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Pregnant after a Loss
dragonfly1809
member
September numbness
dragonfly1809
member
I knew September was going to be hard.., we're just a few days in and I feel numb, surrounded by fog, each day getting worse, feeling similar to the early months of numbness and fog after Finn died.
I wish I could sleep until it's over.
Today hasn't been good. I started the day with my Doppler hoping that would lift my mood, but baby didn't want to give me much (I have a tilted uterus and anterior placenta so the home Doppler isn't always effective - I just hoped that being 18 weeks now it would be easier..) I heard it briefly deep in there, and it took forever to find.
Yesterday I finished another rainbow hat, and all night I thought of how to photograph it. I decided to use the props I had planned for Finn in his rainbow hat - don't know why, it just seemed to be the right thing.
Before Finn was born I had doodled out some of the photos I planned to take, and this was what I came up with for his rainbow elf hat.
It's just so unimaginable that here I am a year later, he's gone.. I should be planning his first birthday, instead I'm planning ways to remember him.
I don't know how I'll make it through this month.
(For those on mobile, Finn was born healthy and strong on September 18th 2013..and died silently in his tenth night September 29th..)
The photo I have of Finn in his rainbow hat was just taken on a whim one morning when the light was shining in nice - unplanned but perfect to me now.
I wish I could sleep until it's over.
Today hasn't been good. I started the day with my Doppler hoping that would lift my mood, but baby didn't want to give me much (I have a tilted uterus and anterior placenta so the home Doppler isn't always effective - I just hoped that being 18 weeks now it would be easier..) I heard it briefly deep in there, and it took forever to find.
Yesterday I finished another rainbow hat, and all night I thought of how to photograph it. I decided to use the props I had planned for Finn in his rainbow hat - don't know why, it just seemed to be the right thing.
Before Finn was born I had doodled out some of the photos I planned to take, and this was what I came up with for his rainbow elf hat.
It's just so unimaginable that here I am a year later, he's gone.. I should be planning his first birthday, instead I'm planning ways to remember him.
I don't know how I'll make it through this month.
(For those on mobile, Finn was born healthy and strong on September 18th 2013..and died silently in his tenth night September 29th..)
The photo I have of Finn in his rainbow hat was just taken on a whim one morning when the light was shining in nice - unplanned but perfect to me now.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: September numbness
TTC since March 2012
BFP #1 1/29/13, EDD 10/9/13
BFP #3 8/11/14 EDD 4/22/14
TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)
BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d
BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13
BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks
BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby
MAY '15 DEC. SIGGY CHALLENGE- FAV. CHRISTMAS MOVIE
Dating- 3/1/1999 ~ Married- 10/10/2004
DD#1- Sweet Pea ~ Born on her Due Date 3/1/2007
DD#2- Pumpkin ~ Due 9/29/2010 Arrived 10/1/2010
~ BFP: 6/12/2013 EDD: 2/21/2014 NT Scan: 8/5/2013 (11w3d) MMC D&C: 8/8/2013 ~
~BFP: 3/15/2014 EDD: 11/24/2014 CP 4 weeks 4 days ~
~BFP: 7/2/2014 EDD: 3/15/2015 CP 4 weeks ~
~BFP: 8/31/2014 EDD: 5/10/2015
*All are Welcome*
TTC #1 since January 2013
BFP #1: April 5, 2013; EDD December 11, 2013; Missed M/C May 15, 2013
BFP #2: February 17, 2014; EDD October 30, 2014; M/C March 15, 2014
BFP #3: August 1, 2014; EDD April 14, 2015 - Praying for our RAINBOW!
Ava's Story
BFP#2 10/18/13 Blighted ovum 11/25/13
BFP #3 1/31/14 EDD 10/18/14 -- It's a GIRL!
Married August 2003
TTC since Sept 2011, Unexplained IF
Oct 12 - Jan 14: 3 clomid/TI cycles, 2 hysteroscopies, 2 IUIs, 1 BFP (MMC @ 12w), 2 more IUIs
Feb 14: Gonal-f + IUI #5 = BFP! (EDD 11/4/14)
Baby boy arrived 11/13/14!
***Losses mentioned.*** TTC #1 since May 2012. Me: 37, OH: 41. Ectopic August 2012 => tubal damage.
DS2 born 2/22/13
MMC 5/16/14@8w2d
DD due 5/9/15 Please be our RAINBOW
BFP 6/29/2013 - EDD 3/16/14 - MMC 9/5/2013
April 2014 - - 1st ICI Cycle - BFP 5/15/14 EDD: 1/20/15
A/S 8-22-14 - Its a BOY!!
12/15 Checkup & heard his beautiful heartbeat
ALL WELCOME -
Began trying for a baby January 2012
BFP 4.25.2013 EDD 1.3.2014 MMC 6.3.2013 D&C 6.19.2013
BFP 11.3.2013 CP 11.6.2013
BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014
BFP #2 11/3/10; BO at u/s 10w6d 12/16/10; Natural MC 1/7/11; D&C 4/21/11
BFP #3 10/27/11 Please stick, LO!! 2/6/12 It's a Girl! Alexis Grace born 6/29/12
BFP#4 4/27/14 Stick, stick, stick!! 8/11/14 It's a Boy! Evan Wesley born 1/8/15
"Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow, that is patience." Let it Be (blog) ♥ My BFP Charts
This time I'm not leaving without you.
BPF 1. Baby Girl "Petri" 12/22/11 Said goodbye 12/27/11
BPF 2. Baby Boy "Roo" 1/20/12 Heartbeat 160b/m 2/15/12 Said goodbye 2/20/12
BPF 3. Rainbow Baby Boy "Creed" 4/28/12 Born healthy and alive 1/5/13
BFP 4. "Rainbow 2.0" 8/17/14 due 4/28/15
"Darling don't be afraid. I have loved you a thousand years. I love you a thousand more."
Hugs @Happyin14 ...so sorry about Jack.
Thank you for sharing your sweet pictures.
EDD 5/2/14, NMC 9/11/13
EDD 10/15/14, CP 2/8/14
IF Diagnosis: PCOS, MFI
Current Cycle: 5 mg Femara/1000mg Metformin + TI = BFP, EDD 4/23/15 Please be our RAINBOW
**ALL AL/IF Welcome**
My Chart
BFP #2 5/7/13 EDD 1/14/2014 Ectopic discovered 5/21/13, lost left tube
Referred to RE, blood work done August 2013, AMH 0.27, all else normal, HSG clear
I think @Happyin14 said it just perfectly - you're still allowed to think of yourself as Finn's mom and you can focus on him right now as much as you need to.
I hope this doesn't upset you, but I want to tell you how adorable Finn's picture is. That wrinkly back is just precious!
first son stillborn 7/20/13 at 39 weeks due to Acute Fatty Liver of Pregnancy
It's a girl! Baby Anna was born August 3, 2014!