Intro: Scared, Scarred, and Confused

Pehrie · August 2014

Hello. I'm Pehrie (23 yo) and my husband (24 yo) and I lost our first child, Jack, to an umbilical cord accident at 39 weeks and 4 days on May 1, 2014. My pregnancy was beyond healthy and, besides the horrifying awfulness of having to knowingly deliver a dead baby, my delivery was easy. You all know how I'm feeling about that, so no need to repeat it here... I am scared, scarred, and confused because I am already pregnant again. I know high school sex-ed taught me that "it only takes once", but good Lord. I have so many questions... Am I actually pregnant, or could the blood pregnancy test just have picked up remnant hCG? Will my terror/stress hurt this baby? Does an umbilical cord accident make this pregnancy high risk? Am I the world's worst person for not wanting to attach to this baby yet? My brain keeps spiraling and I don't know what to do... I guess I just really hope you ladies can douse me with wisdom and understanding. Thank you, and please accept my deepest condolences for being a part of the world's shittiest club with me.

princezjk · August 2014

~~~Sig Warning~~~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy, Jack. As for if you are pregnant again, the only way to know for certain is to contact your doctor for a blood test. If you are pregnant again, talk to your doctor about what sort of monitoring will be in place this time. Every pregnancy is different, but it is important for you to talk to you doctor about your fears and concerns and come up with a plan you are comfortable with.

And being afraid to connect with your baby when PgAL is very common. PgAL is hard and definitely requires a lot of support. This board has a weekly PgAL check-in and there is the board Pregnant After a Loss that may be a good fit for you too.

I hope you are able to get the answers you want soon. (((hugs))) and best wishes

lexusolsen · August 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss of baby Jack. I'm sure the feelings you expressed would be present if you had waited three years to have another child. We know the scary and traumatic side to pregnancy now. As pp's said, every pregnancy is different though. I hope you and your dr can come up with a plan to help you feel at ease.

jonahsma · August 2014

I am sorry for the loss of your precious baby Jack ((HUGS))

I agree with everything @princezjk said. This board has a pgal check in if you aren't quite ready to intro on the main board. We are here to support you anytime, feel free to vent whenever you like.

T & P to you and your family

Pehrie · August 2014

Thank you all. I'm just having a rough night... My blood test was positive, but I have to wait until September 8th to confirm with an ultrasound... I'm just scared and anxious. Thank you all so much for your kindness.

Bgirma · August 2014

I am so so sorry for your loss. You're right, this is the worlds shittiest club but like other posters have said, this an amazing group of very supportive women.

Sending you lots of good thoughts.

shandorfml2 · August 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Jack. I echo was PPs have said.

ikrystal · August 2014

**ticker**

I am so sorry for your loss. I know dealing with the grief of your loss gets even more complicated when you get pregnant afterwards. I post the PgAL check ins every Friday, please feel free to join. All the ladies on this board are extremely supportive. Keeping you in my thoughts.

stefuge · August 2014

I am so sorry for your loss of Jack and that we are welcoming you to this club. These ladies are amazing and we are here whenever you need us.

CheesyPeas · August 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. This is most definitely a horribly shitty club to join but I'm glad you found us. ((hugs))

erinel · August 2014

I'm sorry for your loss, and welcome to this board. We lost our son in February, and are 13 weeks pregnant again now. We did it intentionally, and still it is hard to feel connected to this new baby, so I totally get where you are coming from.

Mel&John2013 · August 2014

*****siggy warning

I'm so sorry for your loss of baby Jack. Losing a baby is the crappiest, most unfair thing a person could ever have to go through.

My husband and I also lost our little boy in May and now I'm pregnant again (although on purpose). It's been difficult and we expect it'll get more so at different points the further along I get. At the same time, we know we want a family and know that it likely wasn't ever going to get any easier and it will be worth it in the end. But I understand the difficulty in attaching to the new baby when all you really want is the baby you lost. Just know that we're here to support you through this journey.

msunshine123 · August 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Jack. We also lost our 1st child, our son to a cord accident at 39 weeks and 3 days on the day my labor started in June. I have a lot of research that was passed along to me from another loss mom who lost her 1st child to a cord accident a year ago. Feel free to PM me and I'll pass it along to you. This board has been a huge help to me and the women here are amazing. ((Hugs))

diamante1181 · August 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Jack. There are no words. I wish none of us had to be here. I would maybe say definitely talk to your doctor about what your protocol will be this time around, and hopefully that will help. Also, I was going to suggest requesting an u/s to verify visually that there is a little bean there. Best of luck and use the board as much as you need.

mmsweeney1 · August 2014

**rainbow mentioned**

I am so sorry for your loss. I was pregnant soon after my first loss and had the same problem letting myself get excited about the pregnancy. It sounds crazy, but sometimes I was even mad at the new baby I was carrying because it wasn't the son I had lost.

As everyone has said, pgal is definitely hard. One thing that really helped me was finding a new and very supportive OB. She gave me her cell phone number and told me to call for anything. It made me feel good that she understood that a new pregnancy made me feel anxious and she would listen to my fears. She even gave me extra monitoring to try to give me peace of mind. I hope you have a healthy and uneventful pregnancy and delivery, and just remember it will all be worth it!

VyD81 · September 2014

*siggy warning*

I'm sorry for the loss of baby Jack.

As for pgal, it's really hard and you just have to take it one day at a time. @mmsweeney1 mentioned, I also found a different and very supportive OB who also gave me his personal cell phone and he do a quick u/s every time I see him just so I can see baby and do a quick measurement. I see him every 3 weeks instead of 4 weeks.

I hope you have a healthy and easy pregnancy.

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