birthday blues

ballygirl · September 2014

All this talk of birthday parties is kind of stressing me out. I wanted to invite family and some of the women in my playgroup who have babies about the same age and a few other of our closer friends. If everyone came, it would be 23 adults and 11 kids. I thought we could do a very simple, casual bbq - burgers on the grill and some sides. I'm getting all this negativity about it from DH and my mother. They think its too many people. DH thinks we should just have a family party (about 11 adults and 3 kids) or maybe do a separate party with our friends. I really don't want to plan 2 parties though. Does 22 adults and 11 kids seem like an unreasonable number for a 1st birthday bbq?

I really like these new women that I have met and we are starting to get invites to their babies first birthdays, so I feel like it would be nice to reciprocate. I really want to be friends with them. I have zero friends irl that have babies and who can relate to my life right now, so I'd much rather have a party with them than a bunch of my annoying ILs. Honestly, if it were a choice between a party with just our families and no party at all, I would just do no party at all because the families just stress me out and we see them all the time anyway.

bkeane619 · September 2014

That does not sound unreasonable at all.

hlb622 · September 2014

We cram 25-30 people in our 1,000 sq. ft. house all the time for GTGs. I say, do it. It's seriously not that many, when you think about it. Pretty sure some O13ers are planning parties in the hundos. And especially because it has the potential to build more cohesion with your mom group. The more, the merrier, mama!

blueeyedrose86 · September 2014

Would both sets of parents come for all babies? Like if Emma was invited to a birthday party for a baby that wasn't part of DH's family, he probably wouldn't go. If not, that might ease the adult load.

deedee1017 · September 2014

It sounds like what we're doing. I was going to bbq too but then decided I didn't want to cook while everyone was there and all of us smell like bbq. What I'm doing instead is making trays of food and putting them on sternos. I'm going to do something like sausage and peppers, a tray of chicken, a pasta, vegetarian chili and some salad. It'll allow me to prepare ahead of time and make the day as relaxing as possible. If you prepared the food ahead of time do you think it would change your family's mind?

I say go for it. It won't be that bad.

ballygirl · September 2014

blueeyedrose86 said:

Would both sets of parents come for all babies? Like if Emma was invited to a birthday party for a baby that wasn't part of DH's family, he probably wouldn't go. If not, that might ease the adult load.

I'm not sure. I included husbands in my estimate, but probably they wouldn't all come.

stephl3055 · September 2014

I don't understand how he is okay with having 2 separate parties. That's twice the work for the same number of people (I'm assuming the same guest list regardless of one or two parties). But I'm a fan of knocking everything out at once.

ballygirl · September 2014

stephl3055 said:

I don't understand how he is okay with having 2 separate parties. That's twice the work for the same number of people (I'm assuming the same guest list regardless of one or two parties). But I'm a fan of knocking everything out at once.

Exactly! That's what I told him! Planning 2 separate small parties is harder than one bigger party. I'm not sure if there is something else behind this that he isn't telling me. I mean, our house isn't 'finished'. We moved in last October and we still have some walls to paint and there are some rooms that are not quite 'together' yet, so maybe he's hesitant to have people over that he doesn't know well? idk, but no one in this group of people gives a shit about that. Or maybe he's worried about people meeting his family (a valid concern in some cases) or thinks that it would be an awkward mix? I really don't know.

MargaretC5 · September 2014

If your H concern is just having too many people at the house, you could do any open house party. Let people know the times and say they can stop by any time in between for as little or as long as they would like. We have done this in the past and it works well people naturally spaced themselves out.

ballygirl · September 2014

Deedee - I like your thinking for food. I'm deft buying most of it. Wegmans has a decent prepared food section, so I was going to just get most of the sides prepared. I think they can do party trays too -I should check that out. I like the open house idea too. This is what my brother and SIL did for their daugher's 1st birthday. People just came and went and it was very casual and relaxed.

deedee1017 · September 2014

baconface said:

Tell DH and your mom that unless they change their attitudes stat, they are not invited.

that's one way to cut the guest list!

cassey910 · September 2014

That number does not sound unreasonable at all. Definitely not worth the stress of trying to do two. Hope they come around and if not oh well.

carawasa · September 2014

That'll be around the same as what were having (and you have two!) and I know it can be super discouraging hearing it from your h and mom but I don't think it's unreasonable! Two parties would deft be much more of a PIA. I also think i would incite the moms from the playgroups because it'll be so fun for the girls! Don't let them talk you out of it!

muffyvonmuff · September 2014

That is so not unreasonable but having to do the whole thing 2 times is. Having your friends there is such a good distraction from the ILs too. I say go with everyone at 1 party and if someone doesn't like it then they don't have to come.

ksimo6 · September 2014

Our list is at about 50. Is it too many people? Probably. Fuck it! Let's party.

ballygirl · September 2014

Haha thanks guys. I think I'll just start planning things and tell him after the fact. Sometimes he just gets panic brain when he thinks about anything that requires planning. We're going to a 1st bday for one of my play group girls this weekend so hopefully it will get him excited about it.

Gatorsgirl731 · September 2014

Ok I do agree planning two parties is more stress, and you shouldn't have to if you don't want to. But to play devil advocate is it possible any of the family would do or say anything that would influence your future friendships with these ladies? Or will the stress of being around family make you not your normal self? For instance at my shower my BSC aunt was in full on fruit loop mode and I was a wreck. EVERYONE still talks about how miserable and uncomfortable I seemed. If I had to do two parties I would make it as easy as possible. Cater all the food, and order from one of the party sites the party in a box. But bottom line, you will be doing most of the work so you get to decide what kind of party or parties to have.

ncase2 · September 2014

We're doing just family and I have 25 people and a couple kids coming... I don't think it sounds unreasonable at all! Two parties sounds awful - I'm stressing enough about one.

We're just grilling out too, and I went the easy route and bought everything pre-made from GFS. Ain't nobody got time for that.

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