July 2014 Moms
Jbosarge85
member
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anyone else having marital problems?
Jbosarge85
member
Since LO2 has come DH and I have been arguing all the time. I don't remember that happening with LO1 (although it might have). Today and tomorrow are his days off. Yesterday I told him I want to take Lo1 swimming and go to a hot air balloon festival. My mom offered to watch Lo2 but can only watch him from 1:30-2:45 because she gets off work at 1:30 and has a Dr appointment at 3. So he's there when we talk about it. When he gets up today he says he's going to the gym at 1...ummm...that won't work (he works out 2.5 hrs) and then we spend the next 2 hrs fighting. With him throwing a tantrum and saying he's going to stop working out and give up being in shape. And me being pissed that he never listens to me and when he's home he's not really here because he's watching crap on his phone. Unless I plan something he never spends time playing with our daughter (lo1) and only holds DS (lo2) when I ask him to. I'm so annoyed anyone else having issues?
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Re: anyone else having marital problems?
Definitely try for a date night and just keep in mind that this phase will pass. GL!
We both know it will get better once she's a bit older and on a better schedule. We've decided to go out once a month and leave her with my parents overnight so we can have some alone time...maybe you could try that?
Just be patient, it will work out
I remember reading that adults get really short with one and other since they're tired and frustrated. Since the stressed individual can't be short/frustrated directly at the baby, they tend to take it out on the spouse. I know that doesn't fix things, but it makes me personally feel better having a "why" behind my personal frustrations that I sometimes feel towards DH, even though he's gone.
I hope that things improve for you soon.
It defintely hurts that we don't have much couple time or personal time to talk, bond or just decompress.
We have our "Irish Twins"
DD born 8/7/2013
DS born 7/28/14
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Example: my husband feels like it is his job to make sure that we are provided for and that the bills gets paid, we are saving as much as possible, and putting money into college accounts for the kids (he also mows the lawn, takes out the trash and does laundry - all once a week jobs). To me - an executive at a huge company - that's secondary. We are ok, and the bills are getting paid, and that's only a once a month job. What I need is for him to help me with the ten thousand things that have to get done ON A DAILY BASIS for us to ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO LIVE OUR LIVES. DAILY.
When was the last time he loaded the dishwasher, or CLEANED A FUCKING BATHROOM, or made countless phone calls to keep up with things like well visits, or school functions, or play dates, or grocery shopping, or cooking/planning meals, etc., etc., etc., etc. We both work ridiculous hours, but my work day is constantly interrupted with the personal, whereas he simply goes to work...and then comes home to a nice warm meal.
I am constantly having to course correct with him on what actually makes this family work. It's frustrating, but lately the increased communication about it has helped - I've really been working on HOW I initiate the conversation so that it doesn't automatically put him on the defensive. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. But it's been better.
That said, he's leaving us for three days this weekend to go work on his brothers race team for the last race of the season. Cue bitch face when he told me about it.
(Truthfully, it's just at my IL's house, but the idea of traveling 4.5 hours in the car with a 6 wo makes me want to kill myself. I'll just stay home and have my mom sleep over and have wine with me - sounds better!)
I'm sorry he's being a childish douchebag. Hope you guys pull through.
Baby G born 6/6/14, 37 weeks 1 day due to preeclampsia. 5lb12oz 19"
#2 due Christmas 2016.
All that to say, I agree with PPs a date sounds in order - maybe even a standing date each week. Even if it's just ten minutes of talking purposefully to each other. And maybe less gym time now that priorities are refocused.
Also I hear you on the planning things to get them interacting and off the phone. That's a losing battle in my home, hence why I crave the shower time. But after years of being the planner and being too exhausted now to, DH is seeing the need with our teenage boys and picking up the slack while I stay home with LO. Maybe you could suggest a date with only him and DD? He could take her biking in a trailer or hiking with a backpack and work out while hanging out with her.
I'm not bitter.
Marriage is hard work. After our first child, we fought a lot. This time, I see us being less willing to make issues about things and more willing to let things go. I made a decision in my pregnancy that it is more important to care for myself and children then to get caught up with drama with dh.
I try to respect dh's decisions without judgment, but he does pull shit others have mentioned. Like, I'm trying to keep our kids alive and am not really invested in cleaning up the garage right now, but go knock yourself out and pretend you did something important for our family by spending half the day cleaning it out. I mostly just don't feel like I have time to waste arguing or trying to convince him why I don't value his decision to clean the garage over feeding our kids breakfast and giving me a moment to shower. I hope I'm really able to let it go and it doesn't come back up in resentment, but I'm probably not that emotionally healthy and will one day tell him off.
For the most part, you took the words right out of my mouth lol!
Maybe a schedule of sorts could help some of us? He uses the time that I'm putting LO to sleep or after I go to bed to have his screen time, so that works for me. Hugs and hope things ease up for those of you struggling.
Taking the weekend to get away and let family watch LO so at van get a date night and hope it helps. On the weekends things are great but the work grind is serious and totally puts us in a moody funk. I find myself being bitchy, and DH moody/cranky. Blah.
Mom to one beautiful July '14 little girl
Oh you want to be left alone for a little while cause you just worked two 12 hours shifts..... Oh I'll leave you alone alright buddy, go ahead an get your hand off my ass now cause I want to be left alone for a little while since I'm taking care of our two children and do everything for you to make your life easier while I'm on ML, k thanks lol
OK rant over, at least I'm not alone. Not that I wish these issues on anyone but at least I don't feel so crazy for being upset.
They aren't dumb, or being malicious. They just aren't us, nor with they expirience parenthood like a mother. It is what it is - all we can do is learn to handle it differently/react to it differently.