Resources for family/Friends? (Children mentioned)

saritacw · September 2014

Hi. Even though last Wednesday I made the conscientious decision not to mention our TTC challenges to family and friends; I found myself getting a pedi yesterday with my SIL and during the course of conversation I knew it was "the right time" for both of us for me to share with her on this topic.

She was incredibly sweet and supportive. I'm lucky to have such a SIL.

**commence rant**

She doesn't "get" me at all, never has. She kept saying "I just want to support you. How can I support you?" and I kept saying "I'd rather you never bring it up. Ever. If I bring it up it means I want to talk about it. If I don't, assume I don't." And she would say "Is it hard for you to be around your nieces and nephews? We'll understand if it is." To which I would say "No. Not at all. At this point it doesn't bother me at all. If that changes I'll be sure to let you know but I compartmentalize and my sibling having kids doesn't make me more sad that I don't. Don't worry about it." But she didn't believe me. Then she said "Well, you're going to get all hormonal and then you'll need support but you won't know how to ask because you'll be all hormonal." I said "Chica, I'm taking hormone supplements as we speak and I'm able to make my own decisions and know my own mind. trust me. Just talk to me like you have for the last 10 years up to today and if I need you to behave differently or support me differently I'll tell you." Argh! She's sweet. But she doesn't get it. (not just this issue...I knew this would be her response. It's not a surprise.)

So...I wonder if I could send her something to read that I didn't write that helps her know how to support someone dealing with IF I wonder if that would help her chill out a bit and trust me when I say that I'm ok and that DH is fine. I somehow need to convince her that we're the same people we've always been which means we're capable of asking for help when we need it and as of today, we don't.

1) Anyone care to join in this rant?

2) I recognize that at least so far, I'm less sensitive than many ladies here are when it comes to being around children or hearing about pregnancies. I also recognize that could change. But right now, it doesn't bother me. So I'm looking for resources for family members to learn how to be supportive and not just annoying for a couple who is reacting like DH and I are now. I want them to know what's going on. But I want them to back off and not think that I'm crying every month when I get a BFN. Maybe I will in a few months but I'm not now. How can I convince them of this?

saritacw · September 2014

@iPutKetchupOnKetchupyour last suggestion is brilliant.

(thanks for your entire response, not just that, but I particularly like your last idea.

Thanks.

saritacw · September 2014

@rainbowbridge14 bless you! You just gave me a great way to talk with her in a way I think she'll understand and respond. Thank you.

BunnyBerry · September 2014

So sorry, some people just want to pity and coddle others or make others fit into the mold they imagine.

Seems like her heart is in a good place, but no one wants to be treated like we don't know our own feelings or we cannot control our own minds!

Perhaps just not bring up TTC with her unless you really are having a hard time, and then you know you can count on her to feel your pain and be willing to love on you a bit?

saritacw · September 2014

@bunnyberry @rainbowbridge14 @IPutKetchupOnKetchup

Thanks to all of you for your response to my post yesterday. All of you had little tid-bits that helped me frame a way to have a follow up conversation with my SIL. I think she might sort of understand better now. I'm grateful to you three. It's nice to have safe, understanding, anonymous and un-biased people to get feedback from.

Muchas gracias!

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Resources for family/Friends? (Children mentioned)

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