Getting back to the breast (from EPing)

RachelCA29 · September 2014

This will probably be long, but I just need advice, encouragement, suggestions. I currently pump exclusively because breastfeeding was not working out for LO and I but my supply is great and I didn't want to just give up.

So here is the back story:

LO was born via induction and had a pretty rough start. He got stuck in my pelvis and they had to break his right arm to get him out quickly. When they broke my water there was meconium present, so the plan was to get him out quickly to suck any fluid out of his lungs. I never had those initial few moments where they lay your baby on your naked chest right after birth. My baby was rushed off to a care bed in the delivery room and then wrapped tightly in a blanket because of his arm. He spent the first 24 hours in the NICU (he was bottle fed formula because he didn't need a feeding tube). I pumped in the hospital and hand expressed colostrum for him, my supply came in by day 3. In the hospital breastfeeding was not great, I had to use a nipple shield because he was having some breathing issues (from having his lungs sucked out at birth) and positioning him was really hard because of his broken arm. We could not do skin-to-skin for the first month of his life because he was in a body wrap to stabilize his arm.

I think one of the biggest challenges with breastfeeding was my over active letdown/oversupply. I think the nipple shield helped LO nurse despite that, but the LC's I saw were always telling me I had to pump after a nursing session with the shield because it would affect my supply. So I did, and I think that only made it worse. I saw 3 lactation consultants (one I saw 3 times) in his first 5 weeks. The only times he ever latched without the shield was with the help of an LC, but they were so rough with him, shoving him into my breast, no regard for his injury. They just didn't get my concerns. I did so much research about OALD, but the LCs didn't have much else to offer.

A good day of nursing for us was only have him screaming at my breast 3 times, instead of all 8-10 times. He just never seemed to enjoy nursing, (I'm guessing so much of it was his discomfort with this arm and also my letdown practically choking him). He was gaining weight, but our doctor said he kept falling to lower growth curves each appointment. I really think it's because nursing was not enjoyable for either of us so he was taking the bare minimum he needed.

One of the LC's I saw convinced me that our issues were because of his slight tongue tie. She said if we got it clipped he would be able to latch better and then handle my strong letdown. So we went to a specialist and had his tongue and lip ties clipped. That was basically the end of our breastfeeding (he was 4 weeks). He wouldn't even latch on the nipple shield after that. We even went for another LC appointment and it was just crying (both of us at that point) and not much nursing (he pulled about an ounce from an hour session trying every position possible).

I've been pumping since he was 5 weeks, he is 15 weeks now. I try him at the breast periodically, with and without the nipple shield. It always ends the same, he screams with the breast in his mouth instead of sucking. I EP because my confidence just couldn't take my baby rejecting my breasts so outright. Sometimes when I bottle feed him I hold him at my breast level, in basically a BFing position. He seems okay with that now.

Again, I don't know what I'm asking from you ladies. Support? Encouragement? I'm so scared to just jump in and try again because the rejection from him is so hard. I know I just should, but I guess I need the support to do so.

Thanks for reading my novel.

jenn43 · September 2014

That is so tough! That feeling of rejection is hard to take. First off, let me tell you that you are doing awesome! EP is a huge commitment, and you are doing a great thing for your little guy. Have you tried hand expressing a little first, so he doesn't have to deal with the overactive letdown, and so there is milk ready when he starts nursing? You could also try feeding him a little from a bottle first, so that he's not starving and doesn't get frustrated. Or you could even let him comfort nurse after a full feeding, just so he associates the breast with warm and fuzzy feelings, instead of frustration. Finally, you could try going to a lower flow nipple (e.g. use a preemie nipple if you're using a 1) so that he has to work harder with a bottle, and doesn't get frustrated at the breast so fast.

I think it's great to try him periodically. I think if you also want to give it a break and just do bottles for awhile, that's great too. Do whatever causes you the least stress- you are a great mom either way!

foreverapartofme · September 2014

Your poor LO! I can't even imagine trying to nurse a LO with a broken bone. Honestly, I can relate to you so much... my DS never had a broken bone, but I got mastitis and it was so excruciatingly painful to nurse that I chose to pump until my infection started to get better. By the time I started to go back to nursing, he completely preferred the bottle. I've tried for about a month now to get him back on and it is so emotionally draining! I have tried offering it for about ten minutes before I cave and give him the expressed breast milk. I found that he would like to suckle/ comfort nurse after I bottle feed him. Just try and spend some extra skin to skin time to let your LO cuddle and feel close to you. I think you are doing a great job and pumping is so much extra work, so you should be proud of yourself and your dedication! My LC told me to just keep trying and eventually he will get back there, so I guess you and I both need to hang in there and hopefully our babies will get the hang of nursing again! Best wishes.

RachelCA29 · September 2014

Sorry for the long delay but I did want to come back and thank you ladies for the advice. I've been trying him at my breastore this week (nipple shield required though) and it hasn't been as terrible as I thought with him fussing and refusing. I think if we keep at it I might be able to do his before bed feeding regularly.

Thanks again!

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