Hi! I'm mom to a 4.5 year old DS and 13 month old DD. I'm hoping I can find a place here and start participating here. We are just starting the journey of trying to figure out what is going on with our son so I hope it is ok to include some background information on him. It is always nice to hear from other parents about their experiences. I am a scientist (currently doing research as a postdoc) and my husband is a software engineer--we met at a science camp as teenagers. We are honestly fairly socially awkward and introverted so I feel some guilt that that is impacting our son too. This is a novel, so my apologies in advance!
We've always had some concerns with our 4 year old but we were always brushed off and told that he was "just a boy". As an infant, he had colic and never slept well (up every 2-3 hours at best). He hit most early milestones on time or early: sat at 5 months, crawled at 6.5 months, waved/clapped/etc within a normal time frame. He could not get himself into a sitting position from lying down until later than his peers. He also didn't stand unsupported or take steps on his own until 14 months. He had a lot of ENT concerns and started walking more and gained a lot of words after getting tubes at 15 months. He has always been super energetic and just kind of "more" to deal with than other kids. After he started walking, he continued to have a lot of balance issues and we had a lot of playground accidents. He seems to lack the innate sense to put his hands out when he falls which has resulted in stitches and staples to the head on multiple occasions. At 2.5 y/o we had him evaluated by EI but he did not qualify for services at that time. My DH and I continued to have concerns about his social, gross motor, and fine motor development but our pediatricians and his teachers didn't think there were any problems.
We had noted a lot of hyperactivity and difficulty attending to tasks but he also had fairly severe obstructive sleep apnea. We had new tubes placed and had his tonsils and adenoids taken out last January, a month after he turned 4. That resolved the apnea but not any of the behaviors.
He is a definite sensory seeker and does not have a good sense of where his body is in space. He often runs into things and does not seem to even register the impact. He has very little sensitivity to pain and continues to be exceptionally "clumsy" and has considerable difficulty keeping up with other children on the playground. He still can't pedal a trike or effectively ride a scooter.
He also does not interact appropriately with peers. He often will just yell one word (for instance, 'Skylanders') then run away instead of introducing himself. He also will not say hello/good bye to anyone except our immediate family. He does pretty well with one-one conversations with family but has a hard time with children and teachers at school. He does not seem to understand emotions in any real way (he does have what I would consider an intellectual understanding but has difficulty applying to real situations). He has some pretend play, but it is quite limited at school and has to be on his terms only (other kids say this is an airplane, he says nope, it's a car and just does his own thing).
His teachers have noted poor eye contact during school hours but he does ok with family and well-known family friends. He interacts well with his sister most of the time but then again, she isn't really talking back or trying to control play yet. He typically refuses to participate fully in circle time and other school activities. He won't answer questions but can tell us everything they learned in school. He has a crazy good memory and is very attentive to details when something interests him. He does seem to have some interests that are considerably more intense than his peers- right now Skylanders and Rescue Bots (in the past he had trains--Thomas in particular). We do not allow him to play the Skylander video game but he does play with the figures still. He does calm and attend more with sensory input (swinging especially). He also has difficulty transitioning-often ending in a tantrum if he is very interested in the activity. He hyper focuses on often odd details and often mimics the behaviors of older/idolized children--unfortunately, usually it is poor behavior. He is a super happy, bubbly kid and he doesn't seem to get it (at all) when other kids make fun of him or don't want to play.
After bringing up concerns at least weekly for 5 months, his teachers told us in June that they were also concerned and that we should have him evaluated. Due to his continual ENT issues we had another hearing screen this summer- he was not super cooperative but he has 'borderline low' global hearing. We will retest in December when he turns 5. We saw an ophthalmologist and he has 20/20 vision with no obvious defects. He was also evaluated for speech and language and OT. He has below average receptive language although the therapist is still unsure if it is a "true" delay or due to his impulsiveness and unwillingness to answer some questions during testing. As for OT, he has significant sensory and vestibular concerns. They did not test gross/fine motor in depth but we will be getting those evaluated as well. He has been going to private language and OT therapies 1x/week since the end of July. We are currently awaiting a full eval by the school district and are on the waiting list for a developmental medicine eval at our children's hospital.
In the mean time, we have enrolled him in our local public pre-k integrated program--their curriculum is 'Tools of the Mind' and they focus on a lot of social thinking. Regardless if/what diagnosis we get, I hope the new preschool program will help him.
If you got through my novel, thanks!
Re: Intro- 4 y/o with possible ASD/ADHD/?
I just want to ask, have you had his vision checked? My son is/was notoriously clumsy but spontaneously read letters near and far before age 2 and was reading actual words (sounding out) by age three. Vision was not on my radar. He has neurological vision issues. So his eyes are not talking correctly with his brain. Since he turned three he has had glasses for extreme farsidedness (+6 both eyes but they are only correcting it 30% to get eyes to work harder). We just started private vision therapy along with having private OT and speech for two years.
My son has a lot of similarities to yours-- clumsy, speech delay but talks A LOT-- constant really, great eye contact with just about anyone (not shy most of the time), can't answer a lot of questions (but making huge strides recently), he is a huge sensory seeker AND avoider. For example,he used to walk the edge of my parent's wooden fence and run his fingers across it without flinching (could have gotten splinters this way). He used to crawl and rub his face across the carpet when he was little and stressed. He still runs across the room and flops as hard as he can against the couch- EVERY NIGHT. He used to hurt himself all the time and not act like it hurt. That has changed over the last year or so. I think its the multiple therapies to tell you the truth.
Until about two months ago he could only pedal a trike 10 feet. Now he can ride it for a mile. Pretty unbelievable, but its one of his newest skills and we worked many hours in OT on coordination with swings and activites to help with vestibular awareness and procieptive.
I am glad that you found this board. It is a great place for support and questions. I am glad that you are seeking ways to help your son
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
"The Out-Of-Sync Child"