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April 2015 Moms
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Keeping my baby

sammy0794sammy0794 member
in April 2015 Moms
Hi. I have been pregnant before and have had two abortions I am not married and I am a muslim. This is my third pregnancy and my boyfriend is not willing to keep the baby because we are not married. In my religon if a girl is pregnant before marriage you have to wait until she has has the baby to marry her but he does not want a baby. I am living with family at home at this moment in time and no one from my family knows I am pregnant. I do not know what to do because if I have an abortion I am putting myself at risk in the future and if I keep the baby I have no support and no where to go. If I keep the baby also I have no support and my boyfriend does not want to marry me later on or know me. I do not know what to do. I have a job to financially support myself but still I am confused.
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Re: Keeping my baby

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  • dana1047dana1047 member
    In my opinion, it sounds like your boyfriend is trying to control & sway your choice by pulling the "leaving" card. In your religion, if a baby means getting married and he is honestly not ready for that commitment, yet had unprotected sex knowing this could be a possible outcome, run fast!!

    He's obviously a douche bag and not someone you'd want to share your life with. I hope your fAmily is supportive in whatever decision you choose.
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  • drmrsmantisdrmrsmantis member
    I'm also calling MUD.  But I'm often wrong about many things, so there's that.  

    OP, this is a decision only you can make.  I'm not sure a room full of internet strangers, many of whom have a loss history, are the best support for you at this time.  If you have a close, trusted friend or could talk to a therapist, that seems like a better match for what you need right now.


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  • Texasmomma13Texasmomma13 member
    Very well said @GrailSeeker14‌.
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  • juniorp86juniorp86 member
    OP- I can understand why a lot of ladies on here are frustrated about this discussion. If you read the other threads you'll see a few of them had a miscarriage, and others went through a lot to even conceive. This is your 3rd pregnancy after all, so accident is somewhat out of the question.

    So here's the bottom line, you and him both knew that having unprotected sex could lead to this outcome. After the 1st or 2nd pregnancy, you should have planned better as to not put yourself in the same situation knowing how he felt about kids. I would love to blame him, but I think most of blame is on your part since there are so many things you could have done to prevent that.

    But, you have to decide yourself and make whatever choice you think will be in your best interest. Like you said, you are financially stable, so you can't let him or any other person persuade your choice. Who knows what will happen after that.

    Best of luck with whatever choice you make.
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  • dottedwhearts777dottedwhearts777 member
    A man is willing to ejaculate inside of you but won't except the responsibility of his actions? Yes, leave this man.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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  • 4N6s4N6s member
    Adoption?
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  • guyo1guyo1 member
    If you're Muslim please fear Allah and have some respect for ur religion if u keep making the decision of getting knocked up then make a wise decision in keeping that baby, abortion is not an option in Islam and I'm pretty sure u know that. And u shouldn't use anortion as a birth control method, I understand if it happens once but 3times come on now. This post is making me so sick to my stomach
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  • ShortyRNShortyRN member
    What is MUD? I tried looking for that abbreviation page but can't find it now!
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  • ShortyRNShortyRN member
    Oh! Gotcha. Thanks
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  • isha12345isha12345 member
    first of all sex before marriage is prohibited in your religion ,abortion again is strickly prohibited.........and there is no such thing as waiting till childbirth for marriage......seems like u hav least information about your religion
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  • fiscally3fiscally3 member
    I'm not certain of this, but my sister and BIL were struggling to get pregnant, and my sister really wanted to look into adoption.  BIL wasn't interested, and we thought he was dragging his feet (we thought it was the typical it won't really be my kid, its expensive, etc.) but he's Muslim and after some research we learned that adoption is viewed differently in their faith.  If you adopt a kid its supposed to maintain the biological last name and inherit from bio parents, its not supposed to be your kid. 

    So I'm not sure if OP can give up the baby with that view of adoption.  Most of what we read pretty interchangeably used orphan.  That being said different Muslim cultures may have different views on this.
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  • SuperFudge00SuperFudge00 member
    snegde said:

    KonaiNeto said:

    I have nothing to say to the OP that has not already been said. This post is merely to comment on everyone making comments about not using protection. No protection, with the exception of abstinence, guarantees that the user will not get pregnant. Some people are so active that it fails. Sometimes, even if they aren't active and it is a highly rated protection, it still fails. No protection except the withdrawal method has ever worked for me, and no protection except for a tubal ligation worked for my mother, and she tried several different methods, including a vasectomy on the part of my father. Six different, reliable, methods of protection, six pregnancies. I think that it is a little naive to be assuming that the poster (if this isn't MUD, which it likely is) was not using protection. I understand the sentiment, but it could at least have been worded along the lines of "If you aren't using protection, please start."

    The withdrawal method is horrible birth control.
    The withdrawal method worked for 7 years for me & DH. Then took 2 cycles TTC. I say this because a provider was shocked we hadn't gotten pregnant before and was confident something was wrong with DH's army.

    I know it is not favorable but I suck at remembering pills (prenatals are killing me) and I couldn't handle the hormones of the depo shot. All others were too invasive for my taste.

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  • amt725amt725 member
    OP I usually try to stay out of the dramatic posts but yours has struck a nerve. You do have freedom of choice so do as you wish. However I think it's extremely inappropriate to post several posts regarding this same topic on THIS board. I held my breath last time but I'm over looking past it. Please go find discussion boards regarding religious beliefs and abortions. We are all celebrating pregnancy not termination. As you've seen plenty of women would love to still have their babies as so many women have posted their goodbyes. Not going to flame you for your choice to keep or not but you should've used better judgement not to post here.
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  • fiscally3fiscally3 member
    KateRN08 said:
    I'm not certain of this, but my sister and BIL were struggling to get pregnant, and my sister really wanted to look into adoption.  BIL wasn't interested, and we thought he was dragging his feet (we thought it was the typical it won't really be my kid, its expensive, etc.) but he's Muslim and after some research we learned that adoption is viewed differently in their faith.  If you adopt a kid its supposed to maintain the biological last name and inherit from bio parents, its not supposed to be your kid. 

    So I'm not sure if OP can give up the baby with that view of adoption.  Most of what we read pretty interchangeably used orphan.  That being said different Muslim cultures may have different views on this.
    Well she's having premarital sex and abortions so I'm thinking adoption is probably okay
    True enough, she seemed to be worried about the marriage thing, so who knows which bits she's willing to follow.  Some people pick & choose the bits of their religion they follow.  Definitely had a friend who very vocal about being Christian tell a group of us that's she's really glad they started trying before she got married since they had trouble getting pregnant.  I was just trying to say that adoption might be culturally inappropriate as she seems concerned about her family.
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  • RobynB13RobynB13 member
    angi3o said:
    Wow people should watch their choice of words. "Kill your baby"... Really!? You should really stop and think about the impact your words have on people. People have abortions for their personal reasons: victims of rape, too young to financially or emotionally care for the baby, failed birth control. I have had patients had abortions because it would physically be detrimental to their health to carry a baby. I really suggest you @angi3o‌ be more considerate of your audience.
    OP doesn't meet any of that criteria, she said so herself. If she chooses, this will be her third abortion; which leads me to believe that by now she knows where baby's come from. Maybe OP should be more considerate of her audience; she's posting on a board in which people have struggled with infertility, mc, and children passing for other reasons saying she willingly terminated 2 beautiful babies and might do the same for this one. Saying this to People that would have given everything they have just to hold their baby if even for a day, and she's just giving that up. Sorry if I offended you, but that's my beliefs and if OP is too sensitive to handle that then maybe it's because she knows what she is doing is wrong...
    one thing OP did NOT mention, was the reason for the previous two abortions, for all we know she was raped/molested, or had medical issues... You really can't say "she said so herself" when really she didn't And if this isn't a MUD post, then it sounds like OP needs to hear how great she would do, and how she should try to get away from her family if they would really be so bad to her, and that it's ok to be a single mom... instead, you jump right to calling her a baby killer. 
    If you're too sensitive to handle the truth that not everyone walked down the same road as you, maybe you aren't in the right place.
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  • sammy0794sammy0794 member
    I had my reasons for having two abortions and this time I was going to keep my baby. I am nearly 7 weeks pregnant and I have started cramping really bad and have started spotting and then later on today I started bleeding a little more. I think I'm having a miscarriage and am really scared. It's not easy to have an abortion but people just judge. But it's ok.
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  • OliveMom3OliveMom3 member
    Because we don't know your reasons for having your previous abortions, I don't believe we should be judging and making you out to be a baby killer (wow, even typing that feels so wrong). OP I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time and I'm sure this miscarriage is making your emotions go haywire. I hope you have a friend, colleague, mentor, family member, anyone that you can talk to who can provide you with the emotional support you need right now. Maybe this isn't the best forum to air your difficulties but I hope that at least you got enough answers to be able to more forward in a positive and healthy direction.
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  • mrsalvidrezmrsalvidrez member
    So I like how OP has literally said nothing. Important issue not so important anymore? What is this?
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  • cheshyrecattcheshyrecatt member
    Sammy0794, I feel for you. You are an expectant mother and have every right to post here on the bump. I applaud your decision to keep this child. I wish I knew more of your religious beliefs. I know they are far from what mine are, but it seems to me that perhaps birth control (as in "the pill" or other hormone-based forms of birth control) is as much in opposition to your faith as getting married while pregnant. I may not agree with your past decisions, but I can see how feeling trapped can make a person panic and do things they would not normally do. I will pray for you and your baby. If you ever need someone you can talk to, feel free to contact me. I hope you feel better now that the burden of this huge secret has been lifted off of you.
    And, to those who resent her posting here: she never said that aborting other babies was what she wanted to do. It is very possible that she never wanted to, but felt she had to. Consider what she will face by keeping this child. She needed to tell SOMEONE. Compassion is what we all need when are in a tough spot or crisis. Please, consider these things.
    I hope we all have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies.
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  • sammy0794sammy0794 member
    I have been in hospital all day yesterday and I was having a full on period. I'm so hurt and terrified today I had miscarriage I saw my baby when I went to the toilet to change my pad. No one knows how hard it is because even though I'm hurt I cannot tell anyone and I have to smile and laugh so no one knows my pain. When I saw pregnant mums with their bumps I was so happy that I am pregnant and in all cases I wanted to keep my baby and this happened to me. I can't believe it I'm just broken from inside out.
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  • charlie1993charlie1993 member
    edited September 2014
    .
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  • charlie1993charlie1993 member
    Okay my apologies, but still against her religion to have a baby out of we'd lock two miscarriages and pregnant again just seems a little crazy that's she's pregnant again :/
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  • charlie1993charlie1993 member
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  • BRNCLESBRNCLES member
    i, too, think this post is kind of BS- trouble is stirred up for a few days based around an extremely hot topic, then the thread goes quiet, but now all of the sudden she decides to keep the baby when simultaneously miscarrying, seeing her baby while losing? not that it can't happen, i guess, i just... am having a hard time believing her. and maybe it's because of my own history with loss that i find her posts a little too trollish to take seriously.

    i'm trying really, really hard not to judge, and if this is a real situation it is a horrible experience and i am very sorry for the loss. i am just hoping the OP has at least been able to educate herself about pregnancy in general before having to leave the group, since it seems like she may not have a lot of outside support.
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  • sammy0794sammy0794 member
    I'm sorry for troubling everyone and thank you for supporting me. My situation is real and not a lie and no I am from the UK. I have not told anyone I'm just best by myself because if I know what people think on here it just shows what people will think in reality. Thanks
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