Needing advice from the BTDT mommas

Munchkin42015 · September 2014

How many of you carry, labor, and deliver like your mom's did? Ow do you feel about co-sleeping? I know it's an opinion but I want to know pros and cons. I'm planning on having a bassinet in our room for the first couple months but I would love some advice. Also, I'm still debating on whether or not I should have an epidural (if I can) or go with natural birth. My best friend does natural but my aunt said "the hospital doesn't give you an award or a gift for going natural so you might as well get the goods" hahaha so just advice for this FTM would be wonderful. I appreciate it (:

bowman958 · September 2014

Oh wow this is a lot of questions. Ok.

1) I am not built like my mom, and did not carry like her. Her water broke 2/3 times and mine did not. But we both had fast labors. Overall, every woman is different and every pregnancy is different, so no one else's experience can predict yours.

2) Room sharing is an awesome arrangement for as long as you and baby are happy doing it. I had a cradle next to my bed with DD for about 3 months before transitioning her to her own room.

3) there is no need to decide now whether or not to have an epidural. Take a birthing class and educate yourself about the birth process - that may help you decide. Don't get an epi for pain you are afraid of vs. pain you are actually experiencing, but there is no shame in having one. Keep an open mind so you can enjoy your birth experience.

marigold32 · September 2014

My mom had four fairly easy pregnancies. She never had severe morning sickness. She did gain different amounts with us (ranging from ~25lb to nearly 60lb) which she blames primarily on differing levels of physical activity. She had med-free births with all four.

With my first, my morning sickness wasn't severe. I gained 40lbs (was definitely not active enough). Went med-free. I think there are certain things that can be hereditary, but I've seen enough exceptions to know its definitely not a sure thing.

Side note: the "there's no trophy" remarks annoy me. It's a personal decision. I don't take issue with anyone who chooses an epidural, and I don't know why they would take issue with someone who doesn't. I don't know anyone who did it for a prize or trophy.

ETA: PP made a good point. I am not built like my mom, either (take after my dad's side almost completely), so I had no expectations based on that.

MitoRachel · September 2014

I take after my mom a lot in general. My first two pregnancies were harder than hers, but I think that might be due to an undiagnosed low magnesium. This pregnancy so far seems like what she described hers as being. She carried the babies much more around her hips than I have.

My labor and deliveries have been VERY similar to hers so far. Fast, furious, and straightforward!

Co-sleeping is such a personal thing. First baby was in a different room from the get go since DH is a light sleeper and gets into health trouble when he doesn't sleep well. I hated going to go get him multiple times a night. Second baby we had a pack and play in our room and nobody was totally happy or upset. This time I am going to get one of those 3 sided cosleepers that push up next to your bed and dh is going to sleep elsewhere at first.

Their is no right or wrong answer to the epidural question. I didn't get an epidural because the higher risks of c-section, forceps delivery, and post partum headaches (although I think that is more associated with spinals) just didn't seem worth it. I recommend checking out The Big Book of Birth by Erica Lyon. I felt like it did a really good job of going through all the most common pain relieve tools and birth interventions and explaining the pros and cons of each. Reading it helped me feel like I had a whole toolbox of ways to cope when I went into labor.

Mrbatesisinnocent · September 2014

I didn't carry, labor, or deliver like my mom. My DD came a week early, I was 17 days late.

I did no co-sleep. DD was in her crib in her room from day one. I don't have opinions on it either way, that's just what we did. It worked well for us.

I went in to labor having planned and prepared to deliver med free. When I was 18 hours in to my 23 labor I couldn't take another second. I thought I was going to die. Pitocin is a evil drug. So I ended up getting the epi and I have no regrets. So my advice is go in with an open mind. If you want to go med free, make that a goal, but be flexible and if you need or want the epi when the time comes, get it and don't feel bad about it.

Also don't be afraid of the epi. To me, it was no worse than a flu shot.

trlricha · September 2014

I did not carry like my mom because we are built very differently and my labor was so much worse than hers. She labored very fast and mine was like 30 hours. Not fun!

We kept our son in our room for the first 3 months. We loved it and it was much easier for night feedings. I was sad when we moved him to his room, but at the same time it was nice to have our space back.

I was DETERMINED not to have an epidural. But things changed when my already slow labor stopped progressing at 8cm and I was stalled there for more than 12 brutal hours. I gave in because the doctor told me my body was in too much distress and my son couldn't get himself flipped over (he was sunny side up). Once I had the epidural, I started progressing again and I had him within a few hours after that. I have no regrets. Every birth experience is different. I will once again try to go without an epidural but if I end up needing one, I will go for it and I won't look back. I really want this experience to be better than the last.

mrsmopar67 · September 2014

I have no idea if I labored like my mom. She was given pitocin immediately at the hospital and required to labor in bed and had epidurals for all of hers. I had zero intervention births with no drugs so it's apples to oranges.

We bed share. Have since birth. If you plan to, research safe bed sharing.

Medications in any sense are personal decisions. Everyone has their reasons for or against for themselves. Do your research & decide for yourself

you might surprise yourself!

Hummingbirdbaby3 · September 2014

Everyone is so different. I have easy pregnancies like my mom. But I had to be induced and had a very fast and easy labor. She did not.
I am not a co sleeper. It just isn't for us.
I had an epidural because I know I have a low pain tolerance. I did very well with it and will do it again.

BabiesEverywhere · September 2014

I'm not sure if I carried like my mom or not.

We considered bed-sharing but decided against it because my DH is a heavy sleeper and also has a habit of sleep walking. DD did sleep in our room in a rock & play for 2.5 months before we moved her into her own room.

Like @Marigold32‌, it also annoys me when people tell you to get an epidural "because you don't get a trophy for going natural." I didn't go natural because I wanted a trophy. I did it for a variety of reasons that can be summed up with "it was the best choice for me." I don't go bragging about it or think I'm a stronger person or anything that the trophy comment implies. You can ask as many moms as you want but ultimately you need to do the research and decide which option is best for you. I know a lot of moms who loved their epidural. I also know moms who hated their epidural. I don't think I know anyone who regrets going natural. But there is nothing wrong with either decision. And like someone else said, you still have plenty of time to decide but good job thinking about it early

momtosam · September 2014

mirandaschultheis said:

How many of you carry, labor, and deliver like your mom's did? Ow do you feel about co-sleeping? I know it's an opinion but I want to know pros and cons. I'm planning on having a bassinet in our room for the first couple months but I would love some advice. Also, I'm still debating on whether or not I should have an epidural (if I can) or go with natural birth. My best friend does natural but my aunt said "the hospital doesn't give you an award or a gift for going natural so you might as well get the goods" hahaha so just advice for this FTM would be wonderful. I appreciate it (:

I somewhat labored the way my mother did, but not completely. I did have back labor like her, but the rest was different. I had a long labor since my water broke early on (I was only a centimeter dilated). My mom had very fast labor/delivery.

I am VERY anti co-sleeping. It is NOT for me or my family. It only takes going on a call of a co-sleeping infant death to make that stance, at least for me. It is my personal opinion, and the opinion of my DH. I will gladly share my feelings, but will not put down mothers who choose this route. I will however encourage safe co-sleeping practices. Which includes to never fall asleep laying down with baby on chest. A family from church lost their LO recently when the dad fell asleep with the infant on his chest on the couch. Very sad. Do your research. Make sure you and YH are on the same page. IF either of you are not comfortable with the choice, then make a different one.

This time around I want to get a rock-n-play instead of using the basinet on the pack n play. It is smaller and keeps baby at a slight angle. I have heard amazing things about it. Would have used with my DS had I learned about it earlier.

You have plenty of time to decide what type of birth experience you would like. It is not bad to get an epidural. You will not get an award for going natural. A lot of moms feel shame if they do get one. Not the case. If you think you can do natural go for it, if not get the drugs. It is totally a personal decision. This time I would like to try to labor longer without getting an epidural, but an epidural is still on the table for me. I have sciatica, so back labor and that did NOT mix at all. I got the epidural when I was at 3 centimeters due to the horrific pain I was experiencing in my back and down my legs. Know that your best plans may not happen. A friend of mine absolutely wanted an epidural with her second and well there was no time. She went all natural without having any other choice, screaming all the way through that she wanted drugs! She did it and is still in shock that she went natural. Definitely come up with a birth plan, but know that plan may go down in flames when the time comes. You may want all natural and end up with an emergency c-section a couple months early only to give birth to a premie. You really never know how your LOs birth will really happen. Be prepared for changes and be open minded to other options.

knjzacher · September 2014

I don't know my mother so I'm not sure if we carried the same.

We had our daughter in our room for the first 4m, first in a bassinet and then in her crib beside the bed in our room. We moved her crib over to her room at 4 months. I loved having her close by but we all slept better when she was in her own room. I know people who successfully bed share with two kids, one almost 2 and one newborn. It's all about what you are most comfortable with and what's safest for your family.

I had the epidural but I always wanted it, it was never in my plan to attempt a natural birth. Again, a personal choice.

angmarieaz · September 2014

My mom and I both had C-Sections with our firsts, both because they were frank breach. This is my second pregnancy, and I think I'm going to try for that VBAC, like she did.

My DS co-slept in bed with us for a very long time. It worked for us, and it was a huge convenience for breast feeding.

I have no opinion about the epidural. Part of me wants this one to be a natural birth, and part of me is frightened to try. I really wanted a natural birth with my son, but it didn't work out.

ebstar2 · September 2014

My labors were sort of like my moms I guess . Both of our water broke first with no contractions for our first babies. I find this hard to answer because each of my three deliveries so far has been very different so I don't think there is necessarily a way that I labor.

We kept our babies in our room but in a bassinet for the first few months just because I nursed and it was easier than getting up and going down the hall. When they were sleeping longer at night then we moved each of them over to their crib and it wasn't really an issue with any of them.

I absolutely hated the epidurals. They gave me one with my DD because she was in distress and they thought they were going to be rushing me in for an emergency c-section. I was young and it was my first labor and I felt like I didn't have a choice. It didn't work right and they kept having to add more and more and I ended up being ridiculously numb from about mid-thigh but could still feel everything above. Not helpful. Plus I had horrible shaking as a side effect which made it very difficult to handle the contractions from that point on.

With my YDS it was a VBAC and they had a lot of rules that the hospital had for a VBAC. They wanted me to get the epidural immediately and I refused but after I was still in labor almost 12 hours after they broke my water they said I had to choose to either take the epi or agree to a repeat section. The epi did speed up the labor but once again it did not numb the area it was supposed to and I had the horrible shaking that I couldn't control. I also had lots of back pain from the epi site later.

I know that a lot of people have epidurals work great for them. I am being totally honest when I say that they were the worst part of my labors. But I think the best thing you can do is to go in with your ideal plan but also knowing that you really just don't know how your body will react to everything so you have to be willing to adjust.

Munchkin42015 · September 2014

Thank you all so so so much! Sorry it took so long to reply. Yesterday was busy and today I have been doing school work! This question is just a fraction of my research. I wanted to get opinions and information from those who have already experienced this. One thing about my aunt you all should know is that she has absolutely no pain tolerance. Hahaha so I know why she has voiced her opinion based on the epidural vs natural births. And I am an organizer and a person who lives for preparation. So, the more prepared I can be then the more sane I am, hahaha. But again, I just want to thank you all so much for your information. I appreciate it so very much (:

nycitygirl1 · September 2014

I wouldn't bank on delivery exactly as your mom did. I think this is more of an old wives' tale and with birth...all bets are off. You can have everything planned out and then something happens (very common) and you've got to roll with it. Having a plan is good, but as far as delivery is concerned your baby is basically in charge of when and how that's going to happen.

Unless you are super against the epidural I would definitely say to get it. I know so many women with horror stories (I had a c-section so a completely different experience) of births without epidurals that there is no way I would choose not to get one. Like your aunt said, there's no award for having a "natural" birth. Who cares? Why endure a 5th degree tear without medication.

As far as co-sleeping that's up to you. We had a pack and play w/bassinet in our bedroom and a real crib set up in DS's bedroom. We were hoping to get him to sleep in his crib from day 1 but the only thing he was able to fall asleep in was his bouncy seat or mamaroo/swing so mostly he slept in his bouncy seat in our room the first month or two. Then we were able to transition him to his crib more easily.

RIngReady · September 2014

1. My mother and I had very different pregnancies and very different labors. we have identical builds, and carry just about as much weight and were 6 months shy of the same age giving birth to our first baby.

2. Co-sleeping is a personal choice. We had a bassinet in our room and baby refused to sleep in anything other then a boppy pillow in our bed for first 6 weeks due to awful reflux. Co-sleeping was never our plan, and at 8 weeks, we moved him to his crib mattress on our floor.

3. I think it is easy, and fun, to try to decide right now to 'go natural.' However, in the moment you will decide what is right for you. I labored for almost 32 hours and I was exhausted. I really was handling the pain okay until hour 31 and then I was so tired I didn't have any more fight in me. I got a minimal does epidural (I am on alternative drugs due to allergies) and slept for 3 straight hours and woke up feeling so much better. I never assumed fatigue would warrant drugs over pain.

Ashgal · September 2014

1)I'm adopted, so I have no idea about how my mom carried or delivered. Sorry.

2) We co-slept with both boys. DS#1 slept in a pack and play until around 9 months and then we transitioned him to our bed. Then around 18 months we transitioned him to his own bed. DS#2 slept in a bouncy seat in an arm's reach co-sleeper attached to our bed. He had severe reflux and had to sleep sitting upwards. He outgrew his reflux around 11 months and transitioned to our bed. We transitioned him to his bed around 20 months, but he still crawls into our bed at night. With new baby our plan is to have baby in a rock n play or use the arm's reach co-sleeper again. Then we will probably co sleep with baby for a few months before transitioning him/her to his own crib.

3) Epidurals are totally a decision to be made while in labor. No one can say for sure whether you will want one or not. And if you end up needing a c-section, you will have to have one regardless.

risplace · September 2014

My mother and I are built very differently. She is tall and fuller on the bottom and I'm average height and fuller on the top. I carried high, she carried low. She had virtually uncomplicated pregnancies, I had a ton of problems. But, we had similar labors. Both of us had large babies and not of us DO NOT DIALATE. We both had only back labor and although her labor was quicker than mine (20+ hrs to my 51hrs) we both had really long labors.

We co-sleep and there is a lot of research suggesting that co-sleeping is good, but honestly it just isn't for some people.

I had a natural labor and it was HARD. It was 51 hrs of back labor and 2hrs of pushing. It hurt like crap and to be honest when I found out I was pregnant again I cried because I'm so scared of labor again. I've decided to be open to an epi if I feel I need it, because I'd rather be open to the idea then ruin the wonderful blessing of this baby by being depressed the whole time. But I also looked into Hypnobirthing and I have decided I want to try this method before I agree to an epi.

SayAnything84 · September 2014

My mom went overdue and so did I, but she was in labor for like 20 hours and mine was only 7. My son was almost the same birthrate as I was.

We had D'S in our room in a rock n play for 6 weeks but we never put him in our bed.

I had epi last time and will get it again unless I have a super fast labor

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