young sibling hospital visits

meggiev123 · September 2014

For those with small children, are you going to have them come meet the baby at the hospital? I was originally planning on it, but DD is 19 months and still doesn't really understand the concept that she's getting a baby brother. I'm worried that if she comes to the hospital, sees DH and I with a new baby, and then has to go back home without us, that it might be a shit show of tears and anxiety. That said, at my hospital, the standard stay for a vaginal birth is 3 nights and I'd love to see her during that time if I knew it wouldn't upset her.

Justabean3 · September 2014

We had no problems with showing DS the baby when I was in the hospital

They don't typically start having problems until a week or two later when they fully realize baby isn't leaving and is staying at home

MrMrsandBaby · September 2014

DD will be about 26 months so older but she is totally coming. We won't make it all about the baby though, it will be more like, "Mommy missed you! I'm so glad you are here!"

Also, she will be freaked out if she doesn't see us for 3 days then we come home with a baby so we will ease her into it. We have a little gift basket going for her from her new baby so we will give her that at the hospital.

meggiev123 · September 2014

@justabean, how old was your DS? This whole introduction process scares me more than the birthing process!

meggiev123 · September 2014

@lurkernomore2, that is an excellent idea to have DH leave with DD for awhile. She's going through a bit of a mommy phase, but I think that would make the process much easier for her.

noellemari · September 2014

DD1 was 5 days shy of turning 2 when DD2 came, so a little bit older. But I had DD2 in the middle of the night so DH was with me until he woke up in the am and then went home. He didn't come back with DD1 until late that evening and didn't stay with me at all in the hospital. I wanted him to be with DD1. I knew if I needed anything I'd be fine and have plenty help at the hospital. I also requested an early discharge and went home approx 36 hours after delivery instead of staying the two full days.

Good luck! I remember stressing about it and it was fine! Now I'm stressing about how DD2 will handle it!

Justabean3 · September 2014

meggiev123 said:
@justabean, how old was your DS? This whole introduction process scares me more than the birthing process!

Just barely 2. He stayed with my Bil and SIL the first day when the baby came. He came and saw us a few minutes... Not long and then left with my mom the second day and stayed the night with her. She dropped him off with us when we left to go home and we all went back to the house.

It was just kind of gradual. He understood there was a baby and he was coming home. He never really acted out or anything but his behavior changed about a week later when he realized the baby was staying there and not visiting. He got over it fairly quickly

bumpuser10309732 · September 2014

My nephew is the same age. My brother brought him to the hospital to meet his new baby sister and he hugged and kissed her. My brother didn't stay the night in the hospital with the new baby and SIL he went home with my nephew so not to change up his routine too much. He's pretty excited about her though, I don't think he has an anxiety about her. He does tend to cling to my brother lately but he'll get used to her. Nothing too traumatic. I think you're really worried for nothing :-)

vrj0522 · September 2014

DS will be 28 months and I worry about this too, even though he is older. We will still do it and really just hope that he does okay. We are planning on getting him a gift from baby that will hopefully soften the blow.

lct2008 · September 2014

Ds will have just turned 3 and the plan is to have him come meet baby at the hospital. I think either way you do it though will be fine. I know some people feel more comfortable having them meet at home.

Syllessa · September 2014

My oldest was 19 months when #2 came along. We had my mom bring him up to visit. I just made sure NOT to be the one holding the baby when he came in. It was all about how much I missed him and getting snuggles. He sat on the bed with me and we kind of ignored the baby until she cried. Then I had DH bring her over and DS sat with me and "helped" feed her while I told him about her. After an hour or so, DH and my mom took him out to lunch and he went home with my mom. No tears and very little issues adjusting.

hgielrebmik · September 2014

I'm planning for my DS (just turned 2) to meet LO at the hospital. I am planning to make sure that LO is in the bassinet when DS comes in so I can give him my full attention before intoducing him to the new baby.

cinnamin922 · September 2014

I read a tip yesterday that I think we might follow. She suggested not having #2 in the room when #1 first comes in, talk to #1 reassure them that mommy is ok etc, then have #2 brought in by the nurse, introduce etc, when it's time for #1 to leave have the nurse take #2 back out, say goodbyes etc. I think that it sounds great (in theory of course) for a first time meeting...

JessAnnJ · September 2014

DD is currently 20 months. We plan to have her visit at the hospital. We have a gift to give her from the baby. I think it will be even more confusing for us to just come home with a baby. She will be staying with her grandparents. My plan for now is for DH to stay at the hospital. I was in bad shape last time and really felt like I needed his help. What we haven't decided yet is if her grandparents should drop her off at the hospital and we will all go home together or if we should go home and have them drop her off at the house. DH wants them to drop her off at the house, but I am thinking I want us all to leave the hospital together.

meggiev123 · September 2014

Thanks ladies, so much good advice. I really like the idea of saying hello and goodbye to DD with the baby out of the room (or at least not in my hands). I'm starting to feel a bit calmer

SusieBW · September 2014

I wish I knew what we were going to do. Originally, we planned to have DD stay with my parents until the baby was here, and then for DH to go pick her up and bring her to the hospital to meet her brother. But now I don't even know how I'm going to get to the hospital when I'm in labor, since Dh can't drive me, never mind anything else.

DD will meet her brother in the hospital, though, and my intention is that it will be just the four of us when that happens, even if my mom has to bring DD to our room and then go hang out in the waiting room for a while.

We also planned on having DD stay at home with DH for the rest of my hospital stay (after the first night, or depending on what time DS is born, I guess we'll see), but he can't really stay at home alone with her as long as he can't drive or get around, so I have no idea what's going to happen. It's probably going to be more chaos, just like the last 6 weeks have been.

trisharenee0316 · September 2014

My daughter will be about 22 months when this one is born. Our main goal has been to try to keep as much of her schedule normal as possible, so DH will still take her to Gymboree or swim lessons or gymnastics or whatever her activity is in the morning, and then come visit after her nap. When she first gets there, we'll give her her big sister gift and she'll get to snuggle with me in bed before she meets the baby. One thing my hospital does that I like is they have a chunk of time every afternoon that is for immediate family only--the spouse and other children of the mom only. It's family bonding time and so I'm glad we'll get that time together for just the four of us without other visitors or interruptions.

The only real disruption and difference in her routine will be sleeping over at her grandparents' house instead of at home in her room (DH is going to stay with me overnight). We are trying to get her used to it now so it's not such an adjustment then.

JessAnnJ · September 2014

Just thinking about DD walking in to the room to meet the baby is making me cry a little bit.

BeanNut · September 2014

Yes, absolutely. DD1 was 19 months when her sister was born and I don't think coming to the hospital was a hardship for her. We just wanted to see her (and have her see us).

Maggie6424 · September 2014

I was planning on it, depending on how long my stay is. DS1 is 29 months now.. and he'll probably be going home with Hubs. I don't think he'll be upset to leave me. He's used to me leaving for work and staying home with Dad.

MsMacual · September 2014

Our son will be just shy of 3 and we'll have him come over to the hospital to meet his baby brother. We have a backpack full of stuff for him (legos, art supplies, cars, etc) so he'll get that as well as have the chance to start to get to know his brother and our new normal.

jesslinnn · September 2014

DS1 turned 2 a few days before DS2 was born. He came to the hospital and was interested in the baby for a few minutes, sat on the bed with me for a little bit, but then just wanted to check out everything in my room. He was fine once we left too.

I plan on having the boys visit in the hospital this time too. They JUST turned 2 and 4. DS1 is SO excited so I can't wait for him to visit. DS2 still doesn't get it and is very attached to me. I have no ideas how he's going to react right away, but I'm sure he'll be jealous once we get home. I'd rather him meet DD in the hospital and ease into it, than us just showing up at home with a baby.

cozybluebear · September 2014

My son will be 20 months when baby is born. I made it very clear to my husband that I do not want him there! First off, it'll be flu season so I don't think children under 12 are even allowed in our hospital at that time. Second, I have never been away from him for more than a few hours. If he sees me and then has to leave without me, he'll have a major meltdown and it will absolutely break my heart. Since I found out I was pregnant, I've been having good major anxiety about being away from him for that 24 hours. If I had to have a c section, I would die!

jmw222 · September 2014

When DS came, DD was 22 months. She did great, came to the hospital with my DH, met the baby and went home with DH. Never showed any signs of jealousy. DH did end up staying home with her every night and kept her routine pretty normal.

With this new baby DS will only be 15 months. DH will pick them both up from school to bring them to the hospital. DS is way too young to get any of it, so we will just sort of have him hang out and see me more than anything. DD is very excited to meet this baby. My in-laws will take them home for a sleepover (which isn't a completely foreign thing). DH will stay for the 1st night and then the other 2 - 3 he will be home with the kids. Since this baby is scheduled for a Friday, he will do normal routine stuff on Saturday and will bring the kids by each day for a short visit.

I would say, keep the visits short. Even though DD was so excited about DS, a short 15-20 minute visit was plenty.

savicke2009 · September 2014

When ds2 was born, ds1 was almost 2.. about 6 weeks shy.. and I left for the hospital around 4am.. my dad came to our house and watched him and then brought him up when ds2 was a couple hours old.. I made sure not to be holding ds2 when he got there and made a big deal about seeing him.. he spent the night with my parents and we all came home the next afternoon

my biggest thing was I didn't want to be holding the new baby when he got there, I wanted to be able to snuggle him as much as possible and then introduce the new baby to him!

meggiev123 · September 2014

SusieBW said:

I wish I knew what we were going to do. Originally, we planned to have DD stay with my parents until the baby was here, and then for DH to go pick her up and bring her to the hospital to meet her brother. But now I don't even know how I'm going to get to the hospital when I'm in labor, since Dh can't drive me, never mind anything else.

DD will meet her brother in the hospital, though, and my intention is that it will be just the four of us when that happens, even if my mom has to bring DD to our room and then go hang out in the waiting room for a while.

We also planned on having DD stay at home with DH for the rest of my hospital stay (after the first night, or depending on what time DS is born, I guess we'll see), but he can't really stay at home alone with her as long as he can't drive or get around, so I have no idea what's going to happen. It's probably going to be more chaos, just like the last 6 weeks have been.

Oy, so sorry you're having to go through all these extra complications! I just keep telling myself that one day all these trials will be interesting stories to tell LO, I'm not sure it helps though.

Emerald27 · September 2014

DS (~3yo) will meet the baby when we get home. I am worried that he would have a very difficult time leaving the hospital without me, so we've been telling him that when the baby is big enough to be born, mommy and daddy will go to the hospital, have the baby and bring him home. He's cool with it.

That said, my min. stay is 12 hours, so I plan to be home very soon after LO's birth. If it were different, I would probably have DS come meet baby.

BabyBsOven · September 2014

My friend (who has 3) also suggested that we get DD a new baby doll so when we come home with a new baby, she has a new baby too. She said it helped a lot with her daughter because whenever she had to tend to the baby, her daughter would tend to her new baby so there was no jealousy. Her daughter isn't a normal kid though, she's super chill, well behaved and independent....almost the exact opposite of my DD so we'll see what happens

TinyTRex321 · September 2014

My almost 2 yr old will come to the hospital. I read a blog that suggested not having the baby in the room when the sibling arrives or leaves (if that is possible at your hospital).

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