Marriage/Relationships Post Baby??

JesseBaby&Me · January 2009

Some people say that when your baby is born, you dont have time for your relationship.. much less sex.. if you even feel like it anymore. Is this true?? I'm a newlywed and I was hoping to do the once a month date night to keep up the romance. How are your marriage's going post baby? Any Advice?

JARbaby · January 2009

The first 6 months were very hard on us. he it got better. This time we ar golden and so in love.

As hard as it is, take time to have a weekly date, even if it is popcron and a movie in bed, turn off the phone, put the baby to bed.

sunnygyrl · January 2009

DH and I were only married for 6 mo when we got pg. A date night is great in theory if you have friends/family near by to help... we don't. Instead, we take showers together and cuddle, hug and just try to keep things fresh. I think honestly, our sex life is better now than it was before I got pregnant. Good luck

zacook · January 2009

For us the sex has been WAY less... But its not just b/c of the babys dh has been working out of town A LOT more... gone for several months at a time... Date night once a month sounds nice.. dh and used to do that all the time a couple times a month but now that he is gone more and we have 2 babies we do it very rarely.. but we enjoy our evenings in more..

Temp856430000003146 · January 2009

Up to this point EVERYTHING has been about the baby. We've had a few date nights since Cooper was born. Our marriage is good... but once we can start having sex again I know DH will think it's better.

My advice, is to make sure and pay attention to your husband after your baby is born... he is going to feel left out and like all your attention is on the baby (which it will be).

alicatt79 · January 2009

= sex

= helping around the house

= helping with the baby without a guilt trip

But we still love each other and are both trying to get accustomed to all the newness of everything. We both know it'll get better with time...and sleep.

susie1079 · January 2009

The first 2 months were just a blur and don't worry if that is the case with you 2. You will both be tired and warn out, you will also still have a long time before you will want sex again probably. But once baby was STTN and on a good schedule, we were well slept and felt good, then everything else comes back into place. Now that we are feeling back to our normal self, baby sleeps good and we have time alone in the evening we are almost back to ourselves. As far as date night, we have once a month. It is always nice and my parents babysit so we don't worry. It's just a couple hours but just enough to reconnect. We also stay up late at night a lot just talking after baby goes to bed. That's important to get that time everyday to hear eachother's thoughts.

mamathom3740 · January 2009

We have had our moments but overall our relationship is stronger. We have a very good baby so I guess it makes it easier. My husband has been alot of help-somedays i wish he did a little more but overall our relationship is better. Sex is better too-rough at first but totally worth it- even though ur pregnant and uncomfortable- have as much sex, sleep, dates, quality time that u can. I wish I would have taken more naps:)

hewinked · January 2009

We have been fighting a lot more since DD got here. We are both exhausted, and I'm a control freak so I get all hyper about stuff easily. Things are better than they were, but still not 100%. We were just talking about how we need a date. We live an hour from most family and friends, so it's difficult, but I think it's really important. We are going to a hockey game on the 31st, and DD is going to my parents'. Doesn't sound all that romantic, but we love hockey, so I'm really looking forward to it.

Alyssa&Dan06 · January 2009

It has been so-so. We are just so tired and all the focus is on the baby. Just like the pp said the men can feel left out. I think that was something that my dh was not prepared for. He tends to feel like he doesn't matter as much anymore. Mothers get to know thier dc's very well and I would often get frustrated when dh didn't do something the way I did.

But you learn to find time in other ways (like when the baby goes to bed). But date nights are non-existent for us this early on since we do not have family around.

Just give your dh LOTS of attention as soon as you guys get time alone. He will thank you for it.

Daniel's Mama · January 2009

alicatt79:

= sex

= helping around the house

= helping with the baby without a guilt trip

But we still love each other and are both trying to get accustomed to all the newness of everything. We both know it'll get better with time...and sleep.

Ditto. We are STILL working on it.

earthboundmisfit · January 2009

It's 10x better, but I have a very involved husband who takes care of his child without question. I feel like there are a lot of shitty husbands on here who only take care of THEIR baby when asked. So make sure you talk to your husband about your "expectations" when your babe comes, and make sure that you are on the same level as far as caring for the baby and who does what/when.

The first month was horrible and we hardly had time for each other. It's a lot better now that Josie is more predictable with her naps/bedtime. We still have sex 2-3 times a week, depending on when DH works, and how Josie is napping. We send her to either my parents or his 1-2x a month so that we can have a date night. Honestly, if you put in the effort to keep your marriage strong, there's no reason to worry. It's harder definetely to find time for each other, but as long as you try than it shouldn't be a problem! Just keep the lines of communication open and you'll be alright.

laceloni81 · January 2009

Its been ok for us too. My Dh the first month was super loving and sweet. Then I think the freshness of what I had went through (labor) was gone. Its just DH seemed to maybe be a little more forgiving when it came to my nagging. Wink

DD goes to bed pretty early so we have our evenings and that has been good for us. At least we have some time for ourselves even if its just a couple of hours. Sex...mmm...lets say...not as much as we use to.

susie1079 · January 2009

Also it is important to make your expectations clear. As another posted, some husbands on here sound pretty horrible. My husband and I have truly split up everything we do. I bottle feed so that has helped but I can say he is just as connected to the baby as I am. Those first couple months of feedings 3x's night we always took turns and when I went back to work, I work in the afternoon, so I had baby in morning to take care of. When Dh came back from work in the evening he would take over. This has really helped our marriage, we never have to argue about who is doing what, we both know our responsibilities and we do it and are there for eachother when we need help. That is so important!

ajanes · January 2009

We've been ok. DH has been great actually. Ds is very needy. He will only sleep on me. Therefore, sex has been pretty non existent. We've done it once and it wasn't horrible. I had a very minimal tear. I think I had like 2 stiches. I was lucky. However, it's hard to have sex with an infant on your chest. We also like to cuddle before we sleep. It's hard to cuddle holding DS. He has reflux and sleeps on my chest with me sitting up. I think this has been the hardest part on both of us. DH will say the sex thing and while I don't disagree I miss our cuddle time. I'm working on getting DS into his own bed. We were doing so well and then he freaking got RSV and we're back to square one. Oh well, we'll get there. Date night is a great idea. We scheduled our first one and DS got sick. That pretty much canceled those plans.

JesseBaby&Me · January 2009

Thank You Ladies For The Very Real Advice. It sounds like you guys all worked very hard your first few mommy months, with your babies and your husbands. You probably get way less credit than you deserve!!! I will definatley talk to my husband about my expectations after the baby is born and remind him of what he agreed to. Date night will be great when we have time and I will try my best to give him the extra attention when i'm not to tired to remember or to busy with the baby. Thank You So Much. Congradulations On Your Beautiful Babies. Good luck with your reationships in the years to come. God Bless.

Mrsk1020 · January 2009

Currently, DD is 3 months old and I say that sex with DH does tend to be put on the back burner but when we do have it, WOW!!!!!!!!!! ?I am talking Orgasms that make my whole body tingle. ?But let me also add that we do also take showers together and have a "date night" which happens to be "family night" and we're okay with that. ?DD has been STTN and we have plenty of time between the time we put her down and the time we go to bed for each other! Gool luck!

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