations, say " thank you, i'm due in January." Then go right back to talking about the job hunt. If he says nothing, you should also say nothing. I'd also say there's still a chance he won't notice. Men are pretty clueless. Also people notice a lot less than you think and you might be showing a lot less than you think. Good luck!

litzo27 · September 2014

I haven't been in this situation but my understanding is that evening a recruiter shouldn't ask. Also people are paranoid about assuming that someone is pregnant when in fact they just gained a bit of wait so that may be another reason they won't bring it up. I agree with PP - if they don't say anything, don't bring it up. This is something to be discussed with the firm when you have an offer in hand.

Jills83 · September 2014

I intereviewed with a hiring manager, not a recruiter, when I was 20 weeks pregnant. It was obvious that I was pregnant. I did not say anything until I received an offer at which time I asked if I would be allowed to take a minimum of 6 weeks unpaid maternity leave and if it would be an issue for me to take a few hours off occasionally for appointments. They said yes and I accepted. (Bonus: they gave me 11 weeks off for leave )

With a recruiter I actually WOULD bring it up, but not until we were in talks about potential placements. I would want his opinion on what potential employers might think and there is a chance he has dealt with a pregnant job seeker before and has tips for handling it.

Lady2010 · September 2014

Thank you ladies. My plan has been similar to what @Jills83 said if I were interviewing and then got an offer - say something to the HR manager after I had the offer and before accepting (how they react would also tell me a lot about the company and if I would want to work there). But I wasn't sure how to handle it with the recruiter - somehow I never thought of that (I haven't told the 3 recruiters I have been working with for the last several months and wasn't intending to unless I had an offer, etc)

I like the suggestion of acknowledging it/thanking him if he does mention it and then go back to the job hunt conversation. If he doesn't mention, I agree, I would wait until we were talking potential placement, etc. Wherever I end up, I want it to be a company that has good policies and is somewhat family friendly (DH travels significantly therefore I would be the one who primarily deals with dr appts, etc)

Thank you for your suggestions and recommendations!!

ss265 · September 2014

Lady2010 said:

Thank you ladies. My plan has been similar to what @Jills83 said if I were interviewing and then got an offer - say something to the HR manager after I had the offer and before accepting (how they react would also tell me a lot about the company and if I would want to work there). But I wasn't sure how to handle it with the recruiter - somehow I never thought of that (I haven't told the 3 recruiters I have been working with for the last several months and wasn't intending to unless I had an offer, etc)

I like the suggestion of acknowledging it/thanking him if he does mention it and then go back to the job hunt conversation. If he doesn't mention, I agree, I would wait until we were talking potential placement, etc. Wherever I end up, I want it to be a company that has good policies and is somewhat family friendly (DH travels significantly therefore I would be the one who primarily deals with dr appts, etc)

Thank you for your suggestions and recommendations!!

When you say potential placement, do you mean potential companies where you would interview? Or potential companies where you would have an offer? If it's the former then I would just be aware that if the recruiter knows that you are pregnant, he could tell the company that information - legally they can't ask you but there's nothing stopping him from disclosing that information to them.

Now, if they choose not the pursue an interview with you because you are pregnant, it's not necessarily a bad thing because to me that reflects on their family friendly policies. However, I am a private person and I would be irritated if a recruiter I was working with disclosed my pregnancy before I was ready to disclose it. I felt this way before when a recruiter told a company I was interviewing with that I had a 4 month old. I did end up with an offer and declined it but that experience taught me that recruiters will disclose personal information about candidates to the employers.

Lady2010 · September 2014

ss265 - I would only bring up with the recruiter (if he doesn't know / can't tell when we meet next week) if we were discussing actual offers. I agree I wouldn't want to put myself in a position where I could be discounted from an interview merely because I was pregnant. Then again, do I really want to be working for a place like that?

I am extremely type A - worked for an I-Bank for 13 years, while getting my MBA and then left 2 years ago to work at a start-up... which then of course had a change in strategy (and growth challenges) which led to the elimination of the entire team I was on. I am also a bit of a feminist in that I would never discuss my family plans with a boss or colleague (unless the colleague was a personal friend). This is why I am trying to 'hide' my pregnancy even from any of the recruiters I have been working with (and have not shared with any of my former colleagues as I don't want to damage any potential networking ops) - I don't want to not get interviews / hired as a result of it. I fully intend to work until the baby arrives and then would take an appropriate leave before going back to work full time.

Thank you all again for all your feedback and advice!

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