NBR: Advice needed - roommate

SandraRDH · August 2014

DH and I took on a roommate in April and agreed to have her 'for the summer'. She is a family friend and her prior living situation had fallen through. She's engaged and getting married next April but her fiancé lives over 2 hours away from where she works here in town. The plan was that he was going to be interviewing for jobs here and was hoping to find something by the end of the summer, move here and they would get a place together. The thing is, the summer is pretty much over and I've yet to hear a thing about any interviews he's gone on or any updates from her on a plan of some sort. The extra money every month has been helpful and she's quiet and respectful as a clam. DH is no hurry to say anything because we do need the extra money, but the problem is, I can't start putting the nursery together till I have our guest room back (I need to move everything out and into the storage closets in the guest room). We are also going to need the guest room for family coming to visit once baby is here. I am thinking the absolute longest I can do is until the end of October (which is soon). How do I say something to her gently to that effect? Anyone good with this type of tricky communication? I just can't believe she hasn't tried to communicate with us about it by now..

Maebb · August 2014

I am kind of low-key about needing a bunch of time to get the room ready and things like that. I mean, a baby really needs very little. He/she will probably sleep in a bassinet in your room for a while, or even if you start directly in the nursery, babies don't care about decorations. But - your house, your rules.

I kind of think 60 days notice would be nice, so could you say November 1st? Whatever date you decide, I would just say, "We've really enjoyed you living here, and you've been a great houseguest. I need _ days to get the room ready for the guests and then LO, so do you think you could make arrangements to be out by _?"

I think she should be understanding of that. If she pushes back, tell her that the original arrangement was the end of summer. Good luck with the conversation.

bunchiemarie · August 2014

Assuming she knows you're expecting, she certainly knows her days there are numbered. I would just ask her generally if she knows what her plan is "for the fall" and what she and FI are thinking they're going to do next... Make it about her and her plans/next steps. Then if it turns out she has nothing lined up, then you say that you were thinking you'd need the room back in October and give her a firm deadline to be out. 30 days notice is tough but obviously she knew this was supposed to be temporary. If you can be more flexible, great, but if not, oh well.

Pips09 · August 2014

I would be direct with her. Say something like "Last time we talked about your plans, they were XYZ. How's that coming along? We are going to need to start transitioning the room into our nursery." And give her a deadline.

Stargirlb · September 2014

I've never prepared a nursery. baby rooms in with us. All I need(ed) was a closet to store the stuff in, and/or an extra dresser. Just saying that it can be done if you don't get her out ASAP, but if you really want to then ya just give her a deadline.

jaxx723 · September 2014

I'm in a similar situation as you. We've had a roommate for about three years now and when we found out I was pregnant, we all decided that October would be our soft date for him moving out. This was the plan from the start.

I'm also torn on when he should move out because we could really use the additional income, but my husband and I want some time together for just us and I'd like to set up the nursery.

I'm thinking that by the end of November is my cut off point. I went back and forth for a while, but this gives him plenty of time to find a place and move everything out. This also gives us the entire month of December and almost all the way through January to get things ready. If he finds a place before that, great! If not, I'm going to try as hard as I can to hold out until then, or at least communicate with him that my needs have changed.

In your situation, your roommate might be waiting for you to set the ground rules, after all, it's your house. She might also be hoping to stay longer than originally intended, and if you don't clarify your needs, she might use that as an excuse to try to stay longer.

First, I'd clarify with your husband on what day is comfortable for you both for her to move out. Think about what you'd be willing to do for her, if anything, if she needed to stay longer. Then, I'd ask to speak to her and tell her that the original plan was for her to stay the summer and that you and your husband would like to start preparing the house for the baby by a specific date. Perhaps tell her that you have enjoyed her company and she's been a great roommate, so she feels like it's not personal. Give her a clear cut plan on what you guys hope the next few months to look like, and then hear her out. Try to reach a solid agreement and then let her figure things out on her end. Good luck!

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