Busted confidence

nbad311 · September 2014

I'm on to week 16 now and physically I'm feeling good, but my self-confidence is a train wreck. Maybe this is normal for a FTM...? I don't really have a distinguishable bump yet, but I am expanding in every direction, so I sort of feel like a whale. I haven't felt the baby move yet, at all, so that is a tiny bit discouraging (maybe I should stop reading the baby movement thread, because I think I am the only one in there that hasn't felt something yet). If DH tells me I look great, I feel like it's just something his FTF books are telling him to say and that it's not all that genuine (because I sure as heck don't feel like I look good AT ALL). Pregnancy glow - definitely skipping me. 2nd trimester bliss - yeah right. And our intimacy is taking a hit; any occasional insecurity I'd come across in the past was never something a little wine couldn't fix, but of course that's not an option now. I really do not like being naked now.

Is this just selfish? I am genuinely grateful for a good pregnancy so far, but I've been a little down in the dumps. Do I just need to go out and buy a shit ton of new maternity clothes, will that help? Thanks for reading. I have a case of the Mondays today and I'm not even at work.

selly08 · September 2014

Well, I am a little confused. Is it your body that's making you feel liks this or just the pregnancy?!? Honestly, I haven't felt any baby movement too(or maybe I am not able to figure it out). I have no pregnancy glow at all. I look like a whale too. But don't let all this pull you down. I know how difficult it is. But trust me it's all going to be worth it. I hope you feel better!

jmcgra06 · September 2014

Just try to love yourself

I do think having clothes that fit well helps - I recently got a cute top and some maternity shorts that fit well, and it is nice to feel pretty. Go for a walk, get a new outfit, get your nails done, and believe your husband. In my experience, they are telling the truth, if only because they don't think hard enough to come up with fake flattery

foxslaw · September 2014

It's a really dumb movie, (okay, dumb is a little harsh) but you should watch 'what to expect when you're expecting'. Watching Elizabeth Bank's character might make you feel better. She didn't have the magical pregnancy that she had always dreamed of. Puts things in perspective.

I get down too sometimes seeing other people's posts about I HAVENT GAINED A POUND/BABY MOVING/ etc etc....and feel really gross/bloated. I'm probably the ugliest I have ever been & frankly, too tired to put in the effort...

Here is the thing, though.

We are putting so much time and energy making sure our little blueberries are growing happy & healthy (as we should), that we haven't been investing back into ourselves! So, treat yo' self! A little retail therapy & a nap goes a heck of a long way. Try to do AT LEAST one thing that is just totally for yourself a day!

mmariel · September 2014

Well said @foxslaw‌

Maple403 · September 2014

I've had phases where I have felt really down, too. It's hard sometimes not to feel like you are just getting bigger and greasier (and less sexy). But I have found that the down phases pass, I think that hormones, stress, or anxiety play a big role. Try to find something that will cheer you up- chocolate donuts, shopping, swimming, going for lunch with understanding friends, etc. I hope you feel better soon!

I am 17 w 2 d and I have not felt anything yet either. Don't feel bad about that- us FTMs won't feel it as early as others. Also, I have an anterior placenta so I will probably be one of the last to feel anything :P

aggiebug · September 2014

I haven't felt the baby either and I am 16+weeks.

Also your body is changing it should, but that doesn't mean you have to like it. Yes some women love pregnancy and all in entails, other really don't. I have a coworker that hated every minute of her 2 pregnancies but loves her 2 children immensely. So take care and don't feel bad for your emotions, just remember your body is doing what it needs to for your baby.

kefttsc · September 2014

Maternity clothes were a big deal for me to help myself feel better. Just get a pair of pants or two and I'm sure that will at least help.

jaymo517 · September 2014

I'm in the same boat as you and I'm 18 weeks no movement yet. Trust me it's all the extra hormones too, I feel like a trainwreck every other day. I agree with the other ladies, treat yourself and try to relax. Having a sex life isn't the most important thing right now either, so don't let that be part of what's getting you down.

jennjilljo · September 2014

Women are predisposition to hate gaining weight but we need the extra weight our bodies gain right now. I agree with pps that retail therapy and something that fits might help. As far as not feeling pregnant and the glow, next time you're out and feeling down on yourself remember that you have a tiny perfect secret growing inside you that you don't have to share with anyone yet. You have something more special inside you than anyone can imagine.

delaneykai · September 2014

I agree with @foxslaw - watch What to Expect... I actually really like it and Elizabeth Banks character always makes me cry b/c it is SO true and real for most women.

With my first pregnancy, I felt bloated, fat and gross until my bump got really distinguished. Once I had that bump, the feelings changed for me b/c I really FELT pregnant. I loved it being clear that there was a baby in my belly, and that was around the same time that I started to feel her move, so that just made it even better. I agree with the others, go out and buy yourself a new top or 2 that really show off your baby bump!

It sounds like your DH is being supportive, but may not know how you're feeling. Talk to him so that he can understand. He's being to be your best support system through this time. If you think the hormones are bad now, wait until the week or 2 after you have the baby- you will REALLY need for him to really understand how you are feeling so that he can support you.

meepette · September 2014

I feel the same way lately. I have lost about 65 lbs before I got pregnant so it is a little hard for me to see the scale go up. I did go get some maternity pants but that made it worse for me because it accentuated my bump. My DH is always telling me I look pretty/beautiful but I don't feel that way about myself. I definitely agree with the other ladies. Treat your self!!

nbad311 · September 2014

Thanks for all the nice words. I definitely need new clothes. Trying to make do with my current wardrobe is just discouraging every day. No more fighting the bulge.

@selly08, yeah it's a lot to do with my changing body, and I'm sure the hormones are factoring in too. A few messy, stressful weeks at work haven't helped either, as I come home feeling mentally drained and worn out.

@aggiebug - I wouldn't say I hate it, but I wouldn't say I love it either. I'm so emotionally detached from it all. I'm not giddy and overcome with good emotions, only cranky and stressed. /:) I'm hoping/thinking baby's movement, when I start to feel it, helps shed a new (happy!) light on it!

selly08 · September 2014

@nbad311‌ Changing body is the most difficult to deal with. I feel you. Totally pulls me down too. Believe people around you when they tell you that you look beautiful. Because you do! We can't see it but they can. I love it when people or my DH tells me, "hey, you look cute with that belly popping out". I was quite a thin person before pregnancy hit. So now I just feel heavy and overweight in general. But we are all here making something beautiful inside us. So enjoy every bit of it. Give yourself a break from work if that's what's stressing you out. And yes, go shop! It will make you feel better to have something that fits you well.

agm04 · September 2014

I'm late to this party but I'm right there with you. Mostly I'm handling it as well as possible, but I've had a few meltdowns. Sunday night was ugly...we took my 14w picture, I looked at it, then crumpled to the floor and bawled. I was like, "I look like this?!" It's kind of funny now...but only kind of. This is tough. And I don't have a bump, but I'm growing EVERYWHERE.

erobbins09 · September 2014

I can definitely relate to this. Being in that awkward stage where you are just "fat" is so hard.. Especially like other pp's, when you've struggled with weight and lost a ton in the past year. Coming to terms with gaining most of it back in the next year is tough.

What was really an eye opener for me was when my guy started touching my belly. There's no definitive bump, why the hell does he want to grab my fat belly?! I've never liked people touching my stomach since it's always been my problem area. Well when I pushed his hand off he kind of got mad at me. He just explained that it's his too and he can touch our baby if he wants to! Mind you, I have the stance that it's my body and I can do what I want with it... But he was legitimately hurt that I pushed him away from what WE made. The next day while watching TV he rested his hand on my stomach and I tensed up so hard and he just chuckled and said "I know you don't like this but thank you for not pushing me away."

I now grab his hand and put it on a part of my body I've never liked because I finally realize how much bigger all of "this" is than my insecurities. He doesn't get to experience what I do.. So I want to do my best to make him feel connected by appreciating his extra affection and attention. It's really all he can do for us right now.

crystalw88 · September 2014

I've always had low self-esteem so I've really been struggling. I know what you mean about your husband trying to tell you otherwise from what you feel. Honestly, he loves you...and he isn't going anywhere. I've had so many people rub my tummy and comment on my bump. I feel likes it's all fat because I am overweight to begin with and I just want to scream and hide in a corner but I just tell myself to rock whatever it is. I bought maternity shirts with the scrunchy sides so that if I feel people are glaring at me they'll at least maybe notice my maternity shirt and give me a break! I hope you start to feel better soon.

MetalMomma666 · September 2014

I have the same problem. I'm 18 weeks and I barely feel anything aside from a pain behind my belly button. I'm barely showing a bump and I was chubby before the pregnancy so now I feel even bigger. My boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful and sexy and most of the time I don't believe him. It's normal for self-confidence to be affected. Our hormones are goig crazy and we are changing a lot. Don't worry. You're still very beautiful. In every way. And your husband wouldn't just say it to try to make you feel better. He really does think you're beautiful. Things get better. I'm a FTM too and it's all weird for me, everyone has a different pregnancy and it will catch up with you. And once we feel that first stronghold kick it will blow our minds.

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