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July 2014 Moms
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Feeling guilty for giving up

PrncestaPrncesta member
in July 2014 Moms
For a few different reasons, I've decided to give up breast feeding. I've had issues from day 1 with it including flat nipples, bad eczema on my nipples, baby not latching and barely producing anything when I'm pumping. My LO was always hungry when I would breastfeed so I had to start supplementing early on. I have tried EVERYTHING to get my supply up and it just stays the same. I could go 9 hours without a single feeding and I'm still only pumping 3 oz total.

Now, the last part is that the BM is making my LO very gassy and fussy. She is miserable when I give her BM, but completely happy when I did only formula for a few days as a test. Not to mention, I'm only producing 2 oz a session these days.

It breaks my heart that I have to give it up and the guilt is eating me up inside. I feel like I've failed as a mom and can't stop crying. I've spoken to both my OB and Pedi who have assured me that I am doing what's best for my LO.

How have you dealt with the guilt from giving up BFing? Someone please tell me it gets better.

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Re: Feeling guilty for giving up

  • mcvgalmcvgal member
    Do not feel guilty. You tried what you could. As long as you continue to feed your LO, you are doing your baby right. When I switched to formula with DS1, I felt so guilty about not making it a year. That guilt lasted at most 1 week. As soon as I realized that I. Was still doing my best to nourish him, and no longer worried about supply issues, we were both much happier. It was also a relief for DH. He always supported my decision to nurse, but felt bad when he,didn't know how to help with my supply issues. In the end our whole family was happy

    11.2011 - DS1

    02.2013 - loss at 6 wks

    06.2014 - DS2

    10.2015 - loss at 12 wks

    03.2017 - DD

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  • ADC1979ADC1979 member
    I'm so sorry to hear you're having so much trouble with breastfeeding! But you shouldn't feel guilty...you've been doing all you could and sometimes it just doesn't happen. That's why there are things like formula, and it will help you and your baby do what you need to do. I'm not going through anything like what you are, but I bookmarked an awesome blog post that's related to this issue that I hope will help you feel a little better and give you hope for your situation. You're not alone in having to do what you're doing now. https://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2014/4/15/when-breastfeeding-just-isnt-going-to-happen

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  • Nichole8787Nichole8787 member
    Hugs. Big big hugs! I think doing what's best for your baby makes you a great mom. This is what's right for you and little Cora. Soon all that stress and this guilt will be gone and all that will be left Is happiness.
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  • NugsMomNugsMom member
    All I can say is I hear ya, sister. I have been battling low supply since the beginning, and LO and I never really got the hang of nursing. I'm still pumping and combo feeding and I feel guilt every day that exclusively breastfeeding did not work for us.
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  • kenziebug22kenziebug22 member
    I completely understand how you feel. I haven't had many problems up until three days ago now and my LO decided to completely refuse me feeding him. I had to go out and buy formula to see if he would take it, which he eventually did thank God.

    It was the first time I've given him anything but BM and it's hard to wrap my head around it and why he all of a sudden won't nurse. I've even tried my freezer stash in a bottle and he won't take it, so battle with myself had begun that he is for whatever reason happier with formula now.

    I keep telling myself it's not giving up, i've tried every little thing but he's happier this way, and that as long as he's eating and happy it will be ok... its still killing me though, you're not alone. We'll get through this!
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  • ksspiffksspiff member
    I struggled with both of my children, fighting different medical and physical obstacles until I finally had to give up.
    Both times I felt that guilt.

    What has helped me is the support of my decision by my family. And reminding myself that BF is a two person job, so you aren't completely at fault. And even then you can blame genetics on everything else (inverted/flat nipples, milk supply, poor suck, tongue tie, reflux, post partum depression, whatever).

    In ye olden days, one if your five sisters living in the family grass hut would have taken over the nursing. Instead, we have formula.

    Come in over to the Great Formula Feeding thread. We, too, all struggled with something to get us there.
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  • marsalisailsmarsalisails member
    It sounds like you fought damn hard - you're not giving up, you're forging ahead the best way you can.

    I understand the emotional side of it. Even after months of ebf with DS, I got sick and had such a high fever that my supply tanked all of a sudden (my body was too busy fighting off the infection to make milk!). Even though I had made it that far, I cried for a couple of days because emotionally I wasn't ready to stop (even though I had no problem giving DS formula).

    The emotional goes away very quickly - i can't know what you're going through, but i would imagine that (as pp have said) once the pressure of keeping your supply up goes away, you'll be able to enjoy your lo that much more and just be happier in general.

    As a FF kid myself (i was a blue baby and couldn't handle sucking - had to have a fast flow bottle), I'm healthy and happy and absolutely never knew the difference!

    You are a great mom who is doing the best for your baby. This is beyond your control, and you didn't cause it - please be kind to yourself as you make the transition.

     

     

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  • seellsseells member
    You're not giving up! You're making a courageous decision to do what's best for your kid! I struggled with a lot of guilt when I switched my DD to formula but it gets easier! (Especially at 3am when you can get DH to give a bottle and get some extra sleep!)

    My daughter is now 4 and she's so healthy and smart. It's honestly not even something I think about. In the long run BF or FF hasn't mattered! I spent so much time agonizing over something that was really just such a small part of her life. Having a happy mama is what makes your kids happy!
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