If you are not a fan of your ILs

notreallyirish · September 2014

Is your H aware of it? To what extent? Does he have similar feelings toward his own parents or toward your parents? Is it a touchy subject? I'm curious!

notreallyirish · September 2014

DH knows his parents (especially his dad) annoy me, but not quite how much so. They annoy him as well but not as much as they do me. Like, to him they are just like the Costanzas-- irritating, loud and crotchety. To me they are racist, sexist, insensitive and sometimes irresponsible.

My parents bug him in some ways but I think in typical, not very serious ways...my mom is somewhat passive aggressive and nosy, she worries over nothing, asks him for medical advice.

I avoid the topic if I can because honestly I'm afraid to learn he dislikes my family as much as I dislike his! I am close with my family so it would be hurtful to hear. He's not that close with his parents but I don't want to hurt his feelings either.

scubagirl81 · September 2014

Yes to all of the above. DH's family is very hard to get along with, they always speak their mind no matter what, and they fight dirty with insults and threats and stuff. I hate it. They are so mean to each other. There are some other issues too, and all of this is compounded by the number of parents he has (they are both divorced and remarried) and that they all hang out together but love drama. There is always a fight. Also, his mom has very severe untreated anxiety, so that doesn't help things. The most annoying thing to me is that DH can say whatever he wants about his family, but if I express any kind of frustration about them, he gets testy with me even though he totally agrees with what I'm saying. So I have to be very careful not necessarily what I say, but how I say it.

spring_time · September 2014

EDIT: My minor annoyances with my IL are nothing compared to the things I am reading on here. I think you would all roll your eyes at what "bugs" me about my IL :-) Yes, they annoy me. My parents also annoy him. I think we both know the extent of our annoyances. I know I try to buffer the things that annoy him about my parents, and he does the same for me. It really only becomes a big issue when our families are together. That is when things blow up between us and we end up in opposite corners with the gloves out.

catycate · September 2014

I'm with notreallyirsh, he knows they annoy me but not how much. And I don't bring g it up bc It would hurt my feelings if he disliked my family as much as I dislike his.

cmrand4 · September 2014

Well, DH is more frustrated with his parents than I am. I tend to be more patient with their transgressions than he does. I usually let him start the conversations about their craziness and then chime in. I try not to tear them down though because with family, you can say it, but if someone else does, it is hurtful. DH knows there are some fundamental personality differences that keep him mom and me from being close. She's very materialistic and I'm totally pragmatic and frugal. As far as my mom, she lives far away so it's not much of an issue. I think she annoys him but he just kind of ignores her. This drives her nuts because she wants to chat everyone up. When they don't, she asks, "Why doesn't he like me? He never talks to me." He feels like this kind of conversation is stirring the pot and she needs to relax. I see both perspectives, frankly. None of the relationships are perfect but I work at them because I value them from a 'grandparent to my kids' point of view.

ToastieSimons · September 2014

Yes, he is aware. And he feels similarly. They are very uninvolved grandparents yet brag about the kids like they see them all the time. They've been very vocal about the fact that they don't agree with our care of the kids. They don't agree with the medical choices we've made (yet they've been entirely uninvolved and have no idea what we've even done).

He's very disappointed in them and how they are as grandparents, etc. So it's a touchy subject because they're his parents and he wishes it were different.

joyfullyfound · September 2014

We both love my parents and plan on co-owning a property with them in the near future.

And we both can't stand his parents... him probably more so than me actually. They're nice people and love our kids, but MIL is a hypochondriac who only wants to talk about her health and is constantly diagnosing DD and DS with various diseases and illnesses, wringing her hands over their health and calling multiple times per day with new concerns. And there's a host of other weird quirks that makes it difficult to to bare them in anything but very small doses... we love them, but ugh.

notkateanymore · September 2014

Yes, but only bc it's his step mother. She's fucking annoying. He is also as annoyed by his brother and sister plus spouses as I am usually.

ariel06 · September 2014

I don't hate them, but we both get annoyed at them. They (his parents and siblings) tend to be extremely unreliable and definitely more takers than givers. Pretty much the only time we see them is when we go visit them (2 hours away) or if they need something.

FIL has been trying to guilt DH for weeks now about not visiting since the beginning of June. We told them back then that we had only two weekends all summer with nothing scheduled and we need to get a few major home maintenance projects completed outside before it gets cold. And since my doctor prefers us to stay within an hour radius of the hospital anytime past 36 weeks, we probably won't make it before baby is here. If they want to see us, they are welcome to come visit or set something up to meet for lunch or dinner half way between. I'm over do

Ilumine · September 2014

He knows that I don't put up with her crap like the rest of his family. But to him, he thinks that I just don't put up with crap...

chelseymat · September 2014

I actually love all of my ILs so much except MIL. I cannot stand that woman. She is so fake and obnoxious and uninvolved it makes me sick. When she finally makes it around to visiting the kids everything is all about her. She lives 20 min from us and never visits and then cries that she misses us. Its all just so fake. I just had to block her from my FB because she keeps stealing my pictures and posting them with comments pretending to be there so her friends can tell her what a great grandma she is. ugh. Anyway, DH knows that I can't stand her but tolerate her for him. I just can't be fake. But I don't talk about what she does that bothers me unless its really important because I don't want to fight with DH over her. My mom is super annoying too in an over involved clingy kind of way and I'm sure it annoys DH but he doesn't admit it much. We table all inlay discussions really

rosesandpetals · September 2014

Yes, he knows. Lol. After all this going on right now, I think the neighbors know it, too.

jensriot · September 2014

I love my in-laws, they are really great people. BUT DH doesn't like my parents, so I'm kind of on the other side. Ok, he likes my mom, but thinks she's a little deceptive. She's not lying or deceptive really, she just hears what she wants to hear, so we take what she says with a grain of salt.

I have to say I don't blame him. My dad was never really nice to him and didn't agree with our life style (living together before marriage and buying a house together before marriage). I struggle a tiny bit with some of his dislike of my dad. He and I were very close when I was younger. I know he's different now, but I remember the great times. My SM drives everyone crazy, so there's that. And honestly, no one likes my SF either. He's a bitter, angry alcoholic. DH does love my sis and BIL, they are awesome.

hlm184 · September 2014

I'm the one keeping the relationship with his parents somewhat alive, in that I update them on LO, send pictures, video, etc. DH is mildly annoyed by my parents, but not really any more than he would be by spending time with people in general (we're very introverted) and he appreciates that they are totally cool with not having to be entertained and have conversations constantly.

raraavis28 · September 2014

All things considered I have really good ILs. They love us, adore the boys, and are very generous, esp. with their time. MIL can get annoying and be on the demanding side, esp about family events....like for her Labor Day bbq she just sent everyone a text saying "Be here at this time on this day. Let me know when you get this message" without asking anyone else first if they had anything else planned, if it would work etc (also, see my wedding post about her, heheh). And SFIL I can really only take in small doses....he's a good guy, kinda, but an alcoholic who is "rough around the edges." I never complain about them to DH, though, b/c his relationship w/ them (esp SFIL) has been very rocky (and he is all but estranged from his dad and has a ton of anger toward him....I've interacted w/ him all but twice) and I'm the one always pushing the importance of family, so I feel like if he knew I was kinda bugged by his folks every once in a while, he'd use it as an excuse to burn bridges unnecessarily.

Also, he's had a rough time w/ my family, which has actually caused me a lot of pain. I love my family, but they are definitely different from what DH was used to growing up. He's also butted heads w/ my dad and can't seem to let that go. Things are slowly getting better I think, (my dad's recent emergency kinda brought out the soft side in both him and DH) but another reason I don't like to ever bad-mouth the ILs is I don't want him to think "Oh we're bashing ILs now, let me lay into your family"......kwim?

jnksmom · September 2014

We don't have a relationship with FIL and SMIL. They were in and out of our lives the first 7 years but we haven't spoken in 3 years. FIL is an ass and SMIL is BSC. H and I agree it is best we don't speak to them but it still bothers him that he doesn't even speak to his dad. FIL has hated me from day 1 and basically told H he could choose me or his dad. MIL is okay but has some weird quirks. H agrees with that as well. We see her every other week and we all get along. She is not the grandparent H would like to her to be but she doesn't mistreat our kids either. I like BIL and SIL/BIL also. We get along great with my parents and see them often. H has a good relationship with both of my parents.

thechickencoop · September 2014

We get along with my parents fine; H gets annoyed at them though but I get it - they can be a little intense (first grandkid kinda way...) but they are very generous with their time and money and really have a great relationship with us and DS.

H's family OTOH I can't stand. He usually can't either. His parents are divorced and both dating idiots. His dad is a freeloader; we only see him because he lives on the water and we keep our boat there. He really doesn't make much of an effort. MIL is so flighty and DH can hardly ever get a hold of her. She really doesn't make an effort to have a relationship with us or DS either but the few times a year we do see her she is very involved.

BIL is a worthless pos. His girlfriend is too. We literally don't allow them to touch DS because they are just filthy people.

DH feels the same way about his family. We each know how the other feels but we don't really say anything about the other's. It doesn't bother me, but H does get defensive about his family if I complain about them; I think he's just disappointed.

vlagrl29 · September 2014

I really don't have too many issues with the ILs. They started a new church recently and are a little more churchy than I prefer. MIL's husband tried to force us to go to church a couple weekends ago after I had worked all weekend - I was like no way how about he get his own kids to go. MIL was trying to warn me about yoga and how I may be swayed into a different religion. Whatever, I go there to decompress and relax.

DH and I are both only children so we don't have any brothers or sisters to bitch about

If you are not a fan of your ILs

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