~ Loss Check-In ~

CherryPicked · August 2014

Hi ladies, I hope you have been kind to yourselves this week.

Welcome to the check-in! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: How have you gotten through loss milestones as they have passed? Is there anything you did that you found very healing?

CherryPicked · August 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Not really, I've just been surviving this week. School starting back up combined with the day that Caroline would have been 5 months old made for a hard week.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I am working on getting healthy and I've been exercising more and eating better.

QOTW: How have you gotten through loss milestones as they have passed? Is there anything you did that you found very healing?

Every month on the day that Caroline would have been a month older, I post a picture of her on Facebook and say something about her. For me, sometimes the milestones are easier and sometimes they are unexpectedly harder. Usually the busier I am on those days, the easier they are.

healz413 · August 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I started eating a high protein, lower carb diet this week. My weight is at an all time high. I'm an emotional eater plus I haven't played any sports or done much physical activity since @manada went on bed rest.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Lose 20-30 pounds before our planned FET in November. I plan to track my food, keep carbs low, and start exercising some.

QOTW: How have you gotten through loss milestones as they have passed? Is there anything you did that you found very healing?

I have posted on facebook or emailed people to make note of loss milestones. We are planning a party for near our babies' due date in their honor (because they were twins we had both their official due date at 40 weeks and their "twins due date" at 38 weeks). I think that all that really helps is saying their names, noting my sadness, and giving myself time and space to grieve.

forevermyfenix · August 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Eh, maybe. It was a roller coaster of a week. I'd get through most of the day but later in the afternoon I always break again. The 26th was Fenix's due date and I did ok as long as I was distracted. I did leave the house and show my face at school for the first time as a test run to see if I should go back to my grad school internship soon. Was a disaster emotionally but at least I can say I tried.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Next goal is to get Fenix's photos from HALO. They should be ready this week or next week. And I want to apply for a Birth Certificate for Fenix. We left the hospital without seeing any sort of certificate or anything.
QOTW: How have you gotten through loss milestones as they have passed? Is there anything you did that you found very healing?

I haven't gone through many at this point. The due date wasnt as hard as I thought it was going to be as long as I had mindless youtube playlists going. DH and I did talk about how precious he was and whose features he had which was wonderful. He hasn't been able to talk much openly about Fenix but when he does I know he's hurting just as much as I am and loves his son like any proud father would.

diamante1181 · August 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

It's only been a week. And so far waking up and nighttime before bed are the hardest times. Or randomly I'll lose my breath and start crying. I made it to work the past few days and was able to be distracted at least for 8 hrs, but that's pretty much it.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I also started school this week, which I can't believe I even made it through my classes. I have a lot on my plate presently, including taking a securities licensing exam (which is required for my job), and I figure if I can accomplish these things, it will be for Phoebe. I guess my plan is just to survive.
QOTW: How have you gotten through loss milestones as they have passed? Is there anything you did that you found very healing?

When we lost Sophie and Gabriel, we had a mass dedicated to them, and next weekend a mass will be dedicated to Phoebe. I would also spend a few months lighting candles on the "day", which coincidentally we have lost our 3 babies on the 23rd of their respective months. So I guess we'll be lighting for 3.

msunshine123 · August 2014

@kderoy- I agree so many days are just about surviving.
@healz413 - I like the party idea and that you let others know the milestone dates too - some people don't know how to acknowledge those dates and I think we (as parents) can help by letting people know what we want for those days.
@artgeek009 - big hugs to you as you passed Fenix's due date this week.
@diamante1181 - night time and early mornings were so hard for me too - you are in my thoughts and prayers ((Hugs)).
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Still getting settled after our move.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I still need to get all the pictures together for our son's memory/scrap book. It's challenging with all of the unpacking and organizing after the move, but it's been therapeutic sorting and organizing things too.

QOTW: How have you gotten through loss milestones as they have passed? Is there anything you did that you found very healing?
I think a lot is just about surviving and trying to take it just one day at a time. I try to get outside and enjoy being in nature - I sometimes feel so connected to my son during those times.

GymSpaz26 · September 2014

*I haven't posted a check-in for quite a while. (And I apologize for the bold. I can't for the life of me get it to change on my tablet.)

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I did my very first triathlon on Saturday. This is huge because one, training has kept me active and feeling better, rather than sitting on the couch or at home feeling sad. And two, this is something I've always wanted to do, but thought I wasn't really capable of doing. I had been very out of shape/not active for the last few years. I started swimming laps again while I was pregnant. Then in January after losing my son at the end of October started going to the gym and eventually started running and training for the race. I couldn't do any parts of the triathlon 6 months ago, so it is a huge accomplishment. I was almost in tears coming over the finish line thinking about how I would never be there if it hadn't been for my son. (A little bitter sweet, but I know walking through his loss has helped me make a lot of good changes in my life.)

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? One goal is to continue to be committed to exercise, even though I don't necessarily have a race or something I am working towards. Also try and figure out what our plan is going to be for Zedekiah's birthday (Oct. 27th and anniversary of his death Oct. 31st).

QOTW: How have you gotten through loss milestones as they have passed? Is there anything you did that you found very healing? I have a dear sweet friend that has texted or written me on facebook every 27th and 31st and always says she's praying for me especially on those days. That helps some. I guess mostly I just get a lot of hugs from my husband and drink lots of coffee on those days. 9 months was especially hard for me. I was a mess for a couple weeks, just feeling really sad. Now his birthday is coming up and I'm not sure what to do. We also will be moving across the state sometime either shortly before or after, which adds a whole extra stress as well as unknown into everything.

msunshine123 · September 2014

@GymSpaz26 - congratulations on completing a triathlon - that is amazing!

CherryPicked · September 2014

@healz413 - I post on Facebook for milestones too - it helps to see the likes and comments and to know that I'm not the only one still thinking of my daughter.

@artgeek009 - Good for you on going to school for the first time after your loss - seeing people is so hard and you are brave and strong for making it through that visit.

@diamante1181 - Surviving is always a good goal. Be kind to yourself as you go back to school - your loss is so fresh.

@msunshine123 - When I am outside I feel closest to my daughter too

@Gym Spaz26 - Congratulations on the triathlon! That must have taken so much training and is a great accomplishment!

AshersMom11 · September 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I am thinking of signing up to do the Angel Dash 5k near me in October. Other than that I am just trying to keep busy.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I have been trying to eat healthier and exercise more. I got on the scale today and have lost 7-8 lbs so far. I still have about 8 more I'd like to lose.

QOTW: How have you gotten through loss milestones as they have passed? Is there anything you did that you found very healing? This Saturday will be 4 months since our loss and then the 24th is our EDD. We still don't have anything specific planned, but the anxiety has already started.

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